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XWH#1 and I were separated and this was the last conversation we had about potential R.

ME: What do you REALLY want from me?

XWH#1: I want you to be like my mother.

Ok...CREEPY!

I got up, left the restaurant and filed the next day.

XH and I had just finished seeing a movie and I needed to go to the bathroom before we went home. I looked directly at him and told him I was going to the bathroom. When I get done and found him he was pissed because I didn't tell him where I was going. When I told him that I looked right at him and told him I was going to the bathroom he said I should have "confirmed" that he heard me.

When I started going to IC XH told me he didn't want me going because I would only tell my side of the story. But whenever I suggested we go together he said he didn't need any help.

XH use to snore really bad but would get pissed if I woke him up to make him stop. One night when he was snoring I got up and went into the spare bedroom. He woke up a bit later and was pissed because he didn't know where I was and didn't like that I wasn't in bed. When I told him I was in there because he was snoring he said I should have woken him up.

A week after we separated he asks how long it would take to work things out so I could come home. I told him I didn't know, that it could be a month, two months or six months and that it depended on how things went. He told me that he didn't know if he could be faithful if it was going to take that long.

We met at our bank to have the divorce paper notarized and as we were leaving he told me "just be careful, there are worse guys out there than me".

I could go on and on...

NatureGirl, we had almost exactly the same exchange. XH refused to continue to go for the same reason and because the counselor and I 'did gang up on him'.

It's like dealing with toddlers in adult bodies. Some of these responses amaze me. These would make great SNL skits!

My XH isn't a PA NPD but he is NPD.

When he found out about me filing for divorce, he told me that he thought we would just be seperated for 2-3 years like his parents. He had walked out after hitting me.

During a MC session the counselor told him he needed to get therapy for the SA and therapy for anger management because he had a history of hitting me. She wouldn't see us without him doing those things. She also wanted to see us for IC. He told her he didn't have any issues, it was all me. (She seen some of it in MC)

I was such a dumbass, we had driven there together. He went balistic on the way home. He was driving crazy. I thought at one point he was going to kill us. I got him to pull the car over. He had a little fight with the seatbelt. I drove the rest of the way home. I dropped him off where he was staying. He gets out of the car, still having a hissy fit. He hit the car! He doesn't have any issues though.

I called the MC and let her know what happened. I also cancelled the next session and told her I was going through with the divorce.

Until the A and I started reading up and learning, I never realized my XWH was an NPD. Until reading this thread, I never realized he was PA! Now I think maybe so. Some examples:

ME: Please don't pay anything out of the checking account right now. That $$ is all committed to auto pay bills coming out soon.

HIM: Whatever, you don't have to make me feel like an asshole about it. I have bills I need to pay too!

ME: Well, I noticed you haven't put anything into the joint account in several months... ?? If you have something to deposit you can make payments now, but I don't get paid again until next month.

HIM (shouting): Oh my GOD! I spend every dime on things for this family! Do I have to provide you with receipts? Would that satisfy you?!

ME: I never said you don't spend it on us. I don't know where the money goes, I only know where it is not.

HIM (grabbing and shaking a little craft basket nearby): Are you even listening to me? Are you even in the same room with me?! You act like if there's money in this basket and money on the floor beside it, its not all in the same room!!!

ME: I don't know anything about the "basket" money. (he later opened his own account with a deposit of $12,000.- exactly 6 mos worth of him withholding his paychecks and leaving me to support him and his son with my income alone.)

Or this....

HIM (on a nice Saturday morning): I'm going to be gone all day hiking the waterfalls.

ME: Oh cool. Are you taking DS? (who had been pleading for time with his father)

HIM (looking disgusted): NO! I'm going with the guys I was out with last night. (rolling his eyes now) WHAT?! Why are you looking sad?

ME: Because I am sad. Once again its obvious you aren't going to spend any time with DS or me this weekend. I just don't understand.

HIM (violently flinging things into his daypack): I am NOT going to let you do this!!!

ME: Do what??

HIM: Ruin my day.

He storms out, is gone until 10pm or so. Later I find out he was never out with the guys, or out hiking. It was all time spent with the OW, of course.

Lots of other similar scenarios took place. What do you guys think? Is this PA?

No, gypsybird, not P/A; asshole comes to mind, but possibly cover aggressive. It's scary--google and read about it.

Yikes! You all had it even worse that I did. But I'll still play.

Second False R (April 2012) .... after he had told me, with flowing tears and snot bubbles, that he had ended it with TroutFace, and that he was so sorry and that he had been missing me every day and would DO ANYTHING for a chance for us ...... and then I busted him spending the night with her. I texted him the following morning something like "Well, now I guess I know the truth."

