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I just can't forgive. To much has gone on since. I can't let my guard down for a second, she is an aggressive woman that will take advantage of me whenever she can.

This is a subject that does interest me, but I am not sure I understand it. Do I forgive WXW? I dunno. Have I moved past the pain and anger of the past? - yes, although there is lingering damage, but that is not about her. Do I need to forgive her? I dunno. I feel free of it anyway, so what does it do for me?

Hats off to you for being strong enough to do that....We all have different situations and in our heart when we feel strongly about something than we do it. I agree that forgiving and letting go is a huge step whether you let them know you forgive them or you just generally forgive them....In my case mine would probably say "forgive me for what"!!! and that would just piss me off so the fact that he acknowledges that he messed up helps "your forgiveness"....

For those of us who have ongoing conflict over issues affecting our children - and my conflict is pretty mild compared to what many others are going through - it's tough to forgive, as there are regular new hurts. I don't see forgiveness as likely until both kids have graduated from college.

But congratulations to you, your post was very nice to read.

About 10 months after our divorce (which was 4 years after D-day), I had one of those forgiveness releases. I had an overwhelming urge to tell ex I forgave him, so I wrote a very brief email. I thanked him for all the good things I knew to be true in our marriage, and wished him all he wished for himself. He was free.. I was free. It felt great! The monkey of pain jumped off me.

I honestly did not expect, or want a response from ex. I recognized I wrote that email of forgiveness for me. And I heard nothing from ex for 2 months ... and then, a few days after the 1 year divorce anniversary date, ex filed with the court for a divorce do-over. It was nutso, and costly. I can't even go there in my mind. The words "phucking idot" keep popping up. Gahhhh....!

After that I took on a different attitude towards ex. I feel now that the man I loved, spent 20+ years with, and had kids with, has died. This thing that looks like my ex, is just a bad copy. Kind of like the roach-man Edgar in the movie "Men In Black". I illogic that an alien is now inhabiting my ex husbands' body. He is NOT my friend. He does not care about me, or appear to care for our children. I see no evidence that he has any memory of our two decades together. The whole thing beyond my comprehension. I do not know how it is possible for a human who seemed so wonderful, so kind, caring and compassionate, to be as ex is now. To help me cope, I think of my ex as the before person, and the after person.

I have nothing to forgive this new ex. I am simply thankful this alien did not inhabit him when we were married!

[This message edited by luv2swim at 6:01 AM, May 18th (Saturday)]

I don't know if I forgive XWH#1 or if I just developed indifference to him. Either way, it doesn't really matter to me anymore. I am just glad that he seldom crosses my mind anymore. We are cordial when we have to be and that is just fine with me.

I have also fairly recently forgiven my husband, but I don't feel a need to tell him. Our kids are grown up and we rarely see each other and never communicate about anything. Forgiving him has been a long process guided by my Faith and its important to me because it lets me be the person I believe I should be, not because it makes any difference to him, he doesn't see that he did anything that wrong The biggie is now finding some degree of forgiveness for her...that will take longer but I'm content that I no longer wish hateful things for her...baby steps in a longer process.