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Shockaroo (original poster new member #39430) posted at 6:32 PM on Monday, June 3rd, 2013
Just found out last friday. We have been together 3 years. He left his phone at the house and it was buzzing off the hook. I looked at it and it waS a weird number. i googled the number and it was an escort. Read through all the texts. He totally admitted to everything. This is actually the same escort he cheated on his last partner with. Apparently the escort just got out of jail. He is taking full responsibility so far. We are both getting tested for STD's today. I feel like someone stabbed me in the heart. I can't eat or breathe. I am cycling through emotions like crazy. Glad I found a place to talk and vent. I haven't told anyone as I don't want my friends/family to form a lynch mob. He did let me slap him in the face as hard as I could. That felt good.
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 6:53 PM on Monday, June 3rd, 2013
Honey honey honey…
I’m trying to restrain myself because I KNOW when we get posts like yours we old-timers are SO CLEAR on what’s your best option… And I know it’s not what you want to hear or came here to get.
But the clincher is that this is the same escort he cheated on his former partner with…
Why do you think he will stop?
What makes you think he will change?
What is he doing differently now?
Three years is a long time, but compared to the pain you are getting yourself into…
Seriously think of why you want to remain with this man. Seriously look into what he’s doing other than promising it’s over.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 6:56 PM on Monday, June 3rd, 2013
^^ Great advice.
I wanted to add...don't hit him again(I know it felt good). You can not trust this man..he has been cheating and lying to you. If he gets angry with you because you're sad or mad over what he has done,he can go to the police and have you arrested for hitting him...don't give him that power. And,please,don't say "he would never do that!" Because,right now,he has just proven you don't know who he is or what he is capable of.
(((((Shockaroo))))
[This message edited by confused615 at 12:56 PM, June 3rd (Monday)]
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Tiredofthepain ( member #37932) posted at 7:09 PM on Monday, June 3rd, 2013
UGH, I so know your pain, but at least you haven't invested 20 years of your life into a marriage to find out that for a year your WS cheated with at least 7 of the whores.
I will refrain from giving too much advice right now, but just know that he has a serious problem and it has nothing to do with you, it's something very wrong with him.
ME-BS 48
HIM-WS 38
WS is SA, multiple visits to prostitutes.
Status: Hanging in there
I would rather be told a hurtful truth than a comforting lie.
1devastedmom ( member #38399) posted at 7:39 PM on Monday, June 3rd, 2013
My WH also cheated with prostitutes for the last 9 years of our marriage. I agree with Bigger, if I knew then what I know now I would've never married him. Now we have 25 years together and 3 children. Not so easy to just leave. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.
Shockaroo (original poster new member #39430) posted at 8:08 PM on Monday, June 3rd, 2013
I know, I know. He's hit rock bottom. There are other issues, not related to me that he has ignored. This is just all a part of a list of psychological issues etc. He has already scheduled a therapy session, and is seeking treatment for other issues. I did not tell him to do this, he did it on his own. Do I know if he will change, No. Absolutely not. I'm just trying to really decide what I want to do.
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 11:23 PM on Monday, June 3rd, 2013
Shockaroo, you don't have to decide One Darned Thing right now. You really don't. Take it in, think about it, and make whatever decision is best for you in YOUR own good time. You need to figure out if you could ever possibly trust that he would not go back to that hooker if she called. Because it certainly doesn't look good, based on his track record.
And with gentleness, you need to call your doctor and have a complete STD/HIV panel run. On you and on him. You need to NOT be sexually intimate with him until both of your initial panels have come back negative, and be sure to schedule your follow-up test for HIV. I know that sounds horrifying, but when he slept with her, he slept with every person she's ever slept with, and that includes those in jail. So for your own health and live's sake, you have to assume that one or more infections are possible and go get tested. Close your ears to "but I used a condom every time!" because it's a lie. And even if perchance they did use a condom for actual penetration, that doesn't cover oral sex. 
I'm so sorry to have to bring this up to you.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Shockaroo (original poster new member #39430) posted at 6:56 PM on Sunday, June 30th, 2013
Thanks SKAN. Yes, I demanded we both get tested. We both came back negative. Doing HIV follow up in a couple of months. Both in therapy.(separately) then together later on down the line. Moving forward. Taking it day by day. Some days are better than others. This is the hardest thing I have had to deal with.Still not sure what will happen but I am not concerned with way down the line, just today.
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