He replied to me, still trying to play both sides of the fence, with ..... you guessed it .... a dick pic. And some "this is for you" nonsense. (He'd exlucded his face but the juvenile drunk-and-age-17 red devil tattto on his groin was unmistakeable.)

I said "Oh that's nice. Maybe I'll forward it to Troutface at troutface@hotmail.com"

He replied "Ha ha that would be funny."

Don't goad a betrayed woman, Pigfucker.

So I did. With the title "This is what your 'boyfriend' sent to me after he was done with you this morning."

I arrived at work to a one word e-mail from him: "Why?"

Followed by a text: "You ruined our chances to be together again."

Sure. Okay, buddy. My bad. Whatever.

And then this randomness two days ago: "Do you think we could travel together again someday? We were really good at that."

He got crickets.

It really is insanity.

O.k. Mine isn't with my husband but with a friend that seems to be NPD. We had a discussion several months ago where I told her I didn't want to associate with her while she was having an affair. She said she was stopping and going to therapy. Then left me an angry VM and we met to talk about it.

Her: I feel judged by you.

Me: I am not going to be exposed to your affair and neither are my children. That is a boundary.

Her: I am not sleeping with him anymore.

Me: Really, someone told me they saw you two together 3 weeks ago behaving inappropriately.

Her: I have never been inappropriate in public. Besides, I have now hired him to work for me as my daughter's Nanny. We aren't sleeping together anymore.

Me: What?

Her: Oh, you can call my husband. Here's the phone. Nothing is going on.

Me: I don't believe you. You stated on the VM that "he makes you happy!"

Her: Well, he does make me happy. That is why I hired him to help with my daughter. My husband and I have come to an agreement.

Me: So, you have come to an agreement or nothing is going on?

Her: Oh, nothing is going on.

Really, just crazy. Who hires their male AP to look after their little girl? Needless to say, I am no longer interested in being friends. I had been distancing myself, hence I got the angry VM leading to this talk.

Thanks, Sad. I looked up covert aggressive and that does sound more right. XWH was manipulative but never shy about expressing anger with me. One time I questioned purchasing a coat he had selected for DS. It was a very nice coat, but expensive, and I didn't think leather was the best choice for a 17yo boy walking home from school in Oregon. (rain, rain RAIN!). XWH had a hissy fit, right there in the JC Penneys. Flung the coat down, threw down the other items he'd chosen and started complaining how I NEVER support his choices, NEVER want to spend money on the kids, blah blah blah. I was so shocked and embarrassed.

And yeah, DS got the $80 leather coat... and yeah, XWH got his shirt and tie and other crap, and I yeah, I paid for all of it and bought nothing for myself.

Sometimes I look back and think, who WAS that dumb chick putting up with all that guy's crap??

I don't really think my STBX is PA. He's just aggressive in a "whatever the hell will make her feel like crap and/or do what I want" kind of way. I also don't know if he's exactly NPD, but he's certainly not entirely normal, because normal people don't act like this, and he and OW, the social worker, can pontificate all damn day about how normal they are and I'm not, but I have one word for that bullshit, and it's the only word anyone is going to care about: ACTIONS.

So, not sure if I exactly meet the criteria for this thread, but I have dealt with my fair share of ridiculousness, so I'll play.

This first one was actually OW, not STBX, since he didn't respond to this. Recorded convo btwn OW and STBX, apparently discussing my posts here on SI, since I don't know what else they could be talking about:

OW: But she's still stalking you. She's still talking about this girl as of today. She is crazy.

Erm, so as they were reading my posts every day, she was accusing me of a stalking him because I looked at the fb page of *someone else* based on a friend telling me I should check out how much her kid looked like mine? Because I sort of think covertly following me online qualifies more as "stalking", but hey, accuse me of what you're actually doing. People can't help it if they have no self-awareness, I guess.

And back in October, this happened after I came home from a little birthday thing my neighbors had for me:

STBX (angry that he wasn't invited?): You have no shame, Coraline, no shame. Blah, blah, blah, Coraline sucks. You must think I'm the lowest of the low. Blah, blah, blah, Coraline is the worst person ever. You're the lowest of the low, Coraline, the lowest of the low.

