I have been away from here for a while, but I want to give everyone an update.
Its been 5 years since the first Dday and many millions more. Ashamed to say the last one was this last December. I know stupid stupid me. But to be super honest I felt so sorry for this person I thought it was the best for him. However that cost me my happiness my liberty and alot of tears...again.
Not suprisingly enough I found him "chating" texting some new girl and that was my card out I had a good enough "excuse" and reason to kick his ass out for the millionth time without asking for any explanation wich he has tried over and over and over to do and I just don't want to hear it. I don't care!!
I got right back on the horse I had left when I took X back. However I felt I was right back where I had left last time. I moved on and at turbo speed. No pain no suffering as other times.
I started to live life just like I had before I let him come back into it and even better.
In march I got a new car for myself one I had been wanting for years. I got my groove back. Have been enjoying every moment of every day. I am sorrounded only by people that truly love me and respect me so much.
During this time I got the news that X was to marry 
and I felt absolutly nothing. I wished him the best and let him be on his way. The kids where at the wedding. wich I have to say was very rushed, but oh well thats him. I saw pictures and I can't lie it stung a little I cried...for about a minute then I moved right along.
I don't think about him I try to have the least contact as possible. I let the kids handle more things with him now and thats working out for me.
The kids are now 11 and 8 and I enjoy them and our time so much more, we have fun and laugh and play.
I have been dating a bit, giving myself the opportunity to meet alot of new people new places and it is absolutly great. I know my heart is damaged but I am absolutly sure it can and will love again. I can feel the warmth in it again.
Recently I met someone that had made me feel the butterflies,the nervousness the happiness. Its too soon to determine where it is going, but I hope he's in my life for a very very long time.
I can now say I survived this horrible experience and I am truly happy.
I just want everyone know its all about time time time.
Everything does get better.
There is hope.
Thank you so much for all of the support the strength and the love.
Thank you so much SI 
