SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She has the right to break a window to get into her own house. It is still legally hers too. sorry.

I would acquire a storage unit that she does not know about and store one copy of everything in there. Orginals should not be in the house. Put them in a storage unit or a safe deposit box. Copies only in a locked fire proof box in the house. At least make her work for it. A lock on a second story room would also be a good idea. lock up your stuff though!

While we were negotiating our settlement, I would come home from work and find that XH had been in the house eating our food for lunch. He would leave his dirty dishes. When I asked my attorney if I could do anything? She told me to loose the key, change the locks, and forget to give him a key. And keep forgetting.

He could have broken into the house-but he would have to explain to the sheriff why he was doing it! I don't think XH wanted to deal with the police.

Hugs

K

Thanks, everyone. I am still reluctant to change locks until there is an order in place.

-I have been dropping the kids at her place to avoid her coming here

-she uses the kids as "bodyguards" to go inside and I don't want there to be a scene in their presence

-even if I do change the locks and garage door code, I still need to provide my DS access and he could just lead her in

-All important documents are not accessible to her even if she were to enter and rummage to her black heart's content

My modus operandi at this time is to lay low and NC. Mediation on temporary orders is in thirty days. In the interim my and her attorney are going to try to come to an agreement; thus mediation may not be necessary and orders can be granted even sooner. It is then that I will change locks.

WW sent me a check for a few thou to cover home expenses, unsolicited. I am not touching it. Nothing doing until financial matters are set by law. This contribution has a selfish , manipulative motive, I am certain (if you've followed my thread you can probably venture some theories).

Suffice to say I am sure she didn't suddenly have an epiphany of guilt that she should be contributing proactively to our children's home-related expenses.

(She has also been uncharacteristically civil and even deferential in the last two days via text. Maybe she's finally listening to her attorney. Or maybe she is just "cyclying.")

Right now I am up with my DD who has a fever. Will likely take her to the doctor against my instincts and experience. I do not believe it is anything serious. (I have always been the one who "took over" when kids were sick.). But lest I am accused of being a negligent monster, I guess I have to.

But I have had a great week with the kids! They are so happy when home with me.

Sigh.

Thanks as always for your advice and support!

[This message edited by Abbondad at 2:41 AM, September 27th (Friday)]

Was the mispelling of cycling deliberate?

Cyclying; I like it!

I also like the use of the term 'using the children as bodyguards'. My CSTBXWW does that to avoid any conversation that requires her to deal with the situation.

Skype tonight?

Was the mispelling of cycling deliberate?

Cyclying; I like it!

Funny. No, not deliberate. Typo. But apropos.

I also like the use of the term 'using the children as bodyguards'. My CSTBXWW does that to avoid any conversation that requires her to deal with the situation.

Exactly. So childish to say the least.

Skype tonight?

My internet has been down for days. Everything through iphone. Hope to have it up and running by tonight. Meanwhile I'll set up Skype on my iphone. Add me. TTYL.

He AD - not been around much at all of late but wanted to just check in a say you're doing great - this is a long long road for you and I'm very impressed at your resilience and level headed approach. Keep it up. There's a bright future ahead and closer than you think.

V

Hi,

The latest: STBXWW is looking into hiring a full time au pair. This way she can keep her Monday-Friday-night high paying job and have the kids 50% (if not more) but not actually HAVE them. She would not be home with them.

She intimated that she was considering this when we attempted our one and only mediation prior to me chucking that and filing.

Even the mediator asked her, "Why would you do that when your ex husband would be free and willing to take the kids? For free? And wouldn't they rather be with their dad?"

(She was stumped.)

Any comments or advice? This really angers me.

Oh, this really pisses me off.

I haven't replied to your thread before AD, but I have read everything.

What the hell good is it to hire a babysitter just so that you can have 50/50? She will not be with the kids so she can't do 50/50.

It's much better that you, their primary caregiver is taking care of them.

This is the ultimate in stupidity.

Sorry you have such and NPD ass bitch for a hopefully soon to be ex.

Glad the mediator pointed out the utter stupidity of her plan.

OMG, I am fuming.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 2:34 PM, September 27th (Friday)]

OMG, I am fuming

Thank you, Lola, so am I.

