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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 8:20 PM on Thursday, August 15th, 2013
Yeah, well, I'm very biased towards counseling, but if those are you're only 3 choices, you're right to stay away. Good luck on your search.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
silverhopes ( member #32753) posted at 9:37 PM on Thursday, August 15th, 2013
I notice your One-Year Antiversary is coming up as well. 
This has to be a hard time especially. You're doing OK, ItsaClimb, this stuff takes a long time to work through. It must be very painful that he did this 8 years ago and then had you live a lie all that time, when you asked him so many times for the truth. The deception - and in some way the A too because of the deception and the secret between them - went on for 8 years, and you're less than a year out. That's a lot to heal from. Be gentle with yourself. I wish I could give you hugs. We're here for you.
Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.
ladies_first ( member #24643) posted at 10:15 PM on Thursday, August 15th, 2013
Hooray for IC!! Hooray for forward thinking! Hooray for personal growth!
Visiting my daughter has become a trial for me - I take tranquilisers, psyche myself up for days beforehand and once I get there I don't leave her house, don't go shopping etc, until it's time to go home. In addition to the triggering, I have never met OW and have this ridiculous, terrifying, fear of bumping into her somewhere.
He can't stand the sight of her now and she does not acknowledge him at all. She has claimed to a mutual colleague (who is a friend of the marriage) that my H "ruined her life" by telling a couple of colleagues about the A (at my insistence) and since then she does not even greet him. So I really have no worries there. Thankfully.
If you had "no worries" then you wouldn't be popping tranquilizers and staying inside daughter's house.
A good IC will have you ship-shape and out shopping for grandbaby in not time.
Keep up the forward motion, ItsaClimb.
"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway
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