SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

((WB)) Your thread just brings up all the thoughts we all have about what a destructive waste infidelity brings, even to the WS. It's no wonder you're sad - it's such a waste, one that never had to happen.

(((wb)))I'm sorry, it is sad to see such potential wasted. I felt that about my XSO also....

Many times, things that mess us up as children will stay buried deep inside until our 40's or even 50's or so unless we work to dig it out.....growing up in an alcoholic home always leaves some marks. I think of it as the string getting stretched terribly tight when we are children. It is always ready to break, it is just a matter of time. When there isn't a lot of stress added to the string, it will last longer, but it will eventually bust.

She never did the work to reinforce the string (true counseling, truly working thru her issues....look....if she is doing the 12 steps, step 9 says to make amends EXCEPT where it would hurt. Her coming to you, when you are in a happy relationship, to tell you she loves you and wants back together, shows she is STILL not working those steps honestly.....

It is sad, she is a mess. But at this point, she is a mess of her own making, and right now, she really is only feeling sorry for herself....not for the damage she has done to you. She still has a lot of work to do.

Wow. I'm sorry wb, that must have been difficult. You handled it well.

Now I'm still interested in the reconnection to KD when you are ready to share...

After her text bomb and then her surprise show up yesterday I at first felt sorry then I got pissed once I thought about it...

I sent a text back telling her I'm pissed... I'm pissed that she's wasting time...

I told her I'm not a knight in shining armor.. I'm no savior or saint...

As gma said... Buck up cowgirl... This life ain't for sissies...

She can roll over and die or she can be someone... Her choice...

It ain't on me...

Lordy...

Focusing on us, we, me? That's like worrying about the ants when the gators are eating your feet...

I'm pissed...

Carry on...

WB

DO NOT ENGAGE WB!!

Don't give her the opportunity to give you the sob story. She sacked you from that job.she deserves no more of your emotion.

Crickets lest you get sucked back into the vortex.

WB,

You cannot survive with an NPD partner UNLESS you are a CoDe. That is a survival mechanism for anyone in a relationship with NPD.

My therapist has an analogy she uses, That when we give so much of ourselves to one person they will always have a key to our heart. We tend to change the lock on the front door, but they still have the key to back door.

Your XW just used her key to the back door of your heart.

Her coming to you is all on her. You didn't give her an inch into your life... there is no need to. (Don't do it now...-crickets) Your life is good, you are in a good place. She doesn't get to waltz to your front door, say a few words and gain entrance to your heart. If she wants to prove to you she has changed, there are ways to do it without coming to your front door and announcing it. Just saying this outloud may help you realize that while she has had some very bad experiences since you split - What has really changed? What actions has she taken to show YOU she has changed? I know you don't always travel in the same social circles, but there are people who know of both of you. She can find you... if she chose to. Think about it for a bit... you are not making yourself invisible.

You need to feel your way thru the emotions she brought up in you. You've done it before, you know how to do it.

The good news is once you go thru them the first time.. each time after it doesn't take as much to get thru them to regain that feeling of balance again.

Looking forward to hearing more about KD from a balanced WB.

Hugs,

K

((WB))

that would send me over the edge mad. it used to rip me apart when X would do that. then i started getting pissed. how dare he drag me in to his emotional drama years later? He should've sucked it up and dealt with life 5 years ago.

Just a lot of water...

How sad, fustrating, and an excellent example of what bad choices will do to a person.

I told her I'm not a knight in shining armor.. I'm no savior or saint...

Isn't it great when you can finally say this and mean every word ? Your in a good place because you did the work to get there WB !

Focusing on us, we, me? That's like worrying about the ants when the gators are eating your feet...

Ain't that the TRUTH !!

She's only worth a minute of being pissed off and then time to go back to your awesome life.

Gma

With NPD's, the behavior is always about them. THEM.

Respond with crickets. Vent/post on SI if you feel the need (see my "kids are gone for 2 weeks thread". I vent here when I'm frustrated and crickets to ex.)

It is sad, but you are correct, it is her life, she is an adult and therefore makes her own choices.

Hang in there.

(((WB)))

Just never easy to see that. I'm so sorry, and I hope she get's the help she needs.