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Today was a good day and bad it was a family at the lake so we stopped at the dollar tree if u don't know AP works there which I always try to avoid if she is working it just makes me sick anyway we were getting sum snacks we are going threw sum finaical problems so we had do be cheap any how today she was there buy I kinda had to go in H stayed in the car me and my 2 DD's went in thinking we will avoid her we went in she wasn't at a register so it was all good then they called her to the register ......great and the other register closed so my youngest DD couldn't go threw the line she couldn't handle it she went to the truck she is 14 my oldest 17 has a different attitude about AP it's kinda a screw u attitude so I go threw I know she knows who Iam but she starts making idle chatter about the lake and people bringing their dogs and about the heat I just nod and don't say much my question is why does she do that just sit and chit chat when she threated to kick my ass during the period he lived with her I don't understand and when I get to the truck Iam laughing with my dd trying to play off how bad I want to cry he says sorry we have to deal with that kinda of situation I just say its ok , what else was I supposed to say ?i don't want to renew the day then the rest of the day .I just see her face and the mind movies start them kissing them having sex him taking her shooting and to the movies most of all them snuggling at nite and telling her iloveyou ..... I am just heart broken my special stuff that was mine is just generic because he shared it with her I think I will never feel like I was the one and only how can I after all the affairs and exspecially her I want to be special again not just cuz I can forgive him and take him back after all he did to me but because Iam am his one and only but I will never have it back and tonight that's hurts now I have to make love tonight to my husband and put on my happy face while I try and block out the images of him making love to her

First, why on earth would you ever go to that store when she works there? Why why why??? There is no way on earth I'd put myself through that hell. Financial problems or not, there are other ways of getting less expensive snacks at other stores.

Second, why would you tell him "It's ok" when clearly it isn't? Don't rug sweep your pain! It isn't ok, so don't tell him it is. Tell him it hurts and why. He should help you through the pain, not avoid it.

Third, you should never HAVE to have sex with your husband and put on a happy face. EVER. Have sex if you WANT to, not because you feel obligated to. You will only end up more hurt and have more resentment towards him, especially if the whole time you're having mind movies of them. He should be respectful of that and again...help you THROUGH the pain.

I agree with Samantha, I think you might need to avoid going to the store all together. You also shouldn't feel obligated to sleep with him. My IC says it is not your job to please him but to heal yourself. I'm sorry you're in pain. I know what you feel when it comes to special memories. Have you told your husband about this?

I know I should go to that store normally if I I avoid her at all costs but this one time it I needed to my town is small and are local store is a Safeway but I do know I shouldn't go and believe me I try not to and the sex thing well it had been planned to happen and I know I shouldn't if I am having a bad day but I guess I try to keep him from seeing how much all the affairs has hurt me I just want my life to be normal not dig it up stir up my emotions I don't want to cry anymore and have the unhappiness in my house so I keep my hurt to my self not for my kids or my H to see I know some of my ways of dealing with things are wrong I do know I have always been this way I don't think I know how to be the way I know I should I guess some days the pain seems so far away other days its like its just happened as far as the dollar store incident I guess that day I thought I was ok and not going to let her keep me from places I should be able to go to I guess I wasn't ready for that kinda of contact with her