A friend of mine's ex pulled this same BS. When he "has" the kids 50% of the time, they are in reality with the nanny. He is nowhere to be found.

I am dropping them off at her place in a few hours (they're staying with her all the way to Sunday morning! I've had them for the past five days). I need to calm down so I don't completely lose it.

That woman is just a pain in the ass, isn't she?

You probably can't stop her from hiring an au pair, but I think that most everyone is going to have the same response that the mediator did.

God. She's just flippin' stupid and totally self-centered. Why does she need a full-time au pair if she only has the kids for 1/2 the time? This is something that my stbx would do. Act without putting any real *thought* into it....

Stand firm on the first rite of refusal. If she's not going to be able to watch the kids for XXX amount of time you get the first option to take them. She could be paying the au pair for a whole lotta nothing.

I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks this would be "child care costs" and figure it in that way.

Let's hope she hires a sexy one so her AP can enjoy her too! (devil horns)

I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks this would be "child care costs" and figure it in that way.

This is just what I surmise as well, Standing.

Could she really be consulting with her attorney? If so, does this not strike one as rather stupid, self-defeating advice?

I wouldn't put it past her to get her advice from other mothers that have been thru it. They could be sharing battle stories around the water cooler. Women discuss many things, get/give ideas, she may run them by the lawyer eventually, but she is a NPD so she probably thinks she is smarter than him. I like the way she used the title AuPair. Sounds so fancy! So much better than the average nanny or basic babysitter.

I am impressed with the way you catch on to her games so much faster these days!

interesting concept. she suddenly has enough disposable income to hire an au pair? I don't think that's going to fly very well.

in your shoes, I would have my lawyer offer my services( watching the kids) for the same amount of money she is offering the Au Pair. in addition to the child support that is. dead serious about that, see what your lawyer thinks of it.

was she always this dense?

Let's hope she hires a sexy one so her AP can enjoy her too! (devil horns)

Just did the kid exchange at her place.

She is coming apart at the seams: she just rolled up from Daytona for business (hundreds of miles away) and looked ten years older. And she could barely contain her fury at me. For what? Presumably everything.

Did you bring DS's ibuprofen?

(Uh, no, that would be your responsibility to have meds for her since she is sick.)

Why not, she asked hostilely.

(Uh, because that would not be my responsibility. I told you she was sick and I'd been giving her ibuprofen after taking her to the docs. Now you have the kids for a whole 34 hours before you leave town again.)

I sent you a message TELLING you to bring some...

(Uh, sorry--I don't spend my time gazing at my phone waiting for your texts when you decide to send them. I guess you'll have to drive five minutes down the road to the drugstore.)

And so on.

I am playing it cordial, detached, and vaguely dumb. This is NOT how the script in her NPD mind is supposed to play out.

It's working--at least for me.

And the beat goes on.

was

she always this dense?

I wouldn't say "dense." She is a child. A petulant, blame shifting, entitled spoiled child.

The latest: STBXWW is looking into hiring a full time au pair. This way she can keep her Monday-Friday-night high paying job and have the kids 50% (if not more) but not actually HAVE them. She would not be home with them.

I guess I'm a little confused, so please excuse me if I'm missing something here. What is wrong with her finding an AuPair? Do you work full-time too? Do you want her to give up 50 percent custody of the kids?

I'm sorry if I missed something here. If you both have full-time jobs, then an AuPair would make great sense.

Frankly, I know moms who don't work at all who have AuPairs. And I know other families that work crazy hours and who need a nanny and an AuPair. It takes a village sometimes if you have a lot of kids or if you both work long hours. Or if you're a single parent like me!

I must be missing something! Sorry, I didn't read every post here.

She would suggest an AuPair because (1) it sounds 'elite' to be able to tell others you have one; (2) she would rather pay an AuPair than pay you child support; and (3) she would still be able to tell people she has 50/50 custody rather than 30/70 custody or something like that. I think most people wonder what's 'wrong' with a mother who doesn't at least have equal custody, there is somewhat of a stigma attached. I cannot imagine any judge would give a parent 50/50 custody knowing one of the parents is out of town for the larger portion of their custody of the children. However, not all judges give a rip about what's reasonable.

I am playing it cordial, detached, and vaguely dumb.

Keep this up ^^^. It will drive her *batshit craycray*.