I am starting to think you just can't have both, that being overwhelmingly, 'in love' with someone blinds the other stuff.
For me this was true. With XH it was a whirlwind, I never knew which was was up when I was with him. It was like a drug. And it wasn't heathy.
But with SO it is completely different. It was a gradual building of love and trust. I never had that "OMG when am I going to see you next. I don't think I can live without you" sort of feeling. But I know that I am "in love" with him but this time it's a healthy love.
SO and I have been dating for over 2.5 years. At 5 months in the walls were just starting to come down and we were still getting to know each other. How can you really love someone until you know them, flaws and all?
Also, selfishly, I live in a place where I very much KNOW that to be true. Part of me feels that my 'clock is ticking' and that if I want to settle down and have kids, there's not much time left.
I can't even tell you how often someone makes a comment on my biological clock. What really helps is becoming "ok" letting the cards fall how they may. I've accepted that if I have kids, I'll be ok but if I don't, I know I'll be ok too. Knowing that as long as I am happy on the journey then everything is going according to plan helps.
