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brokenandconfuse (original poster member #39381) posted at 4:20 PM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2013
All:
I wanted to post this. This craziness is truly "Fing" up my head. My H calls, texts, shows up at my house, follows me around at kids sports events. He says I love you and I miss you and I could never do that again now that I am sober. He wants to do projects for me and swears that if I give him a chance he will treat me like a Queen and cherish me forever. On the flip side, he hasn't sent me an ammends letter, or read the books the MC told him to, he contacted the lady at treatment that he had an EA with " to find out what kind of relationship she thought that they had", he has slipped one night and got drunk, and has been talking to his old drinking buddy(s) who one is a known drug dealer. I told him -NO DRUG DEALERS around my kids!, and what part of NC WITH THE WOMEN didn't you get!!
What I really don't understand is the I love you, I miss you, blah blah blah. He is nice around me and treats me better than he ever has and seems to be obsessed with me, yet on the flip side...
My brain is crazy!!!
2DS, 2DD
BS-Me 32
WH-Him 43
DDay-All 14 years of our relationship. 3PA's, 3 one night stands, and 6 EA's and still counting as we go. Gained enough strength to face it 11/2012
Getting Divorced
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 4:25 PM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2013
Its called hoovering and almost all of them do it.
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=480828
Ignore his pretty words, they are just that - pretty words. Watch.His.Actions.
He is showing you who he is - believe him.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
Pippy ( member #16482) posted at 5:57 PM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2013
3PA's, 3 one night stands, and 6 EA's and still counting
Sorry it's 3 strikes you're out, not 12. You really have to start valuing yourself and know you deserve better. He's proven he can't be trusted 12 times!
I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
Take2 ( member #23890) posted at 12:53 AM on Thursday, June 27th, 2013
Last week - I got this text: "I love you. I miss you. I'm sorry I screwed things up. Wish you would forgive me."
My Dday was 4.5 years ago and we Separated that day. Heard all the same things from WS while he continued to violate the conditions for R, and secretly pursue other women (to secure a fall back position I assume). Then he filed for D. We were D'd 14 months ago.
So what do those pretty words mean - short of long term consistent actions to back them up? Absolutely nothing!! There are definitions of love that aren't compatible... For some love is merely a selfish comfort.
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?
Bluebird26 ( member #36445) posted at 1:56 AM on Thursday, June 27th, 2013
Actions speak louder then words. I am sorry you are dealing with this.
Me: BW
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
Life's good.
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 2:04 AM on Thursday, June 27th, 2013
The guy has serious boundary issues.
Tell him that he isn't allowed to just *show up* at your house without your permission.
Send him an email and tell him that he is not to interact with you at the kids sports events unless the contact is initiated by you.
He is trying to wear you down so that you'll just give up and give in. Picture a child that has been told *no*....and keeps askingandaskingandaskingandasking because they're hoping that you'll give them what they want.....yea, this is the same thing. And it is completely and totally exhausting mentally.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Got2GO ( member #26576) posted at 4:49 AM on Thursday, June 27th, 2013
My ex says the same thing "I love and miss you". I know that this is a lie. What he "loved" and "miss" was the good thing he had.
Don't believe a word he says. Keep stepping and looking forward.
BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!
momentintime ( member #16394) posted at 7:43 AM on Thursday, June 27th, 2013
He tells you that, and once you soften your attitude towards him and he knows he got to you, it will be back to his old behaviors. He won't change, part of it is the challenge to see if he can get you back, so he knows he still has "it". All about him. I am glad you are seeing it for what it is.
BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd
"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl
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