SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I forgot one other thing WH gave me during his A.

For my bday he gave me Trich.

He prescribed the antibiotics for it and told me I had a yeast infection. Antibiotics for yeast? Oh that was supposedly in case it was also a bacterial vaginosis.

And no, there were no other bday gifts, cards or a cake.

I want to smash it into pieces.

Go for it!! It's quite therapeutic.

I had received a gift card from Zales and diamond earrings on separate occasions. I gave them away. The "gifts" were absolutely meaningless to me after D-day.

Gold and diamond bracelet. Not big diamonds but just a very nice bracelet.

Now my then WS never went out of his way to buy me something like that unless I specifically asked for it...so I never got gifts like that, EVER.

But later found out that he bought it from the place that is OW's mother worked. So I was trying to imagine him standing there with the woman he was screwing, letting her stand there with him while he bought something from her own mother so her mother could get a commission on the jewelry and he would look like he was a "big spender".

So what kind of fucked up is that? The OW let him buy it and he stood there and did it like it was OK without her own mother knowing that she was screwing a married man. Both of them were really screwed up.

I never wore that bracelet. It was just too weird.

Not so much a gift, but just a Fathers Day card. She started her affair while away on a work trip three days before, and may have even bought the card on her drive home. She was always in the habit of writing really loving, thoughtful things in her cards -- and this was no different.

Looking back, I wonder how she could have written those things, without just feeling like a complete piece of shit, knowing what she had just done. Four years later, I still cringe whenever I get a card from her and have to open it, wondering what she's written.

Yeah, my lousy gift-giver gave me trich, too. And blamed ME for it.

He sent me flowers on my birthday for the first time ever, complete with a very touching card. He spent the ENTIRE day sexting and calling at least 7 other women. I never, ever want flowers again. Not even at my funeral.

He "surprised" me with a 3 week birthday trip (which he had my DD do all the work planning, he also let her give me the "good news") to spend time with my mom who had terminal lung cancer.

He even called me early during the day of my birthday. I remembered being surprised and pleased that he was thinking of me enough to call me during his work day! I was able to look at his phone bill and found a call to the OW on the same day.

Two days after my trip was dday which was also two days after his mother passed away. I never had the chance to see her before she died.

on a side note speaking of smashing things our first Christmas I was so excited to open my gifts. It was three big boxes I had no idea what he would have gotten me. Well it turned out to be a hurricane lamp! Lets just say I was beyond surprised with his thoughtful gift. Ok... really I hated that thing and it sat by my bed for 33 years. Of course, I couldn't tell him that I didn't like it because he would have been mad that I didn't like what he had so thoughtfully gotten me from a hardware store. To bad I didn't see the signs all those years ago of suppressing my feelings. Maybe I'll ask for it in the settlement and then smash it to smithereens.

Yep, he bought me a pearl bracelet while on a business trip to Hawaii. During that trip he had LTPA OW#1 come to stay with him in the hotel for the first week, then LTPA OW#2 come for the last week. (At the time, they knew nothing of each other!) Somewhere in between he bought the bracelet as a belated 19th Anniversary gift for me! I have it in a box in my jewelry chest. I will NEVER wear it, along with my wedding ring, ever again. Not sure what I should do with it, since it is expensive, I don't want to throw it away...lol

My WH bought a painting in Thailand, that I never liked. I burned it a few months ago.

There is also a necklace he bought me when he was in Thailand. It has semi-precious stones, including my birthstone. I plan on taking it to a pawn shop and getting whatever they want to give me. I don't want it. I'm not even convinced that he didn't have a whore with him when he picked it out (he claims he didn't, but then again he spent 10 years claiming he didn't cheat on me so.... )

There are two fake faberge eggs he bought in China, on his way back from Thailand. One for me, one for our DD. I haven't decided what to do with those. I don't want them, but I might keep them for my DD, if she really wants them.

The snowglobe...smash the sucker.

Everytime one/all of us go to a new place, my kids get snowglobes, I get a shot glass and we get a magnet for the fridge. When he went to COW#4's city for training January 2012, a few weeks before their work friendship turned to EA, he very thoughtfully brought home a magnet, 2 snowglobes and 2 very pretty, expensive shot glasses for me.

After he moved out, I went from room to room hefty bagging what he left behind. My youngest and I took those 2 shot glasses and snow globes to the garage and BUSTED THE HELL OUT OF THEM WITH A HAMMER!

