SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm sorry, tesla. He just sucks. I'm glad at least that the school year will make it easier.

tesla, I don't know why, but I picture your ex-shat as this guy who is constantly lying on an old, overstuffed brown plaid couch with a beer bottle dangling from his hand and his head encircled by a thick haze of smoke from his bong. As he stumbles toward the kitchen to get some Cheetos because his stripper whore isn't getting them fast enough to satisfy his munchies, he thinks to himself, "Wuz I supposda do somethin' today?" He scratches his belly, encased in a stained, white t-shirt, and rubs his hand through his rather unwashed hair, making it stand on end. Clearly unable to think with his two brain cells, he grabs his snack and stumbles back to the couch, stuffing Cheetos in his mouth while he watches [insert the most inane TV show you can think of] and while you wonder why he hasn't picked up his son yet.

I'm not surprised that he forgets visitation. He sounds like an entitled teenager who thinks that his life should be an unending vacation filled with drugs, booze, and illicit sex. There isn't much room in there for parenting or being responsible, and that's why he's with the stripper whore and not you. She still thinks his behavior is cool, while you knew it was best to get yourself and your son away from a manchild who will likely never grow up and be the father and husband that he ought to be for his family.

Sorry that there wasn't any advice there-- just affirmation that you're a good mom and that you are so much better off without his toxic presence in your everyday life.

(((tesla and teslet)))

Oh, and FTG.

CG Awesome.

((((((Tesla)))))). ((((((((((Teslet)))))))))

CG - Best. Song. Ever. I can hear them singing it in my head, too.

CG - why you gots to make me spit my coffee all over the keyboard? Love it!

Trying, he's actually a pretty in shape guy...but everything else sounds about right. I had to hold in my laughter when I opened the door because he's trying to grow a beard and mustache. (Or maybe he's just too lazy to shave.) He's half Asian and cannot grow any facial hair...it looked so scraggly and sad. Plus he's growing his hair out long but I've noticed that his hairline is receding...he kind of looks silly to me.

Oh and amusing story...one time Teslet came home saying that dad said he should grow his hair out long like daddy. I told Teslet that when he could grow a beard that he could grow his hair long too. Wonder if Teslet makes a comment on his dad's ability to grow facial hair this weekend.

Ha ha ha! My XWH can't grow any facial hair either! I guess I hit the nail on the head when I describe our exes as manchildren!

ETA: Mine also has the receding hairline although he isn't trying to grow it out. If he did, it wouldn't grow long; it would grow out in a big puff like a cotton ball. Actually, I think I'd pay to see that.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 8:08 AM, August 10th (Saturday)]

I have heard that those with NPD tend to fade out of their children's life, esp when their ego kibbles that they get tend to fade off, or if they found a new source for their ego kibbles. It's sad for the kids really.

My ex hasn't seen my daughter since July 15th. He owes me both CS and daycare, and has now gone into hiding, not answering texts or emails. Luckily for me, I don't think she's that attached to him. It would break my heart to watch her be heartbroken by him.

It is sad for your boy, really, but I think he's not falling for his snake-charming anymore.

I'm sorry Tesla. I hope you are now enjoying a quiet weekend.

<If he misses the window he misses his weekend.>

This sounds good..... but I found it IMPOSSIBLE to enforce. We were doing pick ups in a public place at the time. This meant that the boys knew we were waiting on dad. He would be late. They would get antsy. If I were to try leaving they would panic, fearing to enrage their father, or they would get upset with me for not being more tolerant and patient.

The above scenarios are why I decided to have pick ups and drop offs at my home. He is late. The boys count on him being late and plan things online with friends. He doesn't call or text. He acts amused if the boys call and ask what his ETA is. At least this way our lives are not disrupted by his complete refusal to abide by a schedule.

This is one of those things that even if you get it spelled out to the minute how do you enforce it? No one is going to arrest him for it. You could take him to court ($) for contempt and then what? Most people get tired and/or broke trying to force an asshat into compliance.

Find some way that his behaviors don't yank your chain or teslet's best you can.

slight t/j I can remember getting this type of advice a couple of years ago, and it was NOT what I wanted to hear. Now here I am giving all practical advice. Ha

^^^

I could have written this entire post word for word! It has been my life for the last 8 years. Very true. You just find a way to deal with it. Sucks though.

CG... Best Oompa Loompa song EVER!!

Tesla, you are a great mom and Teslet knows he can rely on you. Asshat makes his own relationship with Teslet and over the years you will both see how important that relationship is to Asshat. They make their own karma sad to say. You and Teslet will be fine.

Hi tesla, sorry to hear you and teslet are still dealing with asshat. I love tryingagain74's description.

t/j My X is Asian with hardly any facial hair too, and it's actually a concern for me when I start dating. I have sensitive skin and he's the only guy who ever didn't leave beard burn all over my face. :)

I hear you Tesla. I know exactly how infuriating this is and heartbreaking it watching your boy hurt.

My exwh does this EOW. My ex flouts the court orders and does what he damn well pleases. Our court orders state he has to pick up our son from my home at 4pm every other Friday. I have to email every. single. week requesting time for pick up. I get a variety of answers or no answer. This week, I get an email saying 4pm as court order states why are you keep asking. My reply if I could rely on you been there at 4pm every single pick up I wouldn't have to ask. Our son needs to know what time he can rely on his father to pick him up. He turned up at 6.15pm. My kid was so angry and hurt yet again. I dread the anxiety meltdown from my kid every single visitation. There is not a thing I can do as I can't afford to take him back to court. I wish he would just fade out. He starts to do this and then suddenly becomes interested in the kids again, it hurts more this way for everyone.

Just saw this now.

Tesla, he is such an ass. FTG.

I have tried to keep visitation details from my girls when I'm not sure if ex will really follow through.

That sometimes backfires. They weren't ready to go with him this weekend (only for a few hours to a street fair).

He then called me with one DD melting down that she was bored and wanted to come home. She said she didn't know they were going there and there was nothing to do etc.

So trying to sheild them from dissapointment if he didn't show up backfired on me because they weren't prepared to go.

I know that eventually they will figure him out. They know he's not reliable and they know the OW comes first.

They are 9. Testlet is 4?

Poor little guy.

I hope he's feeling better back with you now.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 8:47 AM, August 12th (Monday)]