SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

As some may know, I moved back to my home state a month ago. All aspects of the move have been great ... I have a full time and part time job(s) already, financially feeling secure, D hearing on the 16th, I'm all unpacked and settled in to my new place.

I live in a four plex with one unit just recently becoming unoccupied, a close family female friend lives above me and an older man in his early to mid sixties lives next door with his young adult son. The way the building is situated all four units share the back and front yards. I am frequently out in the backyard as I smoke but not in my apartment. The guy next door takes care of the lawn and we have chatted very small talk when we have both been outside ... I just went to go out back and he has cut roses off a bush and put them in water on my lawn chair!!

I don't know if I am triggering, having a panic attack but I surely feel the walls closing in around me and I feel extremely uncomfortable and don't know how to handle the situation ... I haven't left my apartment since I noticed the flowers through the back door window and I know he is outside watering etcing the lawn ...

I just dont know how to handle this I have no interest in him or anything like this at all ... I am not age prejudice but I'm only 47, just left a 27 year relationship (25 married) a month ago ... I just don't know what to do and need advice ASAP!

My advice? You know you're not ready for his advances, so shut him down.

"Oh, what beautiful roses. I'm going to bring them upstairs for Female Family Friend, she loves roses!"

Just curious - the father or the son, left you roses...?

I understand what you are saying I think. For the first few years I thought that if a man hit on me - I'd punch him! (All that unspent anger you know). Second thing in play may be that you really need a cigarette right now...?

I might try something light-hearted to the affect of:

Well, thank you, they are very pretty. This and 3 more years of therapy and maybe I'll consider dating again someday...

That way if he gets the courage up to ask you out - you can say: No seriously, I have no desire to date whatsoever!

I've got a feeling you are going to get lots of suggestions on this one - weed through and see which you feel you can pull off

Yeah...a little odd...but it may be innocent too.

You can ignore them and see if he says something. Or, like the other suggestions....just put out there that you have no interest in dating.

It took me a little while to open up and begin to trust men. Not all guys are creeps or jerks. I can just now begin to accept a compliment without wondering what the man wants from me. Just takes time.

I am pretty sure it was/is the father ... And yes, I need a cigarette and may resort to smoking in my apartment after all this ...

I took it as an innocent welcome to the neighborhood gesture. Im a gardener and that sounds like something I would do. It shows that hey, the rose bushes are yours to enjoy too

I would hold back from over analyzing. I understand the trigger but try to take a step back and realize that in the end it is just a nice gesture. You thank him and move on. ( I like Ama and Take2's suggestions.)

Don't get 'weirded out' until you know for sure it's an overture. It may just be friendliness. And please don't become a prisoner in your own home.

Roses need to be cut in order to get more blooms. If he is taking care of the gardens and there are roses, he probably would have thrown them away in the past. Since he sees you sitting outside he decided you might like them.

I wouldn't worry to much about this one incident. If something else happens... then I might start to worry. In the mean time, you can take the other suggestions and shut him down with a sentence or 3.

Please do not become a prisoner in your home.

Thank you everyone for your insight ... Yes I did over react and all appears to be innocent as he also left flowers at my upstairs friends door also ... When she and I were talking she did warn me to be careful with him though because the last person who moved out said he kept making passes at her.

All of it just took me off guard and I guess I just didn't realize what a wreck I still am. I have been feeling so good and confident since moving that I didn't think I could trigger or have a panic attack since STBXWH is far away now. Boy was I wrong ... Naive to my own emotional state.

I have been thinking about all this for most of the night and snippets of comments from STBXWH have crossed my mind, D-day Anniversary is on Thursday, and I really thought I was doing so much better. I just have to view all this as a learning lesson and toughen up a bit more ...

This is the first time I have ever lived on my own: I went from being a single mom at 18 living with my parents to moving in with STBXWH, getting married, having two more kids, catering to the marriage and three kids to almost being an empty nester when the A happened ... It took me two half years to say R wasn't right for me and recognizing the emotional abuse that I had been tolerating amongst all the lies of the past twenty seven years of being with STBXWH ... And then to the flower situation my gut screamed and sent me into a panic as I have no intentions of being with anyone for a very long time let alone basic dating.

I want to eventually but it is way too soon for me and I need to tough up and get my "radar" back into alignment way before that ever happens.

But thank you all once again for being there for me and giving me the gumption just to merely go outside ...