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It's bad enough thinking about getting to R after an A but what if the other elephant in the room is the disease!! I am thinking that's one hurdle I may not be able to get over. Anyone out there ever have?

Oh ick, I got it. My H had been cheating for 5 years. Around the 3rd or 4th year of his infidelity (which I knew nothing of at the time), I got a weird rash around my nose. It lasted for a week or two, didn't think much of it. About 6 months to a year later, I had another weird rash around my nose, again, thought nothing of it.

DDay happened, still didn't connect the dots. 8 months after DDay, had another outbreak and finally recognized a connection. I researched to see if facial Herpes was even possible (I always heard of genital and oral Herpes only) and found out that, while very rare, it IS possible.

It was then that I went to the clinic and had a full battery of tests done, as did H. Turns out, he brought it home to me. Sadly, I'm the only one of either of us that has physical symptoms of it too... yeah me!

Interestingly enough, I'm having another outbreak right now too, probably why I'm spending so much time on SI over the past few weeks.

I'm so sorry you have this disease also. While embarrassing and painful, it is not going to ruin either of our lives. We will go on, we will overcome it, and we will carry on in spite of it!

(((Austin)))

Hey Austin.

I've heard of several couples who are navigating R while dealing with STD's. Hopefully someone will chime in soon.

Since I don't have direct experience with this, you may find some help in our I Can Relate forum with others who have been in your shoes:

STD Support for BS's

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=435571

(((Austin)))

I am trying to deal with the pain and hurt how can someone proclaim to love you and hurt you so bad, the pain is so bad it's hard to breathe. Trying to move forward.

[This message edited by 1armystrong at 9:00 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

the ow told me that she had herpes and had it for 15 years. she said she told my husband about it up front...she said..."i tell everyone that i sleep with that i have herpes and let them make their own decision." i guess it was "okay" with my husband to put my health at risk and decided to sleep with her for over a year...KNOWING full well that she had an STD. ow told me she wanted me to know the truth to "cleanse her soul."

so far, we have not tested positive for it.

but just knowing all of this has made it very difficult to r with him. he had no regard for my well being...in any way.

My wh gave it to me also. I found out when I was at my yearly exam from my dr. I told her I felt I had blisters. Silly me, I have intercystial cystitis and I thought I was having a reaction from the meds. The dr told me even before she checked me that it sounded like I have herpes.

After she checked me she told me I have it. I said to her, I guess my husband has been cheating on me then. She is a very kind dr and she told me I could have had it for years and not known. I told her I knew that wasn't the case because I have a very weak immune system for that to be true.

When I got home from the dr, I called wh and asked him if he had been cheating on me, of course he said no. So I said to him, if you have this would be a good time to tell me. Again he said no. So I said then do you want to tell me how I got herpes?

I found out that not only had he cheated and gave me herpes but that it was with a prostitute.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Due to my H's ONS in 2010, we both got tested. We both tested positive for herpes - BUT he had not touched me since the ONS at the time of my test. Apparently we have both had it asymptomatically for years. It can happen. I do sometimes have issues with cold sores (have since childhood) and taking large doses of L-Lysine helps with that. I have read that Lysine also helps with HSV-2 outbreaks too.

It is totally unfair that youare having to deal with this but I just wanted to reassure you that it doesn't mean you will have a huge cloud over your life. There are definitely ways to manage the virus. ((hugs))