WH came to me a week and a half ago and told me there had been one inappropriate text message between him and a volunteer he works with the last few months. He said she took it from 0-60 and began telling him how unhappy she was in her marriage and how she wanted him. He said he ended it, that he told her it was not appropriate and it wasn't fair to either spouse, but she kept after him. She eventually told someone who told someone and the rumors spread and it turns out he is essentially losing his job (whether based rumors or facts, I am not sure). That's was day one. I thought about it over night and didn't believe one inappropriate text (non sexual, he claimed- so how would it be inappropriate, a racial or sexist joke, rrrrright...). Of course nothing on his phone. So I asked him next morning if he wanted to say anything else, which he didn't, then I did message recovery on the iPhone I so lovingly got him at Easter....and he sat there watching me pull up 100s of messages he had deleted. Now I will say it really wasn't that many that were sexts and majority were work/volunteer related, but he also didn't mention pictures. I lost it. I yelled at him (in front of the kids, breaking one of my own most important rules) and told him to get out and don't come back, said he was a horrible father, the worst husband, etc. We spent a few days not talking and he stayed at a friends house. Not seeing him was taking its toll on my big kid and so when he asked if I wanted him to come back I said the kids would like it, but he slept in another room a week. In the meantime I checked the phone records to see how often they texted, when it began to pick up, when it ended, and it was the duration of just a few weeks. And he swears he never touched her, it was never more than a game to him, she was the one to say she wanted him and he said no we can't. Then she goes to compare adultery badges with some other cheating friends and has nothing but a few texts and so she states spreading lies about swinging and threesomes, etc. which get to the people above my husband and have to be investigated, hence him telling the boss his side, hence losing his job. He has already made efforts to do more around the house, start praying, sharing stories, being the spiritual leader in our home instead of always waiting for me to push it, has two IC this week, answers and verifies everything, asked him to get tested and he calmly asks if his word is not enough (it's not)says he will make the appointment then. Although i actually do not think there was any PA because he's only gone out twice without me this year and come home both times, and none of the texts mentioned future meeting up or referenced any sexual encounters. OW husband actually works(worked) for WH and called him before d-day, said he saw texts, said it had to stop, WH said I did but she keeps trying, OW husband said it was definitely not the first time she did this, asked WH to let him know if she got inappropriate again (they did still have some volunteer work they had to finish). WH told the people who work for him the truth before the rumors could get too far, I am talking to a few close friends about it. And so now we are just trying to move forward.... I have been reading here for a week, and am glad to see honest real advice. Two friends (their husbands also work with organization) have reached out and said they have had problems in their marriages, I am not alone. It takes work but can be better. Veryone keeps talking about this roller coaster and I feel almost nothing, a few bouts of rage and cried once, but mostly I can't describe how I feel, not indifferent not numb just kind of like nothing. Putting on fake smiles for kids and other friends....waiting for the days to be over but then I can't sleep. Thank you in advance for support.
