This Topic is Archived
mj052 (original poster member #38495) posted at 1:46 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
It's been a year since d-day for me. I did an earlier post this morning about when do you ever stop monitoring your wayward spouse.
I put a var in his car yesterday morning on a hunch and while I was listening- discovered a secret meeting between him and the mow!! It's very obvious they're kissing and going at it! They're laughing and joking like teenagers. During their meeting our youngest son calls his father- and she says our son's name. "Oh- it's Michael!" I felt like throwing up!
I texted my wh and told him that he needed to make arrangements to find somewhere to stay. Then I went to the bank and got a cashiers check for my attorney! Oddly- I'm not angry! Apparently- I wasn't the prize afterall and our 32 year marriage meant nothing to him!!
I wasted a year of my life in false r!! I feel absolutely numb inside!!! I guess monsters really do exist!!!
Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!
Must Survive ( member #34533) posted at 1:49 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorced-Let my new beginning start
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen
mj052 (original poster member #38495) posted at 1:51 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
The absolute worst- we made love this morning and he told me that he loved me!! It's all so bittersweet- we've been making love for over 33 years- and this morning was the last time!!!
Are these people soulless or what?
Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 1:52 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
Oh, mj! Honey? You ARE the prize honey. He's the idiot who can't see that.
(((((((mj052))))))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 1:53 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
Oh my gosh, how gut-wrenching! I'm so sorry. But I'm very proud of you for standing up for yourself and calling the shots now!
Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 1:54 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
I imagine you are in shock. I am so very sorry, mj052. Don't be too surprised if you break down later as you are probably running on adrenalin right now.
FTG!!!! He is a heartless monster, and you don't deserve this.
Good for you on telling him to find somewhere else to stay and getting the check. Keep your resolve. You can do it. Post here for support and strength you are doing the right thing for you and your child.
[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 7:26 AM, June 8th (Saturday)]
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
gma56 ( member #19595) posted at 1:59 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
I'm so sorry ! Your gut led you to the truth and now you will never have to live a lie with him. 
Are these people soulless or what?
I think there are many that have none.
Then I went to the bank and got a cashiers check for my attorney!
Time to protect yourself. Cancel ALL credit cards with your name attached to the acct. Take half of all cash from all accts.Make sure your keep all transaction records so you can have proof if needed. Money disappears fast when the secrets are out. Don't ever think he will have your best interests in mind at all.
Big Hugs and I was informed of my false R in a very horrible way also.
gma
BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.
CheaterMagnet ( member #33581) posted at 3:00 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
I'm so so very sorry. 
If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5
Ladyogilvy ( member #31558) posted at 3:30 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
You are the prize. He wasn't willing to let you go. He just thought he could have you and everything else he wanted whenever he wanted it.
Now you will prove him wrong and he'll live to regret it.
Too bad they only learn when we are done. You obviously can't keep living thos way. Follow through with throwing him out. Pursue the divorce immediately. You know the drill.
I can only imagine how much this must hurt when you were so hopeful merely hours before.
Me: BW 57. Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 65Married stopped counting after too many disappointing anniversaries. Two sons, 24&25 years old. He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable evidence of.
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 3:45 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Gr8Lady ( member #36307) posted at 3:58 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
Hugs MJ, you didn't deserve this. None of us did.
Your new reality is to take care of yourself. "First"
So sorry for your pain, but proud of the initiative you're taking!
BS: Me (70yo)FWH: HIM (72 yo)) serial infidelities over past 35 years
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2013
friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over a
year a year. Now his health is declining,
among the lack of communication.
Dare2Trust ( member #21183) posted at 4:10 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
Getting to Happy ( member #35200) posted at 5:00 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
((((mj052)))) I am so sorry.
WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown
dameia ( member #36072) posted at 5:37 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
I'm so sorry mj. His soul is as black and dead as his heart.
Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12
Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.
Nogoingback ( member #38712) posted at 10:13 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
I'm sorry too (((mj))).
He will realise one day what he has lost. Hopefully you are well and truly in a better place by then. Without him.
BS 39
WS 38
together 10 years prior to:
DD 4/8/2011
EA/PA with co-worker while I was pregnant
3 yo DD and 1 to old DS
4 years trying to R
It's over, baby.
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 10:28 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
((((mj))))
I'm so sorry for your pain. You are right - absolutely heartless.
Hang in there and get your ducks in a row. You are going to need all the strength you can muster. Lean on us here when you need to.
((((mj))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
crazynot ( member #24572) posted at 10:38 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
What a total kick in the teeth. I know exactly what you're going through. Just get yourself protected financially for now and treat yourself like china. You've had a horrible shock and no-one should ever be treated like this. Lean on your friends and family IRL and on us... this is the worst but (REALLY) it WILL get better.
Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
Laura28 ( member #28997) posted at 11:14 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
Married 42yrs Me BW 68Yrs Him F?WH 70yrs OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted. Dday May 28 2010. OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years). OW2 2002(8yrs PA). OW3 2009(1Yr PA). Others?? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck 'em"
stillhere09 ( member #24924) posted at 11:41 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
I'm so sorry, mj052.
I left a 20 year M before my 2nd M. Over 30 years, I can't imagine.
Sending you strength. You are doing the right thing.
Your numbness may be semi-shock. It may also be that you have been through enough emotionally and are simply ready to move on. It helped me a great deal to look ahead rather than look back at could-a, would-a, should-a' , remember-when, and if-only.
Look ahead. Exciting chapters of your life are in store for you.
Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH
Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M
Bravenewgirl ( member #36267) posted at 11:49 AM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013
Oh god, you are living my worst nightmare.
I will never understand how someone could be so cruel to a person the claim to love. These people are not capable of love, only selfishness. Unreal!
This man watched you fall apart from the pain of the A, watched you have the love and strength to give him another chance, and then he does it again!!! I am shaking with anger for you.
Get those bitch boots on girl. What a grade A asshole. He has really shit the bed this time.....let him lie in it.
Don't come around here no more
-Tom Petty
This Topic is Archived
