SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Kudos gym guy!! I wonder if he was wearing a ring. No trying to befriend married men especially at the gym!! My husband wants to join the gym and this post just made me cringe!! Cause I know he would not have the same response!! Maybe gym guy should teach a how to class!! Agility 101 - How to dodge a ho in spin class!!

Love it!

How to dodge a ho in spin class!!

This is hilarious. Thanks fo making me laugh today. I needed it.

Add me to the list of those who think that he learned this response the hard way. It sounds too good to be true from a handsome 30 year "oldish" gym guy.

Edited - since I read all replies and realized that others raised the same question.

[This message edited by iggyD at 2:51 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)]

I usually kind of just lurk on subjects like this and keep things to myself if I disagree with the majority. I also totally get boundaries etc...but I really think that if there were not past indiscretions involved that this is kind of creepy. He is not allowed to have any female friends on facebook unless they are in his family? Seriously? I mean throw the two by 4 fours at me but unless there is something else going on here, this just seems weird to me. If it was he knew the work out girl would be an issue...well OK...but He is not allowed any women as friends...any unless they are family. Really?

Eh ... I sort of get it. I mean I know what you're saying asurvivor but it could have been HIS thing, not hers.

I dated a guy once and after about a year I felt like he loved me .. but he never said it. I mean I know he cared a LOT about me and he would be devastated if something happened to me and we went on dates and kissed and held hands and all "that" stuff but one day I said don't you love me??? He got quiet awhile and said I really don't want to answer that question and I won't say those words until my wedding day. I feel like the only person I ever want to say those words to are my wife. Those are HER words .... and maybe you will be my wife one day but until I know for sure, I'm not saying them.

I REALLY respected that and you know what, we didn't get married. I know he cared about me and maybe he did love me but he never wanted to tell his wife he had loved someone else or SAID I love you to someone else. That was something special for her.

I get it. Maybe this gym guy set that rule for himself. My H tells me all the time he just simply doesn't get into situations that look bad, or could turn bad. He doesn't want to have to explain himself to me. He prefers to just not do or say or be in bad situations and honor our marriage.

So .. I get it! Love it!

I wonder if he was wearing a ring.

He wasn't wearing a ring. Someone else in the gym commented on that fact and he said something about his work as the reason.

He said it with such ease and comfort that I don't think infidelity was an issue. He was OK with his boundaries and didn't have that edge of apology. Just matter of fact. A few other women around the circle said they thought that was awesome. It was a very mature discussion all around.

It probably sounds strange to some people but with all the internet infidelity I think it is a perfectly wonderful boundary that the two of them put in place. Almost like saying he doesn't lunch alone with women out of respect for his wife.

Wish I married him.

Finally10 had his ring on. But some OW types consider that a sign of safety. And along with the challenge of being told 'no' they become worse. Maybe the grab was resulting from that.

Before the A and recent head-assectomy, I don't think he would have thought about it much.

Maybe there are many men (and women) out there with the boundaries that make their post A marriages safe.

Although the more I think about this post and my distrust of people in general these days, I'm wondering if this guy might have been a playa!! You know maybe he just wasn't into the FB girl or thought a comment like this would really get the ladies wondering about him and trying harder to win him!! Heck I've already seen a couple of love declarations in this post alone! Just kind if made me say hmmm..........lol

And could be the real reason he wasn't wearing a ring!! After all he was at the gym not at work!! A man who really respects his wife and wants to show it will wear his ring when possible especially in a co-ed place like a gym where some folks are half dressed anyway!!

[This message edited by wannarun at 6:57 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)]

Hats off to him! I'm always glad to her it when a M person displays boundaries.

And yes, it does indeed make him more attractive to other women - but they will still respect those boundaries, either because they are decent women or because he will see to it that they do.

I am just still amazed that people converse this much at the gym. I effing hate it when people talk to me when I exercise. Perhaps I am an antisocial bitch.

@asurvivor...

I do believe men and women can be friends, under certain circumstances, if infidelity has NEVER been an issue in the past, the 'friend' is a friend of the marriage, and if the husband/or wife is okay with it.

