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burnt_toast (original poster member #16891) posted at 2:47 AM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
Hi there, here is an update :
A friend persuaded me to call the hotel to see if there was a booking. He HAD booked a room on the 18th floor for tomorrow, but I was told he cancelled.
Pfew.
I called the suicide hotline again and they advised that I out his plans to his best friend. I just wrote him a message and I also left one at his therapist.
Yep. I'm in shock. It was all very, very real. Horrified is the best word I guess for tonight.
(Edited because I can't type.)
[This message edited by burnt_toast at 8:49 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)]
I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 2:52 AM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 3:07 AM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
Reaching out to other people to help him is a wise choice. IMHO. He needs to be rinsed that he is still lovable by his friends. One relationship ending IS NOT a reason to take his life. There are others who love him and want to grow old being friends with him-he needs that reminder.
Good choice B_T
K
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 3:08 AM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
double post
[This message edited by Kajem at 9:09 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)]
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 3:13 AM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
(((((burnt_toast))))) How terrifying. Sending you strength and comfort, honey.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
sparkysable ( member #3703) posted at 3:27 AM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
Ugh, I can't tell you how many times over the years here on SI I've seen ex's threaten suicide. Not once has one of them followed through, it's always been a manipulation tactic.
I could be wrong, but that's just been the pattern I've seen. Manipulation at it's worst.
[This message edited by sparkysable at 9:28 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)]
D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
miadianna ( member #10516) posted at 3:49 AM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
My brother killed himself when he was 19 after a break-up with his teenage girlfriend. He was a sensitive, sweet, kind and very emotional person. He was just a kid. There were no threats, no drama, nobody ever knew he was thinking of this or what pain he was suffering. He did it quietly, alone, in the middle of the night and left us a note to tell us how much he loved us and that he would be with my father who died at 35.
What I'm trying to say is I think most people who threaten and make all of the suicide noise are most likely not the type to do it.
Me: BS 60Son: 34years oldDaughter: 32 years old Divorced 4/10/08XH passed away 6/24/16
Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 4:07 AM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
I understand that this is pushing every one of yoyr buttons. I also understand that you believe he is serious. You have gone above & beyond the call of duty. Your only recourse now is to call 911 or your equivalent if he threatens again. Then step away from the crazy.
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
heartbroken_kk ( member #22722) posted at 4:16 AM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
(((((burnt_toast)))))
What a relief to know he did cancel the reservation. And good on you for reaching out to his friend and therapist.
Hopefully with each passing hour, each passing day, TIME will help ease his mind.
FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 6:21 PM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
HopeImOverIt ( member #34517) posted at 9:19 PM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
You handled this extremely well. Kudos to you.
Do you have a therapist of your own to talk with? As you said, this is a shocking scary thing, and you might benefit from counseling for what YOU are going through too.
Me: BW (52)
ExWH: (53)
2 teen-age boys
Divorced
burnt_toast (original poster member #16891) posted at 2:11 AM on Thursday, August 8th, 2013
Hello,
Yes, I do have a therapist but he'll be back from vacation only next week. 
In the meantime, I've been in contact with a very wise friend and with the suicide hotline. They provide an excellent follow-up service to relatives and it has been helpful. They reassured me I was ok to set my limits and have done the right things, just like many of you did so kindly.
Going to work felt surreal, but I managed. I need a few good nights of sleep though.
Apparently he told his two best friends about his plans yesterday and has been in contact with his therapist. So I think there is a better safety net now around him for the future.
Sadly, this only reinforces that I should keep on moving forward with the breakup. One of the reasons I left was because he expected me to be everything for him : his support network, his therapist and so on. I hope this will teach him to reach out to other people. I beleive since I went NC he saw suicide as the only way to get my attention. If he ever tries that again, I will follow the sound advice of many here and leave it directly to 911.
On another note, I hated what the therapist told me this morning whe I called her to let her know what XSO was up to. She told me he was working very hard and making enormous changes, and that I'd be welcome if I want to go back in MC. I don't want to have my emotions triggered this way as I'm working on greiving and detaching. Especially considering I've been too much of a fixer in this relationship - something I have to work on my side.
Plus, hello, if I'd return to MC, I'd be rewarding what he did this week.
Now I'm going to try to get a decent night of sleep. One day at a time is widely enough right now. Shit am I fed up with this drama overload.
[This message edited by burnt_toast at 8:27 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]
I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 2:15 AM on Thursday, August 8th, 2013
(((B_T)))
May you have a restful sleep.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 2:20 AM on Thursday, August 8th, 2013
She told me he was working very had and making enormous changes, and that I'd be welcome if I want to go back in MC.
Not ok! I'm glad you are recognizing this and not letting it play to your fixer tendencies.
Hope you can get some rest tonight, bt. ((((hugs))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
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