Uh, yes, approximately 98 seconds after accusing me of thinking that about him, acting as if it were shocking that I would think such a thing, before I was even finished thinking, "Actually, you're accusing me of what you're thinking about me," he then verified that yes, that was actually just what he thought about me. I couldn't even make that shit up if I tried. It wouldn't occur to me because my mind doesn't go those places. However, if I ever decide to write a book, I now have the inner workings of his mind down pretty well, and I could definitely work him in. Wouldn't it be sweet if I could turn this into a profitable endeavor? lol

[This message edited by Coraline at 8:13 PM, June 28th (Friday)]

Hey friends..I am so happy I started this thread last night and thanks soooo much to every one of you who shared...I NEVER thought I'd be able to say this but being 2 years out has mellowed me and I really believe laughter is a huge part of the healing process...

I would like to ask the moderators of this site if they would consider putting the "comedy" thing on it's own forum.. We could just do the play by play, NO emotion , few details.. just the "hey can u top this?" stuff hahaha.. cuz this got a lot of responses and LAUGHTER truly is the best medicine.

That being said here's one last nugget I should have posted last night but forgot:

Background: this is fall 2011...divorce filed but EX still lives at home with me & younger son, oldest son off at college..he is still f*ing MOW at every opportunity

Me: I really hope you will continue to support your kids financially...yeah PA state law says they are legal adults but they can't support themselves til they graduate

him: well of course I will support them. ...How can you even ASK me that? YOU ARE QUESTIONING MY CORE VALUES

me: You have been having a sexual/emotional relationship with another women for at least a year that I can prove. DID U JUST ASK ME HOW I CAN QUESTION YOUR CORE VALUES? think about it.................

him: I just can't believe you don't trust me on my core values

HAHAHAHAHAHA Really????

Laugh on my friends....and let's continue to share the truly comical parts of all this hell that none of us ever asked for but we found ourselves right straight in the middle of:):)

PS I was deadnuts right on....it's been TWO years...he has given our sons MAYBE (being generous here) a total of $100 each...very randomly...

What goes around comes around right? I hope when HE needs help they remember how much he was there for them...one of them is on his path to be a doctor, the other is an Engineering student

oh screw that - they are their mother's kids...they will do the right thing ALWAYS.........including supporting the sperm donor if he needs it...when will the KARMA BUS be stopping by????

Hey friends..I am so happy I started this thread last night and thanks soooo much to every one of you who shared...I NEVER thought I'd be able to say this but being 2 years out has mellowed me and I really believe laughter is a huge part of the healing process...

I would like to ask the moderators of this site if they would consider putting the "comedy" thing on it's own forum.. We could just do the play by play, NO emotion , few details.. just the "hey can u top this?" stuff hahaha.. cuz this got a lot of responses and LAUGHTER truly is the best medicine.

That being said here's one last nugget I should have posted last night but forgot:

Background: this is fall 2011...divorce filed but EX still lives at home with me & younger son, oldest son off at college..he is still f*ing MOW at every opportunity....right down the street from our marital home

Me: I really hope you will continue to support your kids financially...yeah PA state law says they are legal adults but they can't support themselves til they graduate college

him: well of course I will support them. ...How can you even ASK me that? YOU ARE QUESTIONING MY CORE VALUES

me: You have been having a sexual/emotional relationship with another women for at least a year that I can prove. DID U JUST ASK ME HOW I CAN QUESTION YOUR CORE VALUES? think about it.................

him: I just can't believe you don't trust me on my core values

HAHAHAHAHAHA Really????

Laugh on my friends....and let's continue to share the truly comical parts of all this hell that none of us ever asked for but we found ourselves right straight in the middle of:):)

PS I was deadnuts right on....it's been TWO years...he has given our sons MAYBE (being generous here) a total of $100 each...very randomly...

What goes around comes around right? I hope when HE needs help they remember how much he was there for them...one of them is on his path to be a doctor, the other is an Engineering student

oh screw that - they are their mother's kids...they will do the right thing ALWAYS.........including supporting the sperm donor if he needs it...when will the KARMA BUS be stopping by????

wrong thread

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 10:55 AM, June 29th (Saturday)]

Just remembered this rare gem..Approx one month after kicking out my oh so remorseful husband, I had what I *thought* was going to be a talk about what was going on that would lead to something positive. Oh how naive of me.

Him: You just wanted me to stop being with her so I can be single like you!

Me: Whaaaaaaa....

Him: No, no, no, no, no listen to yourself. Do you hear how selfish that is? You just want to me to be single like you.

(This fool really thought he had just made a good point!)

Me: What in the hell?!?...you are not a single man! You are MARRIED! I am MARRIED! I want you to stop cheating on me!! I'm your wife!!!

Him: (insert my name), this isn't going anywhere. You keep bringing up the past. You can't get over the past and that's why we are here."

One of his DUMBEST statements to date.