But random strange chicks that someone runs across let's say in a gym, or on a sports team, or the girl at work, that after an hour of knowing someone says, "lets be Facebook friends," uh, no. Frankly, I think that's weird.

Plus, even though I do believe under certain circumstances men and women can be 'just friends,' let's face it, it is just not, and never will be IMO, the same as a girl/girl, or guy/guy friendship. There are certain lines that you don't cross. For example, most of us would not bat an eye if our H's or W's were going for a girl's only or guy's only weekend, or going to the movies together, or hanging out all the time...but with an opposite sex friend? Oh hell no. It simply is not a good idea.

I have several dear dear male friends from school days, that I luv to death, yet there are certain activities I simply would not engage in without their wives present, not because I am worried about myself cheating, but because it opens the door to the possibility of cheating.

Just my take on things.

He is not allowed to have any female friends on facebook unless they are in his family? Seriously?

neither my husband nor I have friend of the opposite sex added on facebook, considering the circumstances. neither of us really have any friends of the opposite sex IRL other than our couples friends, work colleagues. What would be the point? We've proven we can't handle that stuff so just best to avoid it.

oh yeah, I bet this guy learned the hard way, as someone said.

[This message edited by rachelc at 7:02 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

I am just still amazed that people converse this much at the gym. I effing hate it when people talk to me when I exercise. Perhaps I am an antisocial bitch.

Word!!!! I think tasers should be handed out with towels. No talkie!!!!!

He didn't say he wasn't allowed, he said he didn't accept.

Of course I didnt txt or accept txts, calls, anything from men...and I'm from the dark side sans cookies...so there's that.

The guys are out there. They don't even have to be married. A few years ago my daughter met a guy she really liked through work. She didn't know his status, but he didn't wear a ring. Usually fairly shy about such things, she finally asked him to a music event. He very kindly told her that he was in a relationship, but if he'd been single, there was no one else he'd rather attend a music event with. I thought that was class: He respected his relationship without making my daughter feel bad. Good on him.

Could also be he learned it from being a BS.

My brother doesn't have a Facebook account because his ex-wife cheated on him and views FB as a breeding ground for rekindling dead relationships. He doesn't want any of his old girlfriends tracking him down and making his new wife uncomfortable -- so he's just chosen to opt out of the whole concept.

well all I know is that if I am ever in a relationship again...which by the way is about a chance in hell...it would hopefully be the type where we both are not only respectful of and understand the importance of fidelity, but are able to have some life outside of each other. I would expect her not to have a love fest with the guy at the gym or any guy but I certainly don't expect her to look down at the ground if he talks to her as she shuffles away in paranoia that I may find out she spoke to him. I would love to have a relationship again but if I can't find this kind of woman...well I just will have to be happily alone. I was married to the woman who wanted to control every aspect of my life and I would have to look away if there was a good looking woman on TV or never ever compliment another woman and etc etc... and guess what, it was just her insecurity and she was the one that chose to fuck outside the marriage. So no, I will never put myself in that kind of abusive controlling situation again and will only settle for a woman that I don't have to spell out her commitment to our relationship and she to mine. And sorry, part of the commitment would not include excluding a friend of the opposite sex on Facebook that is not a family member and yes, that still seems creepy. Proceed to hate me now.

Oh come on. We all know how to recognize when someone is coming on to us, don't we? The man at the gym probably could as well. He didn't say, "I'm married and my wife doesn't want me being FB friends with other women." He COULD have said that. He didn't. He just wanted to nip a possible infatuation (hers) in the bud and let gym girl know he isn't available. Kudos to him.

Proceed to hate me now.

Nah, we don't hate on SI. 😇

So no, I will never put myself in that kind of abusive controlling situation again

I don't think any of us would want to be in an abusive, controlling situation like you were in either. But what if your spouse simply said, "having female Facebook friends makes me uncomfortable, would you mind not accepting those requests anymore" not as a 'demand', but rather as a request? Would you value your relationship or the friend request more?