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soveryweary (original poster member #32265) posted at 9:39 PM on Thursday, July 25th, 2013
Hi,
I have an appointment to speak with my attorney tomorrow morning, but I just wanted to throw a couple of things out there.
We are TRYING for an amicable divorce.
He is refinancing the house so my name can be off it, between the balance and home equity, there is no equity in it. So that's a wash.
We met his financial planner about a QDRO, he is giving me his entire pension. I will use a portion of that to buy myself a place, but that doesn't come in to effect until the divorce is final.
He has agreed to $300.00 per week for 7 years, I wanted ten and he wanted 5. Kind of met in the middle on that one.
If house prices go up and in a few years he sells and there is a profit, is it unreasonable of me to have it in the divorce decree that he splits the proceeds with me?
I haven't broached that with him yet because he thinks giving me his entire retirement makes up for EVERYTHING and that I will be on easy street.
NOT QUITE ASSHOLE!!!
Does anyone further in the process see that I may be missing something?
This is so mind boggling and I am really struggling with keeping it civil.
We are still in the same house for now and I want to push this as fast as possible to get the hell out of here. So hopefully after he goes tonight, my name will be off the house soon. I am pretty sure I can get approved for a loan for a place even without that pension money. I don't want to get an apartment for just a few months and have to move twice, plus I have my daughter who is medically fragile to think about.
Sorry, sorry for rambling...my brain is scrambled!!
Divorced 1/3/14 after 31 years of marriage.
LifeIsBroken ( member #27071) posted at 4:03 AM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
If you don't ask for half the potential future equity if the house is sold, you won't get it. Better to ask for it now than regret later on not having brought it up. And, asking for it is reasonable. Good luck; I hope all this moves quickly for you.
D-Day: 8/28/2009
BW: 59 @ D-Day XH: 60 @ D-Day Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
Beyond terror is freedom. (Agnes Martin)
woundedby2 ( member #18522) posted at 7:39 AM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
He is refinancing the house so my name can be off it
If house prices go up and in a few years he sells and there is a profit, is it unreasonable of me to have it in the divorce decree that he splits the proceeds with me?
If he refinances and you quit claim off the deed, then you have no ownership in the house, and I don't believe you could expect to receive any proceeds from its sale. The value of the home will be factored into the final divorce settlement.
Who has determined that the equity in the house is zero? There should be an appraisal done to assess its value.
The home equity debt may be considered a joint marital debt and you could possibly be responsible for half of it, so don't automatically deduct this off the value of the house. We had a Home Equity Line of Credit (Not a 2nd mortgage) and I was able to show that much of that line was used to pay off credit cards and to purchase trips and furniture for the house. Since it was not used to improve the house, it was treated like credit card debt. Half of it was deducted from his settlement amount when I bought him out of the house.
he is giving me his entire pension. I will use a portion of that to buy myself a place
I am part of a public employee's pension plan, so this stuff came up during my D. If he has a true pension, I don't think you can cash it out. I believe you would only be entitled to the payments once he retires. I think you should get this clarified.
Make sure the attorney figures out how much spousal support you are actually entitled to also. I think your stbx may be trying to pull a couple fast ones on you.
In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
soveryweary (original poster member #32265) posted at 12:00 PM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
Thanks for the responses!!
Divorced 1/3/14 after 31 years of marriage.
Take2 ( member #23890) posted at 12:08 PM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
Health insurance? What about a life insurance policy - if he dies... no alimony.
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?
devistatedmom ( member #24961) posted at 2:16 PM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
If you take yourself off the house and the mortgage, you have no claim to it if the value goes up. On the other side, if it tanks, he can't come back at you to pay anything either. Once you have signed off the house to him, none of it is yours, good or bad.
Yep...you check on that pension. You might not be able to touch it, or have to lose a bunch of it as penalties for drawing it out early.
I would not sign the qdro, or anything without talking the the L. You could be getting screwed here...he will own the house, and the only monies you will get you won't be able to touch for years.
BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 2:24 PM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
This was a really tough time for me, too.
Once it was all settled, I could begin to think clearly again....
I got in my D where he has to maintain life ins with children as benef until they turn 21.
Are you sure you want to leave the house? If you can't afford the payment, I totally understand. But, like someone here said, the home equity loan could be something he would have to pay.
When I thought about my house having 0 equity, I remembered that I only have 15 years left on the loan. If you move, you start all over at day1 year 1.
Just some thoughts for you.
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
chikastuff ( member #35288) posted at 2:34 PM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on
Grace and Flowers ( member #34431) posted at 3:28 PM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
Re: the pension.
Yes, some pension (usually gov't ones) cannot be withdrawn. But my WXH had a pension from an old job and a 401k from his current job. I got half of both.
And, under a QDRO! You are allowed to cash out any or all of with no penalty...just the taxes, which you'd be paying later anyways. The 10% extra penalty does not apply in QDRO cases.
Good luck1
[This message edited by SadMad2012 at 9:28 AM, July 26th (Friday)]
EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 6:28 PM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
My friend did that with her house.
She refinanced in her name and took X off the deed.
However, they have a clause in there "IF" she ever sells, then her X gets half of the proceeds about $50K (the cost of her left mortgage).
So if it sells for $50K - all goes to my friend.
If it goes for $100K - she gets $75K and he gets $25K.
You can put anything you want into an agreement as long as you both agree to it.
My case is the opposite. I assumed the entire mortgage and got the house. There would be no way I would of agreed to splitting profit after I am the one paying all the upkeep, etc for decades.
[This message edited by EvenKeel at 12:30 PM, July 26th (Friday)]
EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 6:32 PM on Friday, July 26th, 2013
plus I have my daughter who is medically fragile
Make sure you have all the medical (who pays what) listed too.
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