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Skan (original poster member #35812) posted at 1:36 AM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2013
That stupid ass that I'm married to missed his mandatory counseling session which is a part of his DUI conviction. He had an appointment at 3pm with a lawyer, not more than 10 minutes away from his 4:20 meeting with the councilor. Instead of staying in the area, he decided to come home, more than 1/2 an hour away, and look at work email, all of which he could have done at a Starbucks near the counseling center. And forgot to set a timer. And, of course, got out late, almost running me down, and took off probably speeding along the way.
He called me, sounding down, and I asked him if he had made his appointment. No, he said, and started to explain. I cut him right off. I told him, "You are the most god-damned selfish asshole that I have ever known," and hung up. I then emailed him the most expletive-filled note that I have ever sent anyone. He is putting his job at risk because of having to go to these classes and because of other matters, he is sinking us financially because of his damned DUI conviction, and he shows absolutely no awareness that all of the common denominator in this entire mess is HIM and his CRAPPY DECISIONS!
I really fucking hate him right now. And when he comes dragging his sorry ass home after his class, which he had better not be late for, I don't know what I'm going to say to him. Because he's loosing my respect rapidly and I am really wondering exactly why I am staying in the same house with him.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
catlover50 ( member #37154) posted at 2:37 AM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2013
Dday -9/23/2012
Reconciled
jjsr ( member #34353) posted at 4:01 AM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2013
He has his head up his ass. I am sorry.
Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA and 10/28/15 NEW dday.
Just surviving.
OnAnIsland ( member #34319) posted at 7:37 AM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2013
So sorry Skan. He has work to do. Even though you can't control his actions, it is awfully tempting to try when he is threatening your combined financial situation. I heard you and am sorry that he is making such sorry choices.
D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 8:42 AM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2013
Oh my gosh, that would absolutely launch me into orbital anger. I'm so sorry.
Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU
Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 1:39 PM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2013
This is inexcusable; he has checked out of reality.
You need to re-read your tagline; if you get dragged down with him, he's not the one to blame.
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
itainteasy ( member #31094) posted at 2:20 PM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2013
Skan,
My fiance got a DUI 5 yrs ago. It was his WAKE UP CALL.
it was his 1st offense, and he was lucky enough to get ARD (basically--if he completed alcohol awareness classes, and 1 yr probation with ZERO drinking and 6 mos license loss the DUI would be wiped clean).......but if he fucked up ANY part of his ARD, he'd have the DUI on his permanent record and possibly face a jail sentence.
He was 30 minutes EARLY to every class/hearing/AA meeting....EVERYTHING, because he KNEW he fucked up and he had to make it right.
One of the things he heard at Alcohol Awareness class was that 70% of the people in his class would re-offend, and the teacher could tell who they would be because they took nothing about ARD seriously. (showed up late to classes, skipped classes, didn't report to probation, etc)
The point of me sharing my story, Skan, is to say that what your husband did is a big red flag to me---he's going to do it again.
He isn't taking this seriously. He hasn't hit his rock bottom.
And you can't fix it, and that is what sucks, because his shitty decisions affect not just him, but his FAMILY.
He doesn't care about himself enough to care about what this is doing to you.
I'm so sorry. (((((Skan)))))
Spideysense ( member #39591) posted at 3:42 PM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2013
Just have to comment...WH just got second DUI in a year's time...two days after dday..the night he came home to "talk" he left me to go see OW and ended up with a DUI that I am now going to help pay for. He has continued to drink and drive since then. Thought he knew better, this would be his wake-up call...it hasn't been, doesnt sound like it has been your H either...so maybe it should be OUR wake-up call.
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