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ruinedandbroken (original poster member #29250) posted at 5:15 AM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
Today is my birthday. I had a horrible day at work. And may not be able to work from home anymore when need be which will put me in a bad spot as far as child care. (sometimes I am required to work late at night) My ex is dammed if he does and dammed if he doesn't. In the three years we've been apart he's wished me a happy birthday which pissed me off. This year he didn't which also pissed me off and hurt a little if I'm going to be totally honest. I'm all over the place today. I just wanted to come home to someone today and have them put their arms around me and tell me it's going to be ok. And I don't have that anymore and it sucks. It just fucking sucks.
“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 8&11
Married 14 yrs Together 21
numbandnauseous ( member #34525) posted at 5:24 AM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, r&b!!!
Second, a big hug: (((((((r&b))))))))
Third, I am so sorry for your bad day. Did you have someone to put their arms around you and tell you it's going to be ok when you were M? Because I am still M now and I sure don't. 
Just wanted to let you know that you are heard and I am so sorry.
ETA: And tomorrow will be a better day!!! 
[This message edited by numbandnauseous at 11:25 PM, June 20th (Thursday)]
BS (me) - 50
WH - 58, EA with HS GF x 2, now deceased
M: 15 years, T: 20, divorced
2 teenage children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 5:30 AM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
Happy Birthday friend.
Ride through the dips - lean into the pain when it gets bad. Keep working on detaching.
I've never felt as lonely as I was even with that man's arms around me. His arms were there but his heart and soul were black. Instead of soothing me they sucked me of my pride, self-respect, self-love and self-care.
Wrap your arms around yourself today. I use the imagery of the child inside me on those days. I hold her and tell her its all going to be OK.
The development of healthy self-soothing tools has been one of the surprise gifts out of all of this. I'm still learning but getting better at it as each day passes.
Breathe through it. The dips will get further and further apart and the recovery time will get faster and faster.
Keep working on detaching. Keep working on taking care of yourself.
((ruinedandbroken))
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 5:44 AM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 6:17 AM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
((((HUGS)))))
It will get better. It will.
Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU
caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 6:28 AM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
((((r&b))))
It will be okay.
Happy birthday! It will be ok.
Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012
jackie89 ( member #38271) posted at 1:37 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
Happy Birthday!
Hang in there! It will get better!
tesla ( member #34697) posted at 2:55 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
Happy belated birthday.
((((r&b))))
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
npain ( member #33539) posted at 5:46 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
S, Filed 4/17/14--YAY, ME!!
Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 10:05 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
I hope it will get better soon.
STBX wishes me happy times on those days and it makes me very angry. When father's day came, I had a terrible time because he greatly angered me and so I did not wish him happiness on that day.
He also has the nerve to continuously say "enjoy" whatever is going to happen he may know of. I have little to no joy whatsoever in life-am searching for it-and have asked him not to say that, but he insists.
Last year was my first round of first occasions without him and it was truly horrible. But this year I've already started telling myself that I'm going to work really hard not to let those feelings in, because it's too much about him and not about myself or children...I hope Ruined can get there at some point.
Hearing "happy" anything while he snuck off from OW to write to me messed with my head. Now I have some guilt that I didn't say anything on Father's day, but he had more lack of respect for us that day so only a little.
Mother's day was more of an inner battle, knowing who was going to get a present when I wasn't, but DD remembered me so in my mind I made it about her and me. (I got nothing from my own mother).
I'm sorry for your pain, I have felt it too. I don't know if any of that helps, but I'm in the same place and suspect others on SI are, too.
There are a few people we know of who's jobs are being lost or changed and it's very sad.
Perv has been unemployed for over a year now.
Ashland 13
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
-George Washington
Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 10:06 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
And P.S. yes, very Happy Birthday to you! I hope you'll get some time to indulge in something you really used to like that's just for you, even if it's not spending money.
Ashland 13
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
-George Washington
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 11:57 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
(((r&b)))
I'm sorry you are struggling. I hope you were able to enjoy part of your bday. Sending you hope for better days.
tryingagain74 ( member #33698) posted at 12:04 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013
Happy birthday. Do something nice for yourself-- an awesome birthday cupcake to indulge in comes to mind.
It does suck, but you'll get through it, and there will be future birthdays that are awesome.
(((randb)))
FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
Coraline ( member #36434) posted at 1:24 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013
Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.
stronggirl72 ( member #37293) posted at 2:02 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013
It's going to be okay, r&b...it really is.
Here's to a better upcoming year!
(((r&b)))
"Taking the high road, and doing it with class."
DIVORCED!!
shockandconfused ( new member #39123) posted at 5:22 AM on Monday, June 24th, 2013
Happy Birthday to such a good person! I had my 35th this weekend and it was really tough too, so I totally get it. All I wanted was my husband to be there and hug me and wish me happy birthday and care. Obviously that didn't happen and just feels so crazy. I had some terrible moments this weekend, but some good ones too.
I just know that the next one will be better and so will yours. No matter how sad I am or how much I miss him or number of times I cry, I know in my heart that he was never really there like I deserved or needed anyhow. I'm sure that is true for you too.
Big HUGS!!
Together 11 yrs, married 5, no kids
BS: 35 yrs old
WS: 35 yrs old
OW: 30 yrs old (same name, background, and looks like me)
D-Day: 4/23/13
Status: In the thick of it, he left and trying to grieve the dream and deal with his selfishness and callo
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