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HURTAGAIN1981 (original poster member #35178) posted at 4:56 PM on Friday, August 2nd, 2013
I'm a bit of a mess atm.
It's day 2 of NC and I'm twitchy and cranky. Last night I was filled with so much rage. I guess this little bit of space has already allowed me to think about all that he did. I wanted to smash something. I feel like he robbed me of the last year my mother had before she became ill this year. Having me spend time with him, having me stay at his house all the time, waste Christmas and New Year on him. Having me believe that he was who he was saying he was, that he cared about me and all along knowing he was a scheming, lying, cheating lowlife gutter rat. He knew I had been severely hurt in the past, said he had too. I am so ANGRY! I feel I want answers but he's a lying piece of shit. I want to ask WHY? Why do this? Why spout all this bullshit at me when it was all lies? Why when I ended it try to pull me back in time and time again, saying he missed me, saying he wanted to try again when all along he was lying and using me and meeting others behind my back. Why tell me he wanted a committed relationship with me when it wasn't what he wanted at all? I just don't get it. And now we are NC, his life is fine. He has no worries, he isn't sad. Just moving on as if nothing happened, unaffected by anything, and just like I never existed.
[This message edited by HURTAGAIN1981 at 11:02 AM, August 2nd (Friday)]
krazy8516 ( member #40076) posted at 5:09 PM on Friday, August 2nd, 2013
Hurtagain,
I am new to SI and the pain that brought me here. But if there is one thing I've learned since I started reading these forums, it is that cheaters are broken people. Sadly, they also tend to leave broken people in their wake, and it's not fair.
Am I correct in understanding that your version of NC is NC with your husband, and not his NC with the other woman? I can't imagine what that must be like. I am still living under the same roof as my "scheming, lying, cheating lowlife gutter rat," and while that is difficult, I truly believe that it is keeping me (at the moment) from going off the deep end completely. I want to hate him - I think part of me already does - but I know I am going to miss him.
I'm in no position to tell you to be strong, but come here for support often. It helps, even if only a little.
::hugs::
me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day
married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
HURTAGAIN1981 (original poster member #35178) posted at 5:11 PM on Friday, August 2nd, 2013
Thanks Krazy,
He's not my husband, we weren't married nor lived together. I am NC with him. I initiated it on Wednesday after he kept contacting me all the time. Needed space and just can't take it anymore. Trying to move on from him but it's so hard.
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