SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This is bugging me, so I will bring it here and get some insight, hopefully.

Ex has finally convinced MOW to separate. Either that or her BH finally had enough. I found out that she probably filed for divorce and for sure her husband moved out.

Ex flew there because she was upset her H moved out.

MOW has a 10 year old (I think) son with her H.

I would imagine that she would have a hard time getting custody if she told the husband that her lover lives in Canada and she wants to move there.

I think Ex is planning to move to Europe to be with her.

I have no confirmation of this but second hand from his ex-wife (my informant whom I can only trust with predjudice).

The only reason I care about this is:

1. He would ask to have the kids visit him (with MOW, barf) there in Europe without me.

I had a lawyer tell me that he can ask all he wants but it doesn't mean that I have to comply if he was the one that decided to move so far away from his kids.

2. Will he continue to pay CS from overseas? What recourse do I have if he cuts CS off?

Does anyone (other that GriefStricken25) have an ex overseas?

We were never married so there are no divorce papers.

Finances are separate.

He pays CS now bi-weekly through direct deposit from his father's bank account (based the amount of his 2011 income).

I always thought that this senario would be "the best". She would stay away from my kids. I wish I could say that I can survive without the child support but I find that keeping the house on my own is a little difficult without the extra money.

I could do it but, really, why should he get off scot free from all of his responsibilities?

I just can't help worrying about this.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 12:22 PM, May 23rd (Thursday)]

Check with maintenance enforcement in your province to find out if they have a reciprocal agreement with the country he's moving to. If there is, then you can have his wages garnished and whatever you have in a Child Support order is what he has to pay, wherever he lives.

Also, I don't know what your custody arrangement is, but I would make sure you have it in writing that all visits take place in your country, and have a police enforcement clause put in just in case he gets any stupid ideas.

Thanks GriefStricken.

I always said that if he finally did have the balls to leave that I would ask him to sign something giving me sole custody.

Unfortunately, he looked that up on the internet and had a problem with the idea that I would be leagally able to make decisions about them without his input. Um, how is that different than right now?

I will go to a lawyer for a consult about this.

There is no decree in our case since there was no marriage and he never wants to spend money on legal advice.

I did check and the country he would likely move to has a reciprocal agreement with Canada. However, if he declines to tell me where he is or how much he makes I'm not sure what I can do.

That is when I would go for sole legal custody on the grounds of abandonment.

This is on my mind so much and I'm still not 100% sure it will happen. But, I want to be prepared.

All you can do is prepare. If he's out of the country, a judge will easily give you sole custody.

I'm not sure what you can do if he won't tell you where he is, but maintenance have lots of ways of finding people. They would go through his family if they have to, I believe.

Do you currently have a court order stating what he is to pay you in support? If you do, maintenance will enforce THAT, regardless of what he's making. They go entirely by what the court order states.

No court order for anything.

Unfortunately.

We went on the internet and set support based on his salary with the tables they provide for each province.

He made less last year (and not sure if he even filed 2012 taxes yet) since he took a month off without pay to stay with MOW, so I didn't ask for his payments to change.

Have you heard of the Sunshine List? That is how I know how much he made.

I also wouldn't be surprised if he said he had no job and she was keeping him as a boy toy. She did have a high paying job until she got laid off (or "quit for him" as he once told me).

I guess they will just live on love alone.

So much for the kids right?

Well, as long as he is in the country and paying support, I'd lay low. But if you hear of him officially moving, I'd get to a lawyer (you may qualify for free or reduced services. I do.), and get an official court order regarding visitation and support. A judge will NOT look kindly on a man skipping out of the country and not paying support for his kids.

I am in the US and my X fled the US because of unpaid taxes, CS, and bills.

However, if he declines to tell me where he is or how much he makes I'm not sure what I can do.

Yep, there is the rub. Even before he fled the country he refused to tell me where he lived because he knew the CSE would come after him. In the US, the state CSE only has authority in its own state. They must have a residential address in order to ask another state CSE to take action on their behalf. I am sure there is even more red tape when it comes to trying to get another country to enforce my state's CSE actions. I have not even tried because X does not have a job and I do not have an address for him (but I think I could find it if needed). So right now I live without CS and the unpaid CS keeps increasing every month. In the mean time the state is doing what it can including suspending his license and issuing a warrant for him, but none of this does any good while he is in another country. The CSE has also flagged his passport so he cannot renew it, but his is not up for renewal for several years. I have heard that Canada will actually suspend a passport in some cases, but apparently not in the US.

But the major obstacle you face is that you have no court order. Without a court order then there is not a damn thing that you can do. The government will not help you without a court order. Unpaid CS will not accrue without a court order. You are screwed without a court order. THAT should be your number one priority right now. Contact the CSE in your province because they may help you get a court order (in my state they will do that).

As far as your kids visiting him in another country, because you do not have a custody agreement and he is legally their father then he can take them without your permission. However, he can only do that if he has passports for the kids. If you decide to get a custody order then I suggest that it states the kids cannot leave the country without written permission from the other parent. That may limit your movement (you won't be able to take the kids to the US or overseas without his written permission) but it may be worth it to ensure that he does not take them overseas. And if he does take them without permission, then the government (both Canada and the other country) are more likely to act. If he took them and you did not have a custody agreement then you would have to petition the court after the fact to grant you custody before the government is likely to help you.

I know that my post is pessimistic, but I want you to have a realistic view of what may happen. Your idiot X may continue to support the kids without a court order (it is a good sign that he is doing that now -- mine refused to pay anything until the court order). And he may not be clever enough to trick the kids into secretly getting on a plane for overseas. So you may be worrying for no reason. But then, he is a proven liar so you cannot trust him so it would be best to be prepared.

(((hugs)))

You need a CS order for the province to even try to get him to pay from overseas.

No way in heck would I let my kids visit him overseas without custody papers in place. You would have no way of getting them back if he refused to return them. Just my 2 cents.

This is what I do have right now.

I have a paper signed by him (that went to Revenue Canada) saying that I have custody of the kids at my residence. The paper shows his present address (different from mine obviously).

The paper states that he pays me child support in the amount dictated by the province and the link to the tables.

I had to send this to prove to Revenue Canada that the kids live with me and I am entitled to claim them on my income tax.

I used this document on our recent trip to the US when the customs agent asked if I had a letter from the father. He had no problem with it.

I also have their passports in my possession, plus their long form birth certificates.

I don't think he would even try to trick them into going somewhere with him without my permission. He's just not that interested in being a parent. He's Jetsetter Gigolo Asshole right now and "step daddy" to another man's son (he always wanted a son).

However, he lies and I can't really believe some of the stuff he has done so it's still in my mind.

I will look for a consult with a family lawyer to find out what I can do. If it's just a matter of getting his signature on a pre-departure document, I may be able to get him to sign.

Thanks everyone for the responses.