SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I also think you need some intense, possibly inpatient treatment.

You're escalating. You could seriously or fatally harm Juki.

Don't wait for IC. Call your local hospital and ask for help.

stillloving him

I had a pretty normal upbringing, although my Father could be pretty harsh. We didn’t talk a great deal in my family. Issues were avoided, hence my tendency to rug sweep. Confrontation was also avoided at all costs. My Father controlled my Mother but I don’t recall him being angry on a few notable occasions.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is this. I don’t blame my childhood for my behaviour. Whatever my problems are, I haven’t figured it out.

Why has Juki never called the cops on you?

gonnabe2016

Possibly because I could lose my job.

[This message edited by Sazerac at 3:25 PM, May 31st (Friday)]

Possibly because I could lose my job.

Is that what she has said or is that you guessing why?

Do you threaten her with your "possible" job loss if she reaches out for help?

MissesJai

You say you thought you got it - how did you come to this conclusion?

I typed a big response, hit the wrong key and poof.

Long story short, I've been able to listen to Juki's concerns and thoughts for about two weeks without reacting. For me that's a big deal.

I thought I was starting to learn to control my emotions. I felt calm, and non-confrontational, regardless of what Juki was saying.

I wasn't perfect, but I was far better than I've been for a very long time.

Sazerac

So glad you are seeing it is wrong. Now are you on medication? Some meds will make you react with anger

Just a thought.

But also my spouse was doing this actng like an enraged bull. He even cocked his fist back as if he was gonna hit me! I am not a meek person so I turned on! Needless to say he is on meds he says he feels calmer and wants to stay on them. He just got an increase recently for being hateful.

I am not pushing AD pills but sometimes they have their place.

I hope you find a happy spot.

Thanks for the response. Now that you've acknowledged your behavior, what is your next move?

Aubrie84

Possibly because I could lose my job

Is that what she has said or is that you guessing why?

Do you threaten her with your "possible" job loss if she reaches out for help?

I based it on what she said before and on what I thought she was saying today. I just spoke with her a short time ago and she was adamant that she never said that and would never screw herself by getting me fired.

Maybe I'm not hearing her when she speaks or I'm distorting what she says to suit my own agenda.

The truth is, I will likely lose my job if the police are called because I am mandated to tell my superiors anytime I'm arrested, etc.

Juki said she wouldn't call my boss, and I have no reason not to believe her, so I should consider that a dead issue.

I do threaten her with my ob loss and with money problems because we will soon be unable to pay our all of our mortgages.

If we don't sell our rental property within a few weeks, we will start to miss payments.

I know this situation is largely my fault because my anger cuased Juki to stay in bed most of last year, which affected her business.

Instead of working on my rental property last Summer, I was sitting on my ass in one of the apartment, which I used as a convenient way to avoid conflict.

I still have problems accepting full responsibility for our financial situation, but as time passes, I'm starting to realize that my action are the primary cause of our problems.

heartache101

What's an AD pill?

MissesJai

what is your next move?

I'm going to make more of an effort to post, in addition to doing the work that needs to be finished.

I have an IC appointment on Tues afternoon, and I'm going to ask her about group therapy and more intense anger management therapy, as well.

Juki thinks I have something else to admit, which I don't.

She wants to see real work on my part and/or an admission.

I keep getting defensive every-time she suggests I have something to divulge.

I guess my next move is not to get defensive when she questions me. I understand that my behavior indicates that I'm having an affair, so I need to work hard to convince her I'm not.

I also need to find and read a book.

AD=anti-depressant. I'm guessing.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist in addition to seeing an IC? If not, I would suggest you go see one. There are rage disorders that they can help treat with medication and adjust your therapy based on diagnosis.

Dude. I just don't even know what to say to you right now. And I'm gonna admit that I'm very upset with you. I have been posting to you since your original saz part 1 (or whatever it was titled) thread that you started last year.

Juki said she wouldn't call my boss, and I have no reason not to believe her, so I should consider that a dead issue.

No, Saz, it is NOT a *dead* issue. Seriously?????

OF COURSE Juki isn't going to call your freaking boss. You will get fired or relieved from duty or whatever the *punishment* is in Canada. You guys have been barely scraping by for months and months now. She calls your boss, you get fired-----she's screwed. Win/win for you. You get to continue to terrorize her with no repercussions. It's almost as if you are holding her hostage.

Sure it's good that you're back and posting and I've always gotten the impression that you really and truly want to be *different*....but, Saz...it has been over a year and it is the same old shit and it's getting worse. Last I heard from Juki's postings....you guys were divorcing. What happened to change that?

I don't even know you and *I'm* kinda scared of you....I can't imagine how it would feel to be married to you.

Think of your son. He sounds like an awesome kid. He is old enough to *see* you. Is who you are now really how you want him to remember you as?

Get help. Google treatments for anger management or abusive treatment. Saz, this is NOT how you want your son to *see* you. You have no idea how much respect you will gain in his eyes if he sees you going *balls to the wall* to fix.your.shit and treat his mother with the respect that she deserves.

(as an aside, I'm a bit miffed about the revelation of *3* OW's after all of your voracious proclamations that it was only the 1. Lying isn't cool and I can totally understand why Juki doesn't believe you).

You two really need to let each other go.

Saz,

You have said from day one that you don't know what happens when you get angry, it just happens. If that is really the case, why are you still with her?

Things are escalating, take responsibility and be done. You have had a long time to see a Dr, get therapy, get on meds and you have done none of it. Why?

I've been trying to accept responsibility for my behavior

Trying? You will accept responsibility or you won't.

What's keeping you from change for the better?

I have an IC apt next week where I'll ask about additional help. I'm in a really tight spot when it comes to how much I divulge about my issues to the military medical system.

Case in point. I have a friend who has served on missions all over the world and has seen some pretty crappy stuff. Late last year, he started having problems and sought mental health treatment at the Base Hospital. Within three months, without him knowing it, they had processed him for medical release. He found out when he received a letter in the mail.

My friend is in the Regular Army; I'm now a Reservist, and although I work full-time, my contract depends on my fitness. Mental health issues = unemployment. That's why I'm treading lightly around the military medical system.

I'm not sure what else I can say at the moment,

Yeah. Whatever.

SAZ!

So you're in the reserve? A 'National guard' type thing? That's hardly the position your friend was in as he was in the active military. YOU would be able to seek help from the word go without losing your job.

Get into an intensive anger management program and leave your wife alone.

Work on YOU!

Your sudden appearance here after quite a while just looks manipulative(Take note, users).

Juki has her own problems. Maybe if your work on yours, she'll work on hers.

Yes. You're pissed. She's been laying around in bed for a year (so says you, I would love to hear from her) and accusing you of actions that you insist you didn't do.

If that's true, I 'get' the anger.

The deal is, you do NOT have the right to either verbally or emotionally abuse your wife.

You do have the right to divorce.

I have to admit, every time I see one of you guys show up *every-so-once-in-a-while* proclaiming your new-found devotion to R, yet making excuses all the time....all I think is that you want to preserve your primary relationship because of finances.

If that's the case, (and I'm not saying it is), too bad for you.

I hope your IC appointment goes well. You need it.

[This message edited by FinallyHappy at 2:33 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)]