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Apparently Perv has filed a "counter claim" and I am waiting to hear from L what it is about.

I wanted to ask any of you the same thing, or any ideas for how such things work and what they mean?

I am rambling now but also wonder if it is affecting his job searching, because any information about him is very different, where mine is all the same, just my street and house number and so on. No, I don't go looking anymore at long last, I just wonder from time to time and think it must catch up with a person eventually?

He was also having some things that said different years he was born and would even have different glasses or appearance. I would think at some point these things would catch up with a person, esp. with regard to employment search, as I said?

It still feels really surreal, like something that should only be on tv or down the street, but is actually in our house...does anyone else ever feel that way?

Also, he is not submitting some of the papers and I wonder how long it may be traditional to wait, though understand it probably differs state to state. I have heard that this is a tactic his L uses for a variety of reasons, largely to agitate the "other side", and get the "other side" to spend more money, so I'm working at patience and pretending it doesn't bother me.

The consensus of very few people I have asked is that he is attempting to hide something. Well, that would be OW!, and money/assets he doesn't want to say he has?

And it's a curious thing, because he made no secret of the town OW and tribe reside in, but now is going to great length to hide, giving other paces or nothing for an address.

I wondered if others on SI have experience with this and if it just went by or how much it matters? I myself don't want to know those things and they are triggers, but I was surprised it would be allowed for such things as court and law.

Thanks for any thoughts and reading my ramble.

A counterclaim just means that he's filing for something back at you. It is a term used whenever a defendant files suit against a plaintiff. Let's say you filed for divorce on grounds of adultery. He tells his lawyer that you were evil and mean throughout the M (just for the sake of example), so rather than just denying the adultery in his answer, he files for divorce against you for "extreme cruelty" with him as plaintiff and you as defendant. It can then take up a lot of time to sort through everyone's allegations. I'm not sure what he would have to gain from this, other than to cause mayhem in the court room (says me, filing a counterclaim of my own).

As for the evasiveness, come up with a complete a list as you can (like using different birth years... if he is trying to evade something, this could be fraud) of instances where he is hiding things and pass it along to your L. The address thing will annoy the judge, but there's not a whole lot you can do about that until he does so in violation of a court order.

If delaying paper submission is an L tactic, I guarantee every lawyer in family court thinks he's a douche, and hopefully have some techniques to manage it. Your L is the best person to advise, since it depends on the rules in your jurisdiction and the types of papers he is withholding.

It is annoying, but best thing is to try and detach from this nightmare and let it work its way through the courts *as long as* you currently have the temporary support and visitation orders you need to get by while this is pending, and he is paying.

If your L is too passive in dealing with douchey opposing counsel, you can fire him/her at any time and retain someone else.

My STBX still, to this day 16 months after serving him with D papers, he still has not provided all of the financial discovery. We had to FORCE him to give us what we have. We've had to delay court date after court date. We're going ahead & proceeding with the D, even though we know we don't know everything. Yes, he's tried to hide money. Yes, he's tried to hide & minimize how much he's spent on/given to OW. At this point I just don't care. I don't care. I just want to be done. I need a decent amount in SS & CS so I can get back on my feet career-wise. Other than that, just let's get divorced already.

Thank you!

I'm not sitting around panicked or anything, just wondering as I read the papers. I think it's kind of funny, during stronger times, that someone who cheated and some of the other shi... things he did, is aware of the wrong they did but follows it up with dinging me in court for doing nothing!

Somethings I've heard "on the wind", so to speak, or little words he slipped out during the end of false R are that he thinks I was/am emotionally unstable. I forget the exact words, but basically that I am fruity because I show emotions and can't cover them up as good as he can or try to work through them with DD rather than ignore or send her to her room.

He's also called other people the same thing, so that's something I wonder if he's trying to do to make himself look better in court? Really, though, we all know including him, no matter what he likes to say about "what led up to my A". And I say, "Why didn't you work on it with your wife instead of another?"

Thank you for sharing these ideas. I would think he would want to be all through it asap, esp. as he makes noise like rustling leaves about his grand future with OW.

Yes, I've wondered too about L and have been nervous because at the initial interview, he talked about alimony, but is hedging and saying, "don't count on it." We live in no-alimony state, but I know of at least one person in the same shoes who got it.

How to tell if a lawyer is any good or going to be bullied? I've waited for a while on some questions that L has not answered, but I don't know if he is waiting or how any of it works.