SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't know if this is going to be remotely helpful, but we get so many questions about how long this healing process is going to take, that I thought I would share something.

I'm 6 years out. Next week is the 6th anniversary of the second dday when I found the affair phone hidden in our garage under a pile of gassy rags. I don't remember the date. Which I think is good.

But last week I took my 17 year old daughter to a concert. First of all, how awesome is it that I have a teen daughter willing to be seen in public with me? Anyway, the concert was at a new venue we discovered. It is three hours away, but only a few miles from where the OW lived during the affair. I have never gone there. I am far enough out that I can just say, "fuck it" and buy tickets with nothing more than a minor twinge.

On the way there, I did Google map her address (burned into my memory). I drove about a mile from where my husband betrayed me for the first time. I started to get angry but said to myself, "really? fuck her and fuck that." I texted my FWH later and asked a couple questions. He answered. He apologized for me having to ask questions like that.

Yesterday we were discussing our ability to give my parents some financial help. Maybe letting them live with us for a bit, if needed. They lived with us 6 years ago for two months. My spouse said, "I don't remember any problems. I don't really even remember them being here." I said, "uh yeah, you weren't here all that much back then, remember?" It was right in the thick of his affair. He just looked at me and said, "yeah. right. that guy was an asshole." And we moved on to other topics.

The affair just "is". It happened. It is this thing. If you poke it really hard, it hurts. But day to day, it is virtually irrelevant in my life. It just isn't worth my time. I know you probably don't want to think that it will take you 6 years. But you are going to be six years out regardless, eventually. It will be there with you, but I hope it won't be more than a teeny blip by then.

Thank you Rebreather

((()))

You're so awesome for posting this, Rebreather!! :) Made my day, actually. Funny, made me lol, and thought how cool you are taking your daughter to a concert. I love the matter-of-fact attitude you now have regarding OW.

Sometimes, when I'm strong, I think to myself, "What the eff am I going to do, it wasn't my fault he cheated." That thinking always helps me get through the day.

My H says, the same, he's not that guy anymore. It's comforting to hear them realize that.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 12:18 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

I had this terrible fear that you were going to post the lyrics to a Bette Midler song, and then I wasn't ever going to be able to talk to you again.

ETA: Wind. Wings. You.

[This message edited by wincing_at_light at 12:19 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

You know WAL, some say love, it is a river. But it's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.

Thank you for sharing, it was exactly what I needed to hear!

So glad to hear you are going on with your life, what a cool mom you are!!

I appreciated hearing your H's responses too, good for him!

Take care

What a great post. And it really is true that, with any luck in reconciliation, there will come a day when you barely think of the A and can once again trust your spouse (mostly). Years after my H's 1st A I had actually forgotten the name of his AP. The fact that my H repeated his A behavior is more a reflection of his flaws than it is the human heart's ability to heal.

Thanks for sharing, Rebreather.

I still have your post about a couple of your posts saved ya know?

This is awesome to hear.

We took the middle to see FUN. law weekend. Loved it.

Thank you. Your post is helpful to me.

Awesome post, thanks for sharing!

It just isn't worth my time.

This. The best part is that my W still is worth my time...it's the A that is not. At this point its a bigger deal for her. She is the one that is still struggling with IC and I feel for her...

take care...

thanks for your positive story.

Namaste.

Gods below, thanks a lot. I am SO looking forward to being able to make a post like this.

I had this terrible fear that you were going to post the lyrics to a Bette Midler song, and then I wasn't ever going to be able to talk to you again.

Hey, I couldn't help myself, I saw the topic title, and immediately started singing the song.

Great post

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I think my time on this site should be spent focusing on the good news. Wallowing in the bad is what is easiest right now. Anticipating the best, though, is so much more uplifting and hopeful.

Thanks rebreather. I always appreciate your candor and thanks for sharing. Your H responses and your ownership of your life are great!