SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Happier days: like you I did everything right after the first day. Then we separated and instead of heading to divorce we R'd.

I ignored certain clues, certain that he wouldn't return to his old behavior. Wrong. He died before I could confront him and guess what -- finances are a mess, strange texts are showing up on his phone, and even his shrink admits he was "secretive". Point is, your H hasn't changed and you shouldn't have to live like that. Don't end up like me..mourning on the outside--seething with rage and regret on the inside. You deserve better.

Is the email address a gmail account by any chance?

The reason I ask is, I have one and if I receive an email on my phone and delete it, it will not appear in my gmail account if I log on, on a computer. So if the OW is responding and he is deleting the response you will not see it in the account. This might be the same for other email service providers?

I am sorry you are hurting.

Same with my hotmail account bluebird. Happierdays regardless of if she responded or not he isn't taking your R seriously, but you don't need me to tell you that. You're in no rush to make a decision but we're here for you what and when ever you decide.

If I were you I would call his "poor choice". File for divorce and have him served. Right now you are in false reconciliation and if you don't do anything about this, it will continue. File, wake him up and see if he does what is necessary to keep you. Stop putting up with this bull shit... Before you know it there will be another woman and next time she may just respond back.

You don't have to go through with the divorce but there needs to be consequences for his actions so he can see that he can't play you for a fiddle.

Look for that second phone, install the VAR. Get your financial house in order, check and photocopy bank statements, credit card statements, income tax returns, income tax returns, pay stubs etc. Put all of these in a safe place. If there is a second phone, the statements may confirm it. Set some money aside, seek some legal advice and retain counsel.

Doing the above will help you emotionally more than you know. To know that YOU will be all right IF it comes to a break-up will give you emotional power, financial assurance, and a whole lot more. Get yourself prepared for the worst, and then you will feel much better. Trust me.

I will also add that if this is enough to make you walk, then it was enough to confront him with. If this was not enough to make you walk, decide now what is. Then if/when it happens, it will help you at that time because you won't have to make a decision; it's already been made.

Only when you have whatever it is you need to walk do you confront.

When you do confront, use I Think I Can's method. It leaves no room for arguing, excuses, nothing. Just the message, "Done!"

Thank you again to all of you who have responded, you're all such great voices of reason and encouragement.

I think it has finally sunk in to WH's brain that our marriage is very near being over. He started talking last night, finally openly talking. It's going to take so much more than that if we hope to save this sinking ship of a marriage, but it's the most he's done.

Ironically the Not Just Friends book I ordered a couple weeks back also arrived, time for him to make some efforts.