SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sounds like broevil is a bit of a serial offender.

Is this all you got from my post?

And this matters? Why?

There are plenty of repeat offenders here. Trying to minimize, or set yourself apart is dangerous. I've thought "well thank god I didn't do THAT" It's not healthy.

Yes I've made a lifetime of bad decisions. This started WAY before I met my BS. He is not the only person I hurt.

My A's were using outside things to make me feel better about myself, to deal with my crushingly low self esteem.

The last one was my rock bottom, not even my drug use brought me so low.

It's where I am going, not where I've been that counts for me now.

[This message edited by broevil at 10:36 AM, July 25th (Thursday)]

Wishmewell,

If your wife is taking Paxil and still has suicidal thoughts, it might not be the right anti-depressant. She should mention this to whomever prescribed it.

slight t/j

Bobbie sue - Each situation is unique, and we aren't all going to agree.

What's the point of an NC letter? No contact. Sharing you thoughts and feelings of the AP in an NC letter gives the AP more credit than they are worth. Will it hurt them? Maybe, but who cares? There is nothing that can be done to make up for what has been done to the BS. Or rather, there is nothing that can be done that will erase the pain. And I think there are plenty of AP's out there who would get off on knowing how they've screwed up someone so bad that this person has to respond, even if it is letting them know how little you think of them or how bad of a person they are. It can be done hatefully, or it can be done in a way that shows that what the AP did will not ruin the BS or the M. I get that some people will take that option. It can show solidarity.

Here's my situation...the AP went NC with me. No lead up, no long good-bye, no warning. She poofed. While I don't think the AP's BH gave a shit about me in the first place, I imagine that he may have received some comfort knowing how fucked up I became after the NC went in place. That NC was in place a couple years before I came to SI, and that is the period when I almost lost my wife and family. Being a WS/AP still in the fog, not knowing what the hell happened, it was hell. Should I have been there in the first place? No. But I was. Should it matter now? Well, no, not really. But that simple poof took years for me to recover from.

So, what's going to inflict more damage on the AP? Poofing or giving them a piece of your mind? That's your call to make. I do believe that the BS should be the one to make that decision. I just know what was worse on me.

It's still okay to disagree.

end slight t/j

Is this all you got from my post?

Sorry broevil if I offended you and other repeat offenders. It is just that I am in such a deep whole and my wife is even deeper that I really cannot see me doing this again. I hope that I will learn from this experience and better keep my guards up next time and not allow to get involved/intimate outside M.

I liked your point about NC eliciting a response. My BW and I need to weigh the consequences of sending a too emotional NC and what consequences this could have on our wider circle of common friends. I would definitely prefer no response. Much appreciated post.