SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

OW and I are members of the same community Facebook message board.

Her and I greatly disagree on a social topic. She is very vocal and will post her opinion and I may occasional "like" a post from someone who I support.

I guess she saw I supported someone's opinion completely different than hers. I had logged off for the night and when I woke up she had used my first and last name and posted info about me that only maybe 4 ppl in my world knows. She knew only because her and I used to be friends. I have my work managers and clients on my Facebook. My WH was just as shocked and knew how critical it was for her to remove the post. He contacted her and was very angry at her and the post was removed.

I went to my Facebook to block her and I then wondered if I should keep her on Facebook until after I confront just to keep an eye on her.

Block or keep ( for now) ?

Block Block Block!!

My OW(XDBC) hacked my FB and did real damage. Go silent on her.

Block, set your account to friends only and use that setting that says people can't tag you without your permission.

Is your H still in an affair with her? While tempting to block her, if they're still having an affair, you might keep an eye on her and collect any evidence you see between her and your H.

ETA: Not familiar with Facebook's security... Is there a way to report her when she uses your full name and information? A "report this person" feature?

[This message edited by silverhopes at 2:44 PM, July 12th (Friday)]

H and OW do not know that I know anything. I am going to confront in a couple of weeks. I have access to all his incoming and outgoing messages.

She did this just because you disagreed?

Imagine what will happen when you confront. You need to plan for that.

Update...

So he demanded that she remove the personal info about me because I have work associates and clients on my Facebook. And she should have not done it. He really seemed pissed off at her. He knew how hurtful it was to me. He did not text her the whole day. I had a glimmer of hope that he was seeing her new a new light.

So Saturday I went to work and I was hoping that he wouldn't text her. A few hours after I felt great that he actually stood up to someone for me. She texted him first and had such an attitude about how he didn't say hello and now what? He replied that he was busy and then he asked her what she was doing. She said cleaning the house and he said she should put on a French Maids outfit and he would come over and watch her, she just lol'd ...

Today is the day I was going to do something very special. Something I would have remembered for the rest of my life and he made me cancel. I'm bitchy and crabby today and he has no clue why!

I hate him!

She said cleaning the house and he said she should put on a French Maids outfit and he would come over and watch her, she just lol'd ...

You know, this is pretty fucked up. So even though he seemed to have defended you, it was all for not, because he is still doing this with her. She still wins in the end, and I am sure that is how she sees it. Why are you waiting so long to confront?

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 12:42 PM, July 15th (Monday)]

For what it is worth, he showed respect for you.

He is not showing respect to the OW. French Maid outfit? Oh, please. That is so demeaning coming from someone you are not in a REAL relationship with. He is treating her like free porn.

Eta i know cheating is not showing respect, i was trying to say I suspect your WH has the two of you compatmentalized. You are the wife and of value. She is the free porn.

[This message edited by Jospehine85 at 1:38 PM, July 15th (Monday)]

I have informed my family of my decision to confront and I have no desire to R ... We have 4 children ... 2 do not live with us. That leaves 13 yr old twin girls who are entering high school in 6 wks. My family asked me to wait until they got into school and somewhat settled. This gives me a chance to save some money and figure this out.

He will lie and become two- faced to anyone to suit himself or to get away with a lie. He lies to me, he lies to her. Her and I have been friends for 19yrs. Him and I, almost 18yrs.

Unfriend her on facebook, don't block her .. YET. Set your privacy settings to friends only.

When the poop hits... then you can block her ... ask a trusted friend to keep an eye on her FB page for any of your information.

You can always unblock her, but you have to wait 48 hours before you can block her again.

Good luck,

K

PS... I think I would confront BEFORE school starts so that the kids have time to get used to the idea of their parents separating...without having to get used to a new school, new poeple, new routine..etc. I would also make an appt with the guidance counselor and the teachers to explain the situation...so that the teachers can let you know when/if the kids are not doing well or stressing at school.

Thank you very much for the suggestions. I definitely can see why it would be better to confront before school.

Everyone has someone that they would give anything to meet. I was suppose do that today but H said no. I had the tickets in my hand and he made me sell them. He couldn't understand why it was so important to me and he didn't care.

I'm on 9 days holidays ( cause I thought I was going away but I'm sitting at home ) and it will be interesting to see what attempts he makes to go see her.

Iammine,

You are an adult. Why did you sell the tickets when you didn't want to?

I hope if you sold the tickets, that you at least got to keep the money for your getaway stash.

Hugs,

K

H refuses to work - 3 short term jobs in 17 yrs. His mom finds nothing wrong with this. I work full time. She gives him money whenever he wants.

I saved my money for 3mths, made a budget for expenses, etc. My mom even drove 4 hrs each way with me to pick up the tickets. He was absolutely thrilled when I showed him the tickets. It was years that I was that happy. Then he told his mom who promptly told him that we couldn't afford to go and how dare I spend any money on something as stupid as tickets. He completely changed and told me I had to sell the tickets because it was a stupid idea and his mom was going to cut us off.

So I sold the tickets. My heart just wasn't into it anymore. All the joy was taken out of it.

Wow, your MIL sounds exactly like MY MIL!

Ok, so your WH is too old to be doing what Mommy says and she should have no say in your marriage. I imagine she has caused you a lot of stress over the years? I know my uber controlling MIL has!

You need to confront sooner, rather than later. I know two people who chose Summer to separate so the kids would have time away from the day to day schedules of school to adjust and both are glad they did it that way.

See a D attorney to find out your rights and about child support, etc. knowing where you'll end up financially will probably put your mind a little more at ease.

Lastly, the site she did this on is a community FB page, correct? If so, set up a fake FB account, join it, and then you can keep an eye on that page (and her) from afar.

I think they say on Star Trek, "Disengage!!!"

This seems like it could get very, very messy?

FWIW to share, I feel very pleased now that some time ago, I was able to let myself delete all of my facebook stuff. You know, it only took a day or two, but it feels wonderful!

Mr. Peckerwood and OW ruined it for me as it was, but what worked in my head the most was finding was that I could be far removed from contact or common ground, of any sort, with either of them.

Also, It could see my page and I could see It's page and that appalled me, for she has stolen enough of my life already.

I hope someday you'll be able to block her, at minimum, and save yourself some hassle, heartache and possible future damage control, because I know at least Mr. Peckerwood will use things against me with the lawyers if he thinks he can.

It's truly a shame how people use SN's and the internet.

P.S. Yes, this is what I do as well. Several friends have kept connections open on FB and others to "watch".

Ow made a very detailed page with dates and other details and a friend prints these for me but keeps them so I don't have to see them-too much trigger.

I wanted very much not to be part of it or have them "see" me.

At one point he also accused me of having men on my page he didn't know and it was a very blatant lie-they were his own relatives! So it is just as well now to not have the drama.

I'm tired of dealing with a man in a teenager's body.

I know it will get messy because him nor his mom hate to be wrong. Everything will be my fault but that's ok, I have proof.

A friend of his was getting married and he didn't like the girl. My H sent an email to the girl spilling the beans on his friend's past activities which caused the couple to break up.

Both H and OW are like this. Since neither work, I guess they have time for this.

PS... I think I would confront BEFORE school starts so that the kids have time to get used to the idea of their parents separating...without having to get used to a new school, new poeple, new routine..etc. I would also make an appt with the guidance counselor and the teachers to explain the situation...so that the teachers can let you know when/if the kids are not doing well or stressing at school.

I very strongly agree with this.