It was so much fun! After we were done, we scraped up the little pieces, put them in a plastic grocery bag and then stuck that bag in a box of his stuff. I also took all of the magnets from his business trips off the fridge and put them in the same box. When he moved home, as I cleaned out his apartment kitchen, I tossed out the magnets related to the cities where he f'ed OW3 and 4.

Oh, on a different note, in 20 years together the man only gave me flowers 2 times. I found on our Proflowers account that he sent OW4 2 dozen roses a month after he moved out, professing his love for her. Sad thing is she prefers tulips - I'm the rose person. This year for Mother's Day, he got me tulips... Yes, he's been corrected!

One of the things I made him for Christmas, while he was in his affair, was a wall hanging of the word lOVE, sewn on entirely with buttons. It took me forever. I destroyed it after dday.

He said he never would have destroyed something "I" made "him."

Well, what did you destroy then?

So I make ANOTHER one for valentines day and he's in another affair by April.... That one is hanging in a guest bedroom...,

[This message edited by rachelc at 4:54 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)]

I would not keep anything that reminded me of my WH A.

Trash the snow globe ~

I feel this often. The sadness and reminders. My h is notorious for being cheap. During the EA or PA, he came home and announced a total remodel of our 3 bathrooms and the kitchen. I had not even asked.???? and then 2 weeks later he announced that he wanted to buy me new wedding rings. ANything I wanted. Then he had some made. He did all the selecting. Both gifts are beautiful........... I have never seen him so generous. I try to remind myself he did replace the flooring once.... I still know nothing. I dont know how to feel about these gifts. Its awkward. Just last week, I threw out a pair of shorts and tshirt he purchased to go to a cookout while out of town. In 30 yrs, he never needed a new outfit while traveling. It was also during this time. He seemed to treasure that outfit. I cut holes in it and threw it away... He doesnt know it. I had been collecting an inexpensive pottery, for our future retirement house. It was my all time favorite. I took the hammer and smashed them all last weekend. It felt fantastic. I thought of you all on SI when I did it.

How do you buy something for someone so personal and romantic while you're romantically involved with someone else?

Right? I mean WTF!!!

My WH gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day and my favorite perfume during his involvement with MOW. I gave it back to him

I bought my husband a very large Brazilian agate. It was sliced open and bright purple and stood about two feet. He had wanted one for years and I finally saved up the money and found a good rockhound. He liked it, put it on our hearth. When I found out he'd just the week before been sleeping with Wonder Thighs at a hotel on the beach I smashed it on the front walkway.

Today we have bits of lovely agate lining the rosebed.

Like someone else mentioned, I destroyed the hundreds of love letters we'd written to each other. His were all lies and my responses were based on those lies, so it was all a pile of bull in the end.

Also, there's this stupid ring... He bought it as a sort of R ring, but then decided that the perfect moment to give it to me was while I was peeing. He barged into the bathroom, saw I was on the toilet, then kinda tossed it at me in a panic. How romantic. I get that he was flustered and his intentions were good (though I still can't imagine why giving me the ring in the bathroom was high on the perfect places list), but it's a big trigger for me. I can't and don't wear it. Every time I look at it, I shake my head and roll my eyes.

I get that he was flustered and his intentions were good (though I still can't imagine why giving me the ring in the bathroom was high on the perfect places list), but it's a big trigger for me

OMGosh!!!! Sorry for laughing, but the mental picture of this had me rolling. It just couldn't wait another two minutes while you finished up in there, it had to be at that exact moment!?!.... I'm not laughing at you Carnelian, just the strange sense of (or lack of) timing.

So, no gifts, but he sure did give her a lot of the things that were special to us...

Nicnac:

Just wanted to say very insightful! Perfect way to word it, got me thinking about how those other things given away during the A are much more meaningful than the physical gifts.

Cuppa:

Smash the globe!

The actual affair was too short to have happened during a time of gift giving. However fWS had horrible behavior for about eight months prior. So the expensive leather briefcase for x-mas. Gathering dust. The James Avery ring and necklace for my birthday just prior to affair? Won't wear. The fact she gave me jewelry signifying Christian faith and then She all over her beliefs. Well, I haven't worn any crucifix since. Even Calvary is a trigger.

he also gave his only-ness to her. I was only lover before her. I might be the first and the last but i'll never be his only any more.

stupid snowglobe.