SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I betrayed my BS in March and only recently confessed to a PA, I am ashamed and repulsed by what I have done to her.

My BS is the most beautiful person in the world to me and how could I have done something so terrible to the person that means the most.

My BS tries to compare herself with the AP, but to my BS, there is no comparison.

My BS - ;

1) Is a very gentle/loving/caring/attentive person, who does all she can for others

2) Eyes are the type that when you look into them, you melt into them.

3) Hugs are the feeling of safety and you never want to let her go.

4) Smile, just lights the room up & if she laughs, you cant help laughing

5) Body, wow, she has curves, and I mean the best curves around.

6) In the bedroom, well ………. Lets not go there

The AP is not a patch on my BS, in no way shape or form, there is no comparison to have.

AGAIN, why on earth did I affairdown for a stupid tart when I had everything I ever needed/wanted with my BS. I had it all !!!!!!!!!! now I have lost it !!!!!!

To my BS, I am deeply/truly sorry and I will never forgive myself for the pain I have caused u. I LOVE YOU with all my heart

HOW the Hell do you change the smiley, new to this, and in no way do I want a winking thing at the top

[This message edited by silentlucidity at 8:25 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

Your affair had nothing to do with the OW and everything to do with yourself. As soon as you can understand that and internalize that, healing will start.

For many WSs, the AP could be anyone. It is what is broken inside the WS that is at the root of the affair, not the AP and certainly not the BS.

The challenge is to find out why you gave yourself permission to act as you did and what was/is so lacking in you that you are tempted to look for it outside the marriage.

The AP is immaterial.

Cat

Welcome to SI silentlucidity.

First and foremost, your affair has nothing to do with your wife and everything to do with you. Doesn't matter if your AP is Shrek or Jessica Rabbit. You can list all the amazing traits of your wife and all the crappy ones about your AP. Bottom line, none of that matters. What matters is you and the choices you made.

The very best thing you can do for yourself is to figure out why you made these choices. What made you cheat on your spouse. (Whether she is the greatest thing since sliced bread or not) See, a lot of people have crappy marriages. They stay and cheat. And a lot of people have pretty good marriages. They cheat anyway.

The best thing for you to do is find out why. Why you cheated. Why you made those choices. What can you do to fix that.

Bottom line. You need to be healthy. If your marriage can survive this or not, who knows. But either way, you should want to be a healthy person with or without your wife. Scary thought. Been there myself. But there's Vets around here that prove every day that it can be done.

Good luck on your journey and hope you stick around.

A Mod is going to have to address the winky icon at the top.

[This message edited by Aubrie84 at 8:47 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

HOW the Hell do you change the smiley, new to this, and in no way do I want a winking thing at the top

I fixed it for you.

Welcome to SI. You will find lots of helpful information in the Healing Library. Below is the link.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_ws.asp

My WF says the same to me.Unfortunately, we (BS) compare ourselves in every way we can find to the ow. Her hair, her body, the way she acts, dresses..you name it, we compare it. I never believed my WF that there was no comparison, the damage was done.

All I can say is try all you can to lift her up now because her confidence is most definitely shattered.

Good luck

Me 30

WF 33

DD 15.03.2013 (Wedding was supposed to be in June)

Thankyou to u all, u r right I needed to look in myself for the reason for my actions, me and my BS have been doing this, all be it my BS helping me, as I was still in denial mode and couldn't understand why.

I have looked at myself over the past few months, and not making excuses but, my new job for a new co was getting on top of me, my BS has a mental illness (which she so valiantly controls herself), these r in no way excuses for what I did, but please hear me out. All of the above got to me, that I ended up shutting down, I had lost control of everything, and shoved my head up my ar*e, Instead of turning to my BS for the shoulder to lean on and to share my problems with I ended up turning to the AP. I accept what I did and how it got to that point, I made all the wrong decision and feel so remorseful for what I have done to my BS.

All my thoughts and actions are now concentrated on my BS for now and forever.

My BS is trying to work out if she wants R and is in limbo, I will wait for however long it takes and for what ever outcome that comes.

How could I of ignored my BS for a situation that was going to make everything 1000x worse, especially now after the A I have relaised just how much I love and Adore my BS, I know "too little too late"