SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Not sure if this should go here or in NB but many of us had this fear when we D or S. I know I did. WX and I had bought a house together, mortgage was in my name and I could never afford it on my own.

When we split and he left for OW/OC, I knew he would just walk away.....and he did.

I tried to keep the house going and borrowed more than $12,000 from family to do so until I just couldn't, in good conscience take any more from them.

Between credit cards, family debt and the house, I had over $300,000 in debt I couldn't pay.

I let the bank take the house, scraped together $1,500 for a lawyer and filed bankruptcy.

This was the lowest point in my life. I felt like a loser and thought I had ruined my entire financial future.

The only bright spot was when creditors called. I was able to tell them I was filing and give them my lawyer's number. I never heard from them again. Those calls, in and of themselves, are stressful and leave you feeling defeated. So not having to deal with them any more was a blessing.

I looked at what I was left with. I had a job and could pay my monthly rent and utilities....but just barely. At least I had that so I made it a point to pay my monthly bills on time. It meant Xena and I ate Ramen noodles a lot but we survived. Thank God for Mom and Auntie during Prom season and such.

We struggled, but over time, things got easier.

4 years ago, I qualified for a car loan through a finance company. The interest rate was high but at least it was something to start building credit on.

2 years ago, I traded in that car and qualified for a new loan through my bank at a good interest rate.

After that I got a couple of small store credit cards.

Last year, I qualified for a mortgage again and just now......I finally got a major credit card again, through my bank - a credit union. I can't stress enough how much it helps to build a relationship with a good credit union.

Bankruptcy didn't mean I was irresponsible. It did mean I could have made better financial decisions and taken less risk.

I will never again make financial decisions based on relying on another person's income. If I can't afford it alone, then I can't afford it.

Now that I have a major credit card, it will be the only one I'll have and, barring something big, will keep my debt to limit ratio below 30%, which should help to increase my credit score more.

So there you have it. The bankruptcy is still on my credit report and affects my score. That sucks to see and sometimes have to explain, but it doesn't have to be the end. You can recover and thrive.

i could have written your post. i try to let people know what a gift it is to be able to start over...that it's not as hard as trying to hang on to pride, to the "known," or to an old life. i pay taxes (lots of them), i'm a pretty good person in society. i try to give back more than the burden i dropped in court. bankruptcy gave me a chance to find relief and a wonderful new life for my tiny daughter and i. i'm forever grateful.

[This message edited by stretch13 at 10:12 AM, May 14th (Tuesday)]

Kudos to your post! If I could thumbs up this I totally would. Bankruptcy does not mean you are financially irresponsible. It does not mean you got away with something. BKs are financial decisions that many people these days are forced to make. Unfortunately it carries this terrible stigma with it. Some people would go down with a sinking ship because they don't want to cross "that line".

Of course I believe that all resources should be exhausted before making that BK decision. But often that is the only choice that is left. And one should not be faulted for that. Congrats to everyone who made it through a BK and realized... hey... this ISN'T the end of the world.

Thank you for sharing this.

I filed bankruptcy too. I regretted being in the position that I had to do it...but I don't regret filing at all.

I don't know if I missed it in your post. What year did you file?

I filed in 2006.

Thanks. I just wanted to see a bit of a timeline that I can aim for.

Thanks for posting this. Unless someone has been through this, they have no idea.

One of the reasons a former SO dumped me was because of my filing bankruptcy. He, of course was perfect and never made a mistake - ever

I'm looking forward to the same new start.

Hope4

Thank you so much for posting this info.

You have no idea how much this has helped me!!!

The mortgage is in my name only too. Ex-asshat has been living in home and making payments. He lost his job and is three months behind in payments. Thing is, the house can sell for what is owed.

Thank you!