Many, if not most WS's have been in your shoes one time or another - adamant that sharing any more details is only going to cause harm.
This is self-protecting hiding under the guise of concern for the BS. Every time.
We all want the pain to stop and the healing to begin. The problem with less-than-full disclosure is that there are still active mines in the field. They do NOT get buried forever. They do NOT go away. Even if your BS never stumbled into new information that you've buried, if you haven't been completely honest then they will live in fear of finding something more down the road.
The ONLY path to true healing and a fresh start is to get it ALL out. Now.
I understand that the details can be hazy, and there is a valid concern that if you can't recall something effectively there may be confusion later. Disclose everything, and add asterisks and footnotes where needed. This is where a timeline comes in handy - it can be a great tool for both spouses to get everything out in the open.
When FWH TT'd me it was devastating. Finding out time and again that he had fibbed or "covered" something, alledgedly for my benefit, was harder than him volunteering me a new horrific detail he suddenly recalled.
The thing is - everything he volunteered to me caused me momentary pain, but long lasting relief that he had offered me unsolicited truth at his own "peril." Every time he tried to "save" me from something and I could tell he was lying, my anger and fear would spiral out of control and his late confession would be practically useless.
You want a true opportunity at Reconciliation? Tell her the WHOLE truth. It's not an honest R if you're withholding, it's a CYA job and that's not love or honor, that's self serving. Again.
You can do it. We have awesome FWS's here to help you if you need guidance for the next steps.
