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Just Found Out :
rugsweeping?

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 circleoflife (original poster new member #39702) posted at 12:00 AM on Saturday, June 29th, 2013

What do you consider rug sweeping?

I don't know if what is going on with me right now is being considered rug sweeping? My brain is fried, my heart aches, my stomach is turning, and not much sleep. I am in a daze, sometimes.

What are your experiences/thoughts on what would be rug sweeping?

Thanks

Me BW (36)
WH (39)
together 16 years
2 kids: 6 DD & 10 month DS
Dday:4/18/13
TT: 4/26/13
TT: 5/6/13
more TT: 6/13/13
more TT: 7/9/13

posts: 40   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2013
id 6391206
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doesitgetbetter ( member #18429) posted at 12:07 AM on Saturday, June 29th, 2013

Rug sweeping is a general letting go. You don't talk about the details, you don't talk about your feelings, you don't talk about anything but the kids and weather basically. Sort of the "our life is fine as long as I don't bring up finances, infidelity, or how little I trust him". THAT is totally rug sweeping.

Taking a break for a short period of time because you need a breather, totally fine. The problem comes when the "break" becomes the "norm".

DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - WS
Us - working on R - again
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
D-day 2 July 4, 2015, turns out he is a SAWH, status, working harder than before
May 22, 2019 -slip/relapse. He forgot he has to work forever

posts: 4527   ·   registered: Feb. 29th, 2008
id 6391215
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doggiediva ( member #33806) posted at 3:13 PM on Saturday, June 29th, 2013

To me rug sweeping is when you are continually being asked to stuff down all of your bad feelings if/when you are in the same room as your WH, put a mask on, and treat him like nothing happened to you or the M...

A case of denial at its worst....

It is rug sweeping when you have to worry about what to bring up and what not to bring up when the two of you talk..

I don't bring up any more A related questions because I have no interest in fixing the marriage..

As a result of WH's lack of remorse and lack of desire to work on himself to figure out why he lies and cheats ( a form of rug sweeping ), WH doesn't get to enjoy the benefits of being married to me..

I am doing a 180 in the sense that I don't do anything for WH...No sex, no physical affection... I don't do his laundry or give him gifts..

I don't make new purchases for the house (furniture, art, etc), because I have no plan for staying...

I carry on with my own schedule separate from WH's and I avoid WH if at all possible..

All of the above is the result of WH's lack of respect for me and my pain/devastation in the aftermath of his A..

[This message edited by doggiediva at 9:30 AM, June 29th (Saturday)]

Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

63 years young..

posts: 4078   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2011   ·   location: Texas
id 6391687
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Pippy ( member #16482) posted at 10:29 PM on Saturday, June 29th, 2013

rug sweeping - when the WS doesn't want to discuss what they did, saying it doesn't do any good to discuss it.

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.


posts: 9588   ·   registered: Oct. 4th, 2007   ·   location: East of the Rockies
id 6392008
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