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soveryweary (original poster member #32265) posted at 5:43 PM on Monday, July 8th, 2013
Today we both meet with the lawyer.
We are going to try a one lawyer divorce.
He's ready to take over all the debt, pay me spousal maintenance and his 401k.
We'll see what happens.
I ave lost 8 lbs. in ten days.
My head won't stop pounding.
My mom is so worried about me, but I am determined to go it alone.
I wish it was next year at this time.
How did I let it get this far?
Divorced 1/3/14 after 31 years of marriage.
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 5:59 PM on Monday, July 8th, 2013
Did you hire this lawyer or did your WS? If you did, great. If he did, I'd get my own representation. My understanding (I only know this about Texas)is that an attorney can't represent both of you in a divorce. That essentially, whoever hired them is the one they actually represent. So, even though it seems like they are looking out for both of you they are actually only looking out for their client.
ETA...you will get through this. I know it's exhausting and frustrating, but you will. (((hugs)))
[This message edited by lieshurt at 12:07 PM, July 8th (Monday)]
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
soveryweary (original poster member #32265) posted at 6:08 PM on Monday, July 8th, 2013
Hi lies.
I will be hiring him.
Geez, you'd think the way I feel and am handling this I was the first and only person to go through this!!!
Divorced 1/3/14 after 31 years of marriage.
Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 7:00 PM on Monday, July 8th, 2013
We had a one-attorney D. The attorney called it a mediated D but it really wasn't and the X was too stupid to realize it. We worked out the details between the two of us, but the atty shot down all the X's pissy attempts to control any part of the D. And yes, one of us had to be the plaintiff--that was me 
Right before the papers were submitted to the court,the X got pissy, so we told him he could get another attorney to look at the papers, but he was too cheap. 
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 7:09 PM on Monday, July 8th, 2013
Geez, you'd think the way I feel and am handling this I was the first and only person to go through this!!!
This is your life - not anyone else's! Who cares how someone else handled their D, honey?
And for the record, you are handling it very well. Truly. ((((((((hugs))))))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Crescita ( member #32616) posted at 7:10 PM on Monday, July 8th, 2013
I had a 1 paralegal D, quick, cheap and easy. Like Sazzy's my ex was too lazy to find any representation of his own, so I set reasonable terms and he just went along with it.
Good luck and hang in there (((svw))). Maybe you can have dinner with your mom after your meeting with the lawyer. I understand handling the legal stuff on your own, but take all the emotional support you can get.
“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
Helen of Troy ( member #26419) posted at 7:38 PM on Monday, July 8th, 2013
Strike while the iron is hot. Trust us on this one he may have a change of attitude soon, grab what you can while he is offering.
I'm sorry you're hurting.
Hang in there ok.
dmari ( member #37215) posted at 7:49 PM on Monday, July 8th, 2013
Get what he is offering in writing asap.
You WILL get through this. We are all here to support you. This part hurts so much ~ the emotional and physical pain is unbearable.
You will get through this one step at a time. What kind of IRL support do you have? When you say your mom is worried about you but you are determined to go at it alone ~ what does that mean? Rely on family and friends ~ they will want to support you in any way possible but sometimes they just don't know what to do so you need to be specific.
Don't minimize what you are feeling. Process it. If you don't deal with it, it will pop up later. As painful as it is to deal those feelings now, it's healthy and it means you are on the way to healing and rebuilding.
I am so sorry you are here. And I will be thinking about you and sending you positive and peaceful thoughts today as you meet with your lawyer. Please keep us updated. Good luck! Hugs and support, dmari
soveryweary (original poster member #32265) posted at 11:55 PM on Monday, July 8th, 2013
I wish I could give each of you a huge IRL hug. Absolutely amazing, all of you. Going through it yourself, yet "holding" the hand of another . Thank you.
Divorced 1/3/14 after 31 years of marriage.
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