SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I filed for D only a couple of weeks ago. He is already contacting other women. My heart is so beyond broken. What really gets me is that he told one of them that he tried harder than any man ever could to reconcile, but I didn't.

That is true I guess maybe I didn't try hard enough.

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic in that last part of your post. If not, are you really blaming yourself for not trying hard enough? Really? From your tag line, it looks like he's been cheating since the beginning. How is that your fault?

In case you have any questions about that, I'm here to tell you that it's not. None of this is your fault.

Please repeat that until it sticks.

Kind of hard to try with what you were facing:

All 14 years of our relationship. 3PA's, 3 one night stands, and 6 EA's and still counting as we go

It certainly appears by the Ddays alone that there wasn't really a marriage to save. I mean how do you save a marriage that never existed...? (similar situations... and that is the question I grappled with)

I hope you recognize his "line" as the blameshifting, "poor me" hook for hooking up with OW that it so obviously is!

I hope you recognize his "line" as the blameshifting, "poor me" hook for hooking up with OW that it so obviously is!

Absolutely.

Honey - please don't measure yourself by his wonky yardstick. He will say whatever he thinks will get a woman on the hook. No one would give him the time of day if he were remotely honest, so he's spinning the tale to make himself out as the poor victim.

What. Ever.

You know the truth. Don't let him rewrite it in your head, ok? ((((hugs))))

and now I have just been informed that he is filing for custody :-(

I think you need to look at why this bothers you. Of course he is going to lie to future women. Telling the truth about his behavior during his marriage would run off every good woman.

So, what bothers you? That he lied? That the woman will think badly of you? Do NOT care about what some stranger thinks of you. You don't need her approval for anything.

As for him filing for custody, let him. Request a Guardian Ad Litem to represent your child(ren)s best interests. Was he the primary caregiver? Is this a ploy to bully you? Don't let this be a bullying technique. Just tell him "fine, you do that".

((brokenandconfuse))) Gently, there is no 'already' here. These guys have a giant black hole to fill so will try desperately ASAP.

It wasn't your job to try 'hard enough' - the fact that you were even considering R rather than throwing that douche to the curb is a bigger gift than he deserves.

He is showing you exactly what you would have been 'trying' for - an unremorseful parasite desperate to find a new host.

You dodged a bullet. I did too. My reticence to R saved me when I was unable to save myself. I also saved myself potentially years of False R by not fighting tooth and nail for him.

Even if you and I had put everything into R it would have ended in the same way - just a few years, a few more DD's and lots of pain in between.

He is showing you that right now. Do not accept his blameshifting.

False R is its own special kind of hell. A few months after S I received a FB PM from a woman who had been randomly contacted by my creepy husband.

20 weeks after S this 40 y/o loser announces he is ready to introduce his 24 y/o office gopher/prior OW (which I didn't know about until that point) to my then 2 and almost 5 year olds as his GF.

I know the pain, friend. I wasn't that upset that he was already trolling for a girlfriend as he had already done that in the M, I was more upset that everything he said in False R and throughout our almost 10 years together was a lie.

Get yourself to an L ASAP. He can file for whatever the hell he wants - doesn't mean he has a shit show of getting it.

Time to shift the focus to the matter at hand - protecting you and your kids.

Try not to focus on him and what he is doing. Focus on YOU, your present, your future.

and now I have just been informed that he is filing for custody :-(

Fairly standard, broken. Lawyers advise folks to ask for the stars, the moon, and the sun. You always start that way in the negotiations. Just make sure you and your lawyer are on the same page.

More hugs. (((((broken)))))