Every time he says something dumb and I respond with a little dose of logic/reality he IMMEDIATELY shifts the conversation to how everything is "the past". Every. Single. Time. That man's brain in permanently stuck on stupid.

XH was all worked up, screaming, acting like a child & not getting the desired response, says 'you have no integrity'.

I don't respond, he repeats it.

V: 'you mean like your mistress?'

XH: 'yes, she has integrity. unlike you'

XH use to snore really bad but would get pissed if I woke him up to make him stop. One night when he was snoring I got up and went into the spare bedroom. He woke up a bit later and was pissed because he didn't know where I was and didn't like that I

wasn't in bed.

When I told him I was in there because he was snoring he said I should have woken him up.

That made me laugh too...WOW - can't even count the number of times this happened during our marriage...only I didn't HAVE a spare bedroom...so he would finally move to a downstairs couch screaming at me about what a BIT** I was the entire time....

AHHHHHH... thanks for sharing - I am going to bed with a giant smile on my face right now, and thanking GOD that I no longer have to put up with that crap and Never will again!!! ThankyaLord:)

One more "share": this is more about the Narcissist side than the P/A side but mind blowing nonetheless.

OK , about 2 months after Dday I am with our youngest son looking at colleges...DS tells me that about a conversation he had with his father:

EX: I am so sorry about the timing of this...I didn't want to hurt you. I was going to wait until next year when we dropped YOU off at college...and THEN tell your mother I wanted a divorce

DS: Really Dad? You were gonna string her along for another year and drop that bomb on her after her youngest left?

Ex: well sure, I wanted to do that for YOU...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! LMAO...here's dumbass thinking he's scoring points with the kid, when all my son could think (and this is what he told me and I WISH he would have told his dad but my kids are not honest with him, they've seen the fallout")

OMG!!! What kind of a monster would DO THAT???

Meaning, continue to screw around behind his wife's back, pretend to be "working on the marriage" and then tell her after the nest is empty - "hey, your replacement is all lined up and I am OUTTA HERE...".

hahaha - me and DS still laugh about that one sometimes...THANK GOD my kids know right from wrong...

Good night SI'ers...keep fighting the good fight...better things are in store:)

I've got another one...

6 months after Dday and S. WH (now X) needed relatively minor surgery. He'd never been put under, and I agreed to take him... (cause... I'm an idiot, I guess.)

Anyway, after surgery I drive him home. He tries to put his arm around me, and I move away. He gets pissed - tells me he doesn't need my help: "You call me selfish but you are the selfish one! You only came with me so you could feel good about yourself - doing the right thing!!"

My XWH is massively PA. He would frequently "set me up". The last notable time was on our way to an appointment in a tight time frame. On the way, we got caught in a hailstorm and had to pull off under trees to protect the vehicle.

After several minutes it subsided, but WH just sat there silently at the wheel. Minutes passed. I waited, knowing it was dangerous to say anything. Finally I said," gee it's hardly hailing at all now" ( hint hint)

No response. Whatsoever.

Another 10 min goes by in dead silence, WH staring straight ahead. Now we are VERY late. I try " well honey, it's only raining now and the accountant has to leave in ten minutes. maybe we could go?"

He jammed the SUV into gear and went careening down the rainflooded road driving like a maniac - I seriously thought we were going to

flip the vehicle.

Me: WHAT are you doing??!!

Him- yelling: I'm going to the accountants because YOU said to! Ars you happy now??! You have to control everything! I couldn't possibly make a decision- it always has to be you that knows best! You won't even let me choose my own socks!!

( two months prior I had giggled briefly in spite of myself when he came out wearing white socks folded down over black ones -in his sandals. (who does that? ) I never said he couldn't wear them. And he did. )

Typical. Don't do anything and then be mad when I do. Story of my life.

[This message edited by trebleclef at 12:59 AM, June 30th (Sunday)]

I've been having a hard time labeling my POS, and frankly I'm tired of trying to figure it out. For now, I'm going with NPD, physically and emotionally abusive, sexually inappropriate, manipulating, alienating, lower muppet, devil from hell with MAJOR family of origin issues who forces the kids to keep secrets..

But since I've had almost the exact same conversations as some of the ones I've read here, I'll play.

Just after finding out I was in false R as he took the A underground using the chat feature on a word game on his phone:

STBX: You stupid bitch. I was trying to make it work with you. This is never going to work since you don't trust me.

Me: Crickets.

STBX: I'm sorry Butterfly!! I was just confused!! I love you and want to make this work. I just didn't want to lose both of you!

Me: Crickets, followed by filing for divorce.