SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I waivered last time - right after DDay and he wangled his way back in and has done nothing to make this any better or easier for me. So I wont be making that mistake again!!

When I said I didn't think he realises how hurtful his words I, I meant in the long term I guess. He says them, he thinks I sulk for a bit and then we are over it. But they linger there and play on my mind. And yes, I guess actually he does want me to do just that.

Thank you for your kind and supportive words and 2x4s!!

He says them, he thinks I sulk for a bit and then we are over it.

2x4 here....

He thinks you are over it because you keep allowing it to go on. He does it, you get mad, give him the silent treatment, he does nothing then you cave and slowly like water torture the life you have chosen to stay in will go round and round.

What he is doing is abuse. One doesn't have to physically hit you for it to be abuse. You are being abused and learning sadly to live with it. And I want to give you a hug because I understand.

But love isn't about staying with someone and hoping or wishing for it to go away. Love needs to be tough sometimes. You up and leaving will not only save yourself it might give him the hard knock he needs to get some help. Although it is not up to you to save him at all, it is up to you to save yourself. And by doing that you will show your children what they should do if ever put in the same situation.

HI BritChick,

Is he all done with OW?

If not, why are you with him anyway?

From your post it sounds like Perv, who does not drink (that I know of) but when challenged-which, for me is a simple question of any sort-will get his back up, so to speak, and be unreasonable and just a jerk.

The difference is, he doesn't do it around me, only through electronic means where he can "hide", as a coward.

I don't like how WH speaks to you and hope you will toss him to the curb soon, if you haven't already. Confrontations are very, very scary, but you sound like a very nice person and we all deserve better.

I don't know how you-or anyone- could begin to heal if the behavior is continuing?

He is not still with the OW, no.

I have no idea why I am still with him. I think out of fear of the fall out. I am past the thinking that it is better for the kids for us all to be together. I am not happy, the children are nit happy.

I am hoping to find some bitch boots as I habe the next few days off work!!

Brit, it's really important for you to recognize that he's just downright nasty and abusive. Once you are able to fully understand that, then his words will not have the *sting* that they do now. You will see his words for exactly what they are--efforts to control, dominate, intimidate, and manipulate you. It really doesn't have anything to do with you or who you are as a person. He will say whatever he needs to say in order to get the outcome that he wants.....which is basically your destruction.

as soon as WH says something detrimental, all my fight leaves me once again

Once you see him without that wasmyhusband *mask*, you'll hear that detrimental shit he says....and instead of caving and feeling like shit, you'll hit DefCon 50 on the anger scale. And your go-to response will be "Go fuck yourself."

Why are you still with him? Have you been to IC about why you are taking this verbal abuse (that is what it is)?

And you should never have a conversation about controlling drinking with someone who has already been drinking. Not sure if he had been but something in the way you worded that gave me the impression he had been.

((hugs))

Well he realised yesterday that I was pissed off. He aaid Do you have the hump? And I said Yes and he said Why?

So I said Because of what you said last week.

He just rolled his eyes and walked away :-(

Arsehole. Trying to get the courage up to kick him out tomorrow