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brokenandconfuse (original poster member #39381) posted at 9:48 PM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
My H tells me all the time that the only thing holding us back is my unwillingness to try. I try, but I get frustrated. The pain is sooo deep and I don't feel that I will ever truly heal from this, respect him, trust him...I look at him through a completely different perspective now. I am very frustrated with myself that I truly don't have a willingness to try anymore. I go through a scenerio of questions. What is best for me, what is best for our kids, what is best for him...my answer is always...I don't have a clue. Anyone else go through this?
2DS, 2DD
BS-Me 32
WH-Him 43
DDay-All 14 years of our relationship. 3PA's, 3 one night stands, and 6 EA's and still counting as we go. Gained enough strength to face it 11/2012
Getting Divorced
callmecrazy ( member #38765) posted at 9:54 PM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
Yes I do. In your case he's a serial cheater and sounds like a manipulator. You arent the problem. Is he in IC...has he figured out why he constantly cheated/cheats on you. You are probably unwilling to want to do anything bc you know the odds are that he cheats again and you either have to continue to do what you were doing and ignore it, or be firm and final with him.
That is your choice. Some know and stay with 0 change. Others stay as long as the WS is showing a sincere effort. Others know that there is no hope and go. No choice is wrong, but it is your decision. BUT PLEASE REMEMBER...its his fault this is going on, not yours.
Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 11:21 PM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
I think he is confused and the willingness he is looking for is within himself, to stop cheating and treat you as you deserve. The fact that he puts this on YOU instead of HIMSELF really answers the question.
Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 11:37 PM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
(((brokenandconfuse)))
I'm with a serial cheater too and he tried to rush my healing at first, now he sees this is a long haul. Who know's if he'll have it in him.
I, like you, see my WH differently, through different lenses.
The fact that you have not filed for D means you have a willingness to try. At least that's how I see it.
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:38 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
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