SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yet another club member. My first H cheated on me with two women--I had no idea. When I found out, I left him, because the marriage had been unsatisfying for a while, and that was the last straw. Also, he showed no remorse.

With H#2--FWH--I chose to stay because (a) he is remorseful, and (b) there is an awful lot of good in our relationship, so the M seems worth salvaging.

But doesn't it just make you want to spit carpet tacks? I mean, betrayed twice???

The thing is, my FWH (H#2) divorced his first wife because she cheated on him. During a recent conversation, I asked: "Don't you remember how devastated you were when XWW cheated on you with OM?" And he said, "I'd forgotten all about that until you mentioned it just now." How do you forget these things? The mind boggles.

ETA: Hugs, Memphis, and everyone else too. I am so sorry you're going through this.

[This message edited by SadFlower at 3:02 PM, May 23rd (Thursday)]

. . . still sitting on the fence.

I'm a member of this club too. It is mind boggling. I met WH#2 not long after WH#1 left. I wasn't ready for a relationship at the time, and told WH#2 how much painI was in and how devastated I was. I made him promise over and over (even while we were dating) that he would never do that to me. I made him promise over and over that if he wanted to leave, leave. If he wanted to go with another woman, please leave me first. I begged him. I told him it would completely devastate me.

I said please, if you are upset, let's either work it out or leave each other. Don't do that to me.

Over our 20 year marriage, I would bring that up from time to time. Remind him if he was ever upset, or unhappy to talk about it first.

I guess that's why I am more devastated this time. My two older boys were teens and I told him when we got married that I was afraid to start over with kids because I didn't want to raise teens again, especially alone.

And what does WH#2 do? The same thing!!! We have 2 sons.

I think too, the second time also opens up old the old wounds, wounds that we thought were completely healed, but they really aren't.

The first time, you are in love and don't expect it, but the second time you think you are smarter, more prepared, trying to prevent it.

It's truly devastating.

Add me to the club...my XSO was also a betrayed spouse. He used the same words to me that his XW used on him.

That was a year ago. I am taking my time to figure me out. Like Heart I am struggling with the "I am not worthy enough to be faithful to".

Hugs to us all...

I was in therapy the first time around and can't say that it's helped very much; there have just been too many times, and still are, I want to be on the other side of the world and away from everyone and everything. What I'm saying is, I don't believe time will make things right. I'm not a young girl anymore. All of this worries me. I know what I have to offer and yet it's not recognized. I shouldn't rely on anyone to validated me. I know this! Yet my H is a vital part of my life who hasn't validated me. Why should this be so important? I apologize if I sound like a broken record. I'm just trying to figure things out. Hugs to you.