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JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 6:47 PM on Monday, July 22nd, 2013
I'm writing this to keep from googling an OW because I know it will make me feel like shit if I do. Everything's fine with my H and me. I'm anxious about work stuff, insurance, the house we're building, money. Not my marriage, nothing to do with this random chick. So why am I fighting to urge to google her? Am I nuts?
ItsaClimb ( member #37107) posted at 7:15 PM on Monday, July 22nd, 2013
You're not nuts, well if you are then I am too! 
I think it's about vulnerability... the minute I am anxious about anything at all, it seems to magnify my other vulnerabilities. I get anxious about...whatever... makes me feel sort of vulnerable and needy, that gets me obsessing about the A, that gets me obsessing about OW... and there we go! I also think that "researching" the OW gives me a feeling of some sort of control - I know it's NOT the case (I have no control over anything A related I get that), but that's the way it feels.
BS 52
Together 35 yrs, M 31 years
2 daughters 30yo(married with 2 children) & 25yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later
JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 7:29 PM on Monday, July 22nd, 2013
Thank you ItsaClimb - I just got a bunch of work dropped on my desk, so that should keep me busy. Urge is passing - it's so self-defeating, ugh!
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