SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Rejection of attempts at sex.

Complaints of lack of sex.

^^^ That was the biggie for me too.

At some point he also started putting a password on his phone but he's always been a nut about privacy so that didn't bother me... He was paranoid too, said weird stuff, but you know how it is -- you intentionally blind yourself from things that could hurt you until they get thrown right into your face.

I also have a really strong intuition and I was literally having visions but I told myself I was crazy. Won't ever do that again!

Oddly besides maybe him being on his phone texting more often I didn't really see any warning signs but I knew in my gut something was absolutely wrong. I was pregnant at the time and kept telling myself it was just the hormones. One night at 4AM, I snuck out to his car and tore it apart looking for evidence. It wasn't until months later that he left his wallet at home he went to work and I found a computer SD card inside the wallet that I watched and saw him receiving oral sex on video that it really hit me. Sometimes there just aren't blaring warning signs.

There were many, but, I never could look at them from infidelity angle.

I thought initially, me being out of the country due work and a little DS in his terrible threes had changed the family dynamic and I had to catch up.

She was so busy on the phone and I knew she had tremendous work pressure ( false projection by exW)

So it was easy for me neglect her constant being glued to the phone.

OM used to drop her home everyday, I thought some kind bloke from the office is helping her out after a tough long day at work.

I thought her work pressure and DS was making her drive to mood swings and my presence made her hate me somehow.

Basically she had laid the groundwork to never get caught.

I thought it was matter of time, that her work load reduces and she becomes normal again.

Well, turns out there was no work load AT ALL.

They used to get out of office at 5-6 pm and loiter around the city. Checking out new eateries, malls, parks and of course OM's pad.

There were no warning signs. Nothing. No lipstick on the collar, no texting, no cell calls, no new underware, no receipts, no late nights. Nothing.

Just telling me he loved me every single day for 30 years.

What there WAS, was an OW for two decades, an OC and a completely separate other life.

I got ILYBINILWY. He acted like an asshole throughout and before the A. He was distant. When we had sex, he was angry and aggressive.

- he joined a gym because he 'wanted to look attractive'(obviously not for me)

- he'd only go to the gym in the evening after the children were in bed so he knew I couldn't check up on him

- his phone was attached to him, password protected, or hidden.

- he was bad tempered towards me and the kids

- he 'worked late' just about every night and wouldn't get home until 8pm.

- argumentative and cold

- told me the usual 'I love you but I'm not in love with you'

- during false R, he wanted to do certain things during sex that we hadn't done before. He was rougher and made me feel like an object, he only cared about his own 'conclusion'

- constantly criticized me and berated me for being 'selfish' and making everything 'all about you' if I dared to question anything he said or did.

- took photos of himself on the webcam (I found them in the Recycle Bin - idiot), just head and shoulders, some without a top on. When I asked him about them, he said 'they're nothing, I didn't upload them anywhere!'

- was always looking up female school friends on FB (OW2 and OW3 were ex high school friends)and said he was just being friendly and accused me of being antisocial.

Phone always attached to hip.

Constantly playing on phone

Worked out of town, data usage on phone skyrocketed. When he came back, I noticed he had taken a penis pump with him. ???

"my back hurts. I can't go to church today." kids and I get back from church and miraculously, his back is better and he has to go do some errands. (via discovered text message, he was purchasing a prostitute instead)

Mood swings

Friends telling me they heard or thought they seen him with another woman. But never real evidence.

Lots of porn.

Found Bag full of crazy weird sex toys.

Very secretive

Lots of lies that seemed insignificant. YOu know, saying he was one place but was actually somewhere else. Like going to grocery store but went to a drug store instead.

Always broke. Never have any money.

My lesson- should have snooped more. I thought I was being respectful of his privacy. Well, I was, but it wasn't worth it.

Yes, my gut! There were no particular behaviors that I can put my finger on but I had a nagging feeling in my gut that something wasn't right. I didn't confront or speak to my FWH about it until the nagging instincts got the better of me and I started investigating... and found the truth. My advice to anyone who is being nagged by their gut.... PAY ATTENTION, CHECK IT OUT, DON'T WAIT!

** He did seem to have an unhealthy attachment to his cell phone, and I think that's when my gut started nagging me**

[This message edited by CryingGreenEyes at 7:45 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)]

Yes to the post above me!!!! YOUR INSTINCT!!!!! Trust it

All the popular warning signs were there. I just subconsciously chose to ignore them til D-day. I always said I was blind-sided, but now - 9 years later - I can admit I "knew", way, way down deep, something was wrong. I just never dreamt it would ever happen.

Wanted a second smart phone ( so he wouldn't be using a work phone for sexting) and small but noticeable money disappearing. I even asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said "no I have two". Turns out more like 20. also sent flowers for the first time in 20 years.

My FWH had always been very attentive and never had raised his voice to me. All this changed and he started fights and was critical of me. He also stopped talking about work, because she was a co worker he was talking to her about work.

He did not have a cell phone but saw her everyday so he didn't need one.