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New Beginnings :
Another banana down

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 wildbananas (original poster member #10552) posted at 7:40 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013

So the younger two bananas went on visitation this weekend... ex-asshat and BananaGirl13 have been having go-arounds with her dress and make up lately. He thinks it's excessive and hasn't been very nice about it. She's actually pretty tasteful about how she applies it but yeah, she ramped it up this weekend. I think she was trying to get him to accept her no matter how she looks but it surely backfired.

He just called, telling me he's very angry about how I let her dress and wear make up and he tried to "talk to her about it" (read: chewed her out) and she basically told him to go screw himself. He told me he was bringing her home and if that's how she was going to be, she was not welcome at his house anymore, especially as long as she looked like a "prostitute."

What. A. Fucking. Jackass.

On the bright side, it'll be better for her to not see him anymore, not if this is how it's going to be. And really, once she stops going, I can guarantee BananaGirl10 will stop, too.

I am so angry at him right now. I'm angry at his wife for encouraging it. And I'm so sad for my bananas. What kind of father treats his children like this? Alienates them to the point of not wanting anything to do with him? And lets them go?

She started IC through the school last week and I'm so glad... my poor girl. Her sperm donor, XSO, her brother (who walked away from all of us)... she's had nothing but men who have broken her heart.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 1:42 PM, May 11th (Saturday)]

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16592   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 6332128
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MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 7:49 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013

(((WB and bananas)))

posts: 54450   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2007
id 6332136
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miadianna ( member #10516) posted at 8:02 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013

So sorry WB, for you and your family. Young girls that age experiment with makeup and clothes, it's normal. It's temporary, she's just a teenage girl. Amazes me how they care about how it "looks" without thinking about what they have done and how that "looks." She needs his love and acceptance, not criticism and ignorance.

It's so hard. My daughter is better off not seeing her dad and his OW too. She knows it, it just makes her angry and resentful but it's so wrong.

Me: BS 60Son: 34years oldDaughter: 32 years old Divorced 4/10/08XH passed away 6/24/16

posts: 7542   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2006
id 6332152
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 wildbananas (original poster member #10552) posted at 8:08 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013

What kind of man calls his 13 year old a whore and a prostitute?

Thanks guys... it's sad but they're better off without him.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16592   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 6332156
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tesla ( member #34697) posted at 8:20 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013

ohmygoodness! He said she looked like a prostitute and then brought her back??!! What the fucking fuck is wrong with this guy? Wow. My mouth literally dropped when I read that.

I'm so sorry for your daughter. I remember when I was a teenager, I would push any button I could find with my dad. Anything to get a reaction out of him...and I had an intact family with no issues.

What a stupid man.

((((wb and bg13))))

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

posts: 5066   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2012
id 6332164
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persevere ( member #31468) posted at 8:22 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013

I'm so sorry wb, he's very short sighted, what an idiot.

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

posts: 5329   ·   registered: Mar. 9th, 2011
id 6332166
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 8:30 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013

(((((nanners and bananagirl13)))))

I'm sorry he's such an ass. Ugh. Who DOES that???

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6332172
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metamorphisis ( member #12041) posted at 8:33 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013

Asshole.

She sure as hell just tested him to see how he would treat her and if he would be her dad and lay down some laws with love and he BLEW IT.

Every girl needs to hear "I will make sure you respect yourself because you are worth respect" and "You are too beautiful and I love you too much to present yourself in a way that people will take the wrong way".

But he decides the best way to protect her is to call her a prostitute. FAIL.

I would be beyond livid.

[This message edited by metamorphisis at 2:33 PM, May 11th (Saturday)]

Go softly my sweet friend. You will always be a part of who I am.

posts: 52157   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2006
id 6332176
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caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 8:50 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013

(((hugs)))

and righteous mama bear indignation and fury!!!

I remember the turquoise blue eye shadow and black liner... and lace everything of the 80's. I didn't turn out to walk the streets then or now. It is completely normal and natural!

I hate when they reject their kids because they don't like how they reflect on their own shallow self image. Stupid asshat.

Maybe you can rent The Breakfast Club and pop popcorn. Teenage angst at its best.

Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

posts: 7063   ·   registered: May. 27th, 2010   ·   location: a better place
id 6332193
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Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 9:03 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013

What a dickhead.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

posts: 9299   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Western PA
id 6332200
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metamorphisis ( member #12041) posted at 9:18 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013

Maybe you can rent The Breakfast Club and pop popcorn. Teenage angst at its best.

Dd and I have started watching "My So Called Life" together. It's awesome. She gets to laugh at what we wore back then and she gets to see I was a teen too.. and I get it. I really do. It sounds silly but we're loving it.

Grab this negative experience, shake the crap out of it, and take it as an opportunity for the two of you to bond somehow.

[This message edited by metamorphisis at 3:19 PM, May 11th (Saturday)]

Go softly my sweet friend. You will always be a part of who I am.

posts: 52157   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2006
id 6332217
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thyme2go ( member #12908) posted at 10:37 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013

Having seen FB pics of BG13, I think she dresses quite kool like. His loss.

My youngest DD (now 17) no longer has any interest in seeing her mom (who now lives 280 miles away).

-t2g

BH - no longer 50
3 DD's - (32, 28 and 21)
Divorced on 8/6/09

posts: 9204   ·   registered: Dec. 10th, 2006   ·   location: ND
id 6332262
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NaiveAgain ( member #20849) posted at 11:24 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013

(((wb & kids))) What a tool. I am so sorry she doesn't have a father who knows how to be a father, but I am so glad she has you.....he is an idiot but it is his loss.....

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

posts: 16236   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2008   ·   location: Ohio
id 6332300
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 wildbananas (original poster member #10552) posted at 12:46 AM on Sunday, May 12th, 2013

So, she and I were just talking:

Me: So, you should totally spoil me for Mother's Day tomorrow

BG: With your bank account

Me: Not cool!

BG: Well, I don't make a lot of money as a prostitute, so I really can't afford it.

It's too bad he doesn't appreciate her sense of humor. She's a pretty funny kid.

His loss indeed.

Thanks, all.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16592   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 6332342
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kernel ( member #27035) posted at 12:52 AM on Sunday, May 12th, 2013

Geez, what an asshat he is. Any one with half a brain would get that she was pushing boundaries just to get a rise out of people, and the best response is to ignore it! It's what teenagers do, and make-up is pretty freaking mild compared to what she could have been doing (drugs, sex, robbery, vandalism). Calling his own daughter those kind of names is unforgiveable, and she'll never forget it. Good for her for using humor to get rid of the hurt and anger. I'm sorry you and your bananas have to put up with the jackass. ((wb & bunch))

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

posts: 5379   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6332348
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gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 2:08 AM on Sunday, May 12th, 2013

BG: Well, I don't make a lot of money as a prostitute, so I really can't afford it.

She's able to laugh about it, but......that shit's gotta hurt. Even if she knows he's a jerk, having her dad call her a prostitute and refuse to spend time with her......dang. That's some cold crap right there.

His loss. And one that he will come to regret one day.

*sigh* What a jerk.

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

posts: 9241   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2012   ·   location: Midwest
id 6332409
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Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 2:28 AM on Sunday, May 12th, 2013

((((((WB))))) (((((((banana13))))))

She will come to learn that her life without him is better than it was with him.

More hugs,

K

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

posts: 6708   ·   registered: Jul. 15th, 2012   ·   location: Florida
id 6332420
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MyTurnATL ( member #28856) posted at 2:34 AM on Sunday, May 12th, 2013

Sounds like we were married to the same man. X treats our children with no respect and then gets pissed when they treat him the same way.

I'm sorry for your girls.

posts: 470   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2010
id 6332425
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 5:39 AM on Sunday, May 12th, 2013

Ugh I'm so sad and mad for you and Banana13. Good thing your girls have mom of the century. They're all wonderful.

You tell DD13 I think she's funny and sweet and pretty and fine just the way she is. She can come visit aunt Jrazz anytime.

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6332553
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persevere ( member #31468) posted at 5:46 AM on Sunday, May 12th, 2013

I'm thrilled she can joke about it, but sad that he made the ridiculous statement to begin with. #FUCKEDUPDAD #FAILASAPARENT

I'm also glad she has the relationship with you that she can joke about it - that means SO much.

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

posts: 5329   ·   registered: Mar. 9th, 2011
id 6332557
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