Dontstop
You have been heard.
Yes, of course we all get what you are saying. We do, I do.
Your feelings are completely normal. Maddening but normal. Frustrating but normal.
It is hard to want to celebrate your anniversary when your whole world has been turned upside down. You have lost your equilibrium and your foundation of what is true and real. Again, normal.
It will take a long time to regain any true sense of reality because you have been betrayed so greatly by the one person you thought would never betray you.
Don't rush yourself in landing in one spot. You will feel everything and nothing. You will be 100% committed to making it work and loving your husband again to saying I am 99% out the door and he's such a jackass.
You have to allow yourself to feel everything you feel. You have been dealt a terrible blow. It takes it's toll on the body, mind and soul. Be kind to yourself.
My stomach is in knots for you right now. Your pain pours off the screen. I am so sorry you are suffering like this, but I want to assure you...it will get better. You will be OK just not right now.
You have already taken the first step to healing, you reached out for support. You found a very safe place full of very compassionate people that know exactly what you're going through.
We've all been where you are now and most of us have made it out the other side.
The shock of infidelity can cause PTSD. It takes such a heavy toll on the betrayed.
What you're feeling is normal, awful but normal. Sometimes it takes months to begin to process it all.
Do what you need to do to heal yourself. Be kind to you now. If you can go to IC, it helps a lot. It is your WH's job to fix himself. You can't fix him because you didn't break him. You did nothing wrong.
With time, you can work together to fix your relationship and save your marriage if that is what you decide you want. I have been right where you are, in all that pain, with all the confusion, anger and shame.
My recommendation on your anniversary is play it by ear. If you are up for it that day go. And simply say, I am here because I want to try and make our marriage work. We have a lot of work to do but I also know that 11 years and our family are worth fighting for. I hope you feel the same way and are willing to stand by me as I navigate through healing.
Don't fake it, just be real.
Good luck.
(((hugs)))