SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I paid almost $4000 for our platinum wedding bands from Blue Nile. If I had found out sooner, I could have returned them within 30 days and got my money back. Oh well. I recouped 25% of what I paid. I guess it is finally over.

I asked STBXH for his attorney's info yesterday and he has yet to pass it on. I am starting to think his passive aggressive ass does not have an attorney and he is bluffing, so now things will be even more difficult trying to get this divorce.

Again, he would rather fight me tooth and nail rather than be remorseful and seeking a counselor. I guess it is easier to dig a more expensive hole.

I just don't understand their reasoning.

Mineis saying we should just get alegal separation because he is "worried" I will be in such financial straits because they would tax the spousal support.

He also wants me to buy a new car to give our son my truck.

It's the weird little things that are getting to me.

I have to get to a lawyer, I have just been so consumed with other happenings, I have yet to go.

Plus, I am a bit afraid of him now, he is not handling this divorce thing well.

Good for you for selling your rings. I had mine dipped and am wondering if they could get that off and I could gat money for the gold. The diamonds not so big , but I dont' care if they just give me 50 bucks for it. I want it gone.

Sounds like he is holding on to you. He probably doesn't want to get the divorce but also doesn't have the ability to put his pride aside, say so, and do what you need to reconcile. I wish I were getting a new car.

My STBXH finally responded to my question about his lawyer with "If you really have a lawyer, he should be able to find out my lawyer's info".

Really, making it this difficult to get our attorneys to talk to another another. Me thinks now he either was bluffing or doesn't have the money to retain one.

You have to sit yourself down and realize that D is your final option in this whole mess. And when you look at things, financial concerns are the last vestige of control the WS can use against you. D or the threat of it can not be used as a way of snapping the WS out if their fog. It is your final option at making YOUR life better. It does not matter how you find yourself in a D. What matters right now is that your financial future is secure. As well as any children that exist due to the relationship. I see so many women here who allow their WS to manipulate them financially. So many men who simply walk away without a concern in the world about their children. It angers me greatly that these deadbeats get away with this shit. And I also see men like myself who finally stand up to their WW only to get screwed in a D themselves. What it comes down to is this. D is a legal matter. It must be treated as such. If some drunk driver got in his car and ran you over you bet your ass you would want legal action taken against them. Yet it perplexes me that so many people think they can simply sit down with an unremorseful WS and hammer out a fair settlement. I'm sure that happens in rare cases. But overall D is a hostile act. Its a fight to the end and I always advise folks here that D is war. Take no prisoners and show no quarter. I know its an extreme stance to take. But just like you were blindsided by the A and the subsequent behaviors of your WS. Don't put anything past a WS when you decide to D. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. D is not some punishment inflicted on your spouse. Its a means to an end. I learned that the hard way.

When I decided to D I went in with that attitude that my XWW was not getting anything more from me then she had already taken. Aside from CS she would get shit. I felt that she had already spent enough of my hard earned money on her affairs. But truth be told that was an illusion on my part. D in not a place to extract your pound of flesh. The law is the law. Make no mistake about it, D is just what it means. It ends the M on a legal and final level. There is no room for any other intention. My thinking actually delayed the process by many months. My attorney tried to advise me as to how the law worked. But I was angry and ran with it. In the end I gave up on my blood thirst and decided to work within the law. I made a good settlement offer that both parties agreed to. It hurt financially at first. But it was best for all involved to follow what the law stated. Get your head wrapped around the fact that the M is over. D is just the finality of it all. If you have issues or feelings that are unresolved see a therapist. Work on yourself and let the experts worry about the legal process. Hire an attorney and secure your rights and responsibilities under the law. Good luck.

How did you feel when you sold them?

I did the same with mine, sold them 3 months into the separation after I found out about the pregnant Twinkie.

I too only got about 25% of what they were worth but that point, they weren't worth anything to me anymore.

If you can, go buy yourself something fabulous with the money :)

I am seeing a therapist and my STBXH is paying a lot of money in child support. That is what sparked this whole matter because he is pissed about how much money is being garnished from his pay.

I guess I am just reflecting on how stubborn he is. Whether it is his ego or pride, rather than admit he is wrong and work with me, he rather fight against me. Unfortunately for him, he will lose... I know, I know, why am I thinking about him. Focus on me. Yes, I know. Regardless of what happened, I still do care about him and I am literally witnessing the man I loved tear himself apart because his ego is too strong. It is sad.

How did I feel when I sold the rings? A bit of finality. It was a beautiful set. I haven't worn them in over 6 months so it was just something else from the marriage to get rid of. And yes, I bought myself something great indeed, my attorney's retainer.

I am only 28 but I hope I find faith in love and marriage again. Because all of this scares me into thinking I may be alone for the rest of my life.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 12:26 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]