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wert (original poster member #34478) posted at 2:19 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
Often people disappear from these boards and I have wondered whatever happened to them and the stories they shared. Given that I want to let people know I am checking out of SI for a while. Things are pretty good, but time and attention are needed elsewhere.
I am sure this is an overstatement but SI in many ways saved my M and to a large degree my sanity. It gave context and caring to what I was experiencing with my W's betrayal. It helped to hone my thoughts and feelings about my M and my life post A. For that I will be forever grateful.
There is a long list of people to thank. If I attempted to list them I would miss the point of SI I think and that is collective wisdom. Sure a timely comment or post is helpful, but its the collaboration here, the sum is greater than it's parts that has been enlightening for me. So thanks to those who started, maintain and continue to contribute.
Ultimately betrayal is about the self. WS or BS are just names. If you did the betraying you violated yourself first then your partner. I think that is great context for the BS to consider. For the BS the very way you conceptualize the world has been changed. How you resolve being betrayed is your task.
Context is everything. It is critical to remember that a persons situation is not another's. People are at different stages in healing, hurt and helping. We all have our own histories and they play out in the stories of our lives. They matter greatly to each of us and they shape the way we think, feeling and react. Keep that in mind when given or receiving advice.
BS's -- Don't let someone's stupidity and selfishness determine your direction. Make that call for yourself.
Write your own story.
Be your hero.
take care...
rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 2:25 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
well crap. I really liked your collective wisdom... 
AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 2:31 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
Peace and strength on your journey.
Thank you for everything.
BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"
HardenMyHeart ( member #15902) posted at 3:22 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
Glad to hear things are going pretty good. Best wishes to you wert.
Me: BH, Her: WW, Married 40 years, Reconciled
tired girl ( member #28053) posted at 3:30 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
The way you have handled yourself throughout this journey so far I know has been an inspiration to many.
Your wisdom will be missed on this board, however I understand where you are at as I am finding myself in the same place more and more.
I am very happy that things have turned out the way they have for the two of you. Best wishes and peace on your continuing journey.
TG
Me 47 Him 47 Hardlessons
DS 27,25,23
D Day's becoming less important as time moves on.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map. OITNB
OptimisticWife ( member #36587) posted at 3:48 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
I've really learnt a lot from your posts. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and wisdom.
All the best to you and your loved ones.
Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 4:53 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
Best wishes to you wert. I'm another that needs to focus more elsewhere. Just happens.
Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 5:28 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
Take care, wert. 
Stop back by and see us every once in awhile.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 7:01 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
Add me to the list of people who have benefitted from and will miss your posts, and I wish you the best.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 10:29 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
wert thank you for the wisdom you have provided here. It has helped many including myself. I wish you nothing but the best!
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
1Faith ( member #38975) posted at 10:38 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
Dear Wert
Great post. Thanks for all you have contributed as well.
Take care and may your path lead you to happiness.
(((many hugs)))
Sometimes my life feels like a test I didn't study for
Getting to Happy ( member #35200) posted at 10:45 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
Thank you Wert.
Godspeed .
WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown
somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 1:47 AM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
..
..glad to hear things are good..
..
How you resolve being betrayed is your task.
..may we all find our way..
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF wert!
smy
trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!
brokensmile322 ( member #35758) posted at 1:57 AM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
Good luck, Wert! I've enjoyed your posts and your insight.
I hope you will stop in now and again and let us know how you are doing!
Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."
LA44 ( member #38384) posted at 2:02 AM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
Write your own story.
Thank you, Wert.
All the best,
LA
Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
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