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Just went to my retirement plan to get out some money. I have been unemployed since Dday#1 with WH#2 and I have not asked him for a dime, now or ever before. Also my poor health is the reason I am/have not been working. Luckily I had money saved up and it lasted for a long time, but now I am forced to dip into my retirement plan to pay my bills until I can go back to work.

Anyway, called my retirement account people and my account has a hold on it and has had for the last 10yrs. I had no idea XWH#1 put a hold on my retirement money during the divorce or that he could even do that. I of course refused to give him any of my retirement and it states that in the final divorce papers. It just pisses me off after all this time he is still fu#$ing with me. Now I have another WH#2 that refuses to even help me, except to pay his half of the bills. I feel like a roomate that does all the domestic chores around the house-cooking, cleaning, laundry while he comes home and sits on his ass every night, except mows the grass once every 2 weeks. I have bought all the neccessities-food, house products, personal products, and such for the last year and he gripes when he has to pay when we go out to eat once in a blue moon. The bill is usually so high because he has to get drunk while he eats, then he has the nerve to look at me and say he has to quit being so generous. What the hell is wrong with these WS's that they feel so entitled to act like this. He doesn't pay me as a cook, dry cleaner, maid, or grocery shopper. I don't pay him to mow the grass either but it takes an hour every couple of weeks, which I can certainly do myself if I have to, but I refuse to now. The things I do for him are daily chores, 7days a week, hours everyday and he wants to act like I owe him something.

(((Trust)))

Did they what you can do to get the hold taken off the retirement account? Do you need to reach out to a lawyer or fax the retirement group your divorce papers?

I think its standard ops for retirement plan mgrs to ask for spouse signature. *they* may have an automatic hold that isn't related to any action on his part. They may assume you are still M.

Try to solve this by providing your divorce decree.

I have to send them my divorce decree to get the hold off, which they said could take awhile to do. They said the laws had changed since my divorce and the judge now has to order the hold. Back then his lawyer filed the hold papers with my job and I never knew anything about it.

Anyway now I have to "borrow" money from WH#2 to pay my half of the bills until I can get ahold of my money. He is such a tight wad with "HIS" money. As his wife I shouldn't even have to worry about this or worry about paying him back. It is just another thing that makes me feel like I'm not really in a marriage and he doesn't have my back. If he were ill and out of work, I wouldn't hesitate to pay the bills and would never ask him for a dime of it back. As a matter of fact, we lived together for over a year prior to marriage, and I paid all the bills at my house and never asked him to help out. Bill paying has always been a stressful time at our house each month and he always got an attitude whenever he has to sit down and pay bills. I always thought writing two checks for every bill was stupid and had sggested we open a joint account and each contribute to that account. He would never agree to do it. His ex-wife took him to the cleaners when they got divorced. She also failed to pay their house payment and their house was repoed along with her car. It ruined his credit for many years. I could always understand where he was coming from because my ex wiped out our checking account and the kids college fund money when I filed for D and I never saw the money again. Most was my inheritance from my Mom, but stupid me trusted him and put it in our joint account. In less than a year he had went through over $100,000 and I had no idea. He was taking the max out of the ATM everyday and hiding the bank statements from me. He had joined a swinger's club that I found his membership for so I am not sure what he was spending the money on, but I can guess. Makes me to think about it. Anyway, vent over, Thanks for listening to me whine.

Why are you buying his food? 180 his ass and only do your laundry, cook for only yourself, etc.

Why are you still living with him?