SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't normally post on this page. I don't think I'm really ready or made enough progress. But my wife had me read your post and it was amazing. Your words have touched her and me. So much damage done. I know my wife feels the same way. I have taken everything from her and treated it like it was worthless. WS generally put more worth on themselves and their AP. So its no surprise that we take all sense of worth from our BSs. I hope you and your WS can make some strong strides to getting better.

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I don't think he will ever truly understand the depth of my pain and suffering because it didn't happen to him. And even if it did, I think men process things differently.

He had a RELATIONSHIP with another woman. That feels as if something was stolen from me, given to another, and he was the uncaring thief.

because he gave them so indiscriminately to another woman, they now don't have the value for me that they used to have

This is exactly it.

His actions devalued every single thing he'd ever given you, done for you and had with you.

I get it.

I GET IT!

His response made me want to vomit. His sweetheart? He gave her up? WTF? FTG.

It's a simple equation of value versus cost.

The value of the affair was worth more to him that what it would cost YOU.

I am so sorry that he even replied...no response would have been better than that.

I did edit this and send it to my WS as well.

He said he realized he'd done all that and that he'd been thinking about all those things a lot. He obviously didn't think about them during the affair.

It's so many of the little things that add up.

He's always loved my feet and he told me yesterday when he was looking at my toes "So much of who we are is right here." and he pointed at my toes. I said "I understand that." And I am the ONLY PERSON ON EARTH WHO WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT AND THAT STILL WASNT ENOUGH.

Heartbreaking. Simply and totally avoidable and heartbreaking.

I think a big part of it for me, also, is that with each little thing he gave her, he was taking that same thing FROM me. So now, I'm empty. I don't have the connection to his love anymore, to his laughter anymore, to his companionship anymore, because he gave it all away and left me with only a void. I don't know if it can be filled back up again but if it can, it feels like it will take forever.

I don't think he will be able to watch my unhappiness for as long as it will be here. After all, his happiness has always come first.

I took your list (hope that is ok, it was just so powerful!) and modified it for our situation. I worked on it for a very long time. I just sent it to him, his response is below. Just proves that nothing they say will help or fix what they have taken from us.

"This is tough to read…..You don’t think about those things and what you’re doing to your wife when you’re acting like a total piece of sh*t. I’m so sorry"

Oldcow, you are so fortunate to have him get so close to understanding. I wish mine understood better.

I also GAVE her up for my sweetheart. YOU.

I wish he hadn't added this part. I hate that WS's feel like they're giving something up when they stop the A. He's not losing anything he shouldn't have had in the first place.

Sadly, I imagine my WH's response would be similar.

I don't think he will be able to watch my unhappiness for as long as it will be here. After all, his happiness has always come first.

^^This is why I am hesitant to try R again.

Is he strong enough? He wasn't strong enough to not have an affair...

Well, that brought me to my knees and I thought I'd moved out of that position. He's going to read this thread, yep.

Sorry u hurt & I "get" every word.

I'm going to use some of this for my disclosure statement to my SAWH for MC that I'm currently writing (since SAWH is supposed to be writing one for his treatment, I am going to write one for mine - MC's idea).

Here is what I think has to be part of the story: SAWH is the most lazy, self centered, clueless, tuned out person I know. He always was but used to be so in an innocent, endearing way. Since he found success in his career a few years ago, he's been an internal rage against the world has formed within him. I have to believe the OW saw some of that over the 2.5+ years they were together. And obviously, the OW is pretty self centered as well.

I think a big part of it for me, also, is that with each little thing he gave her, he was taking that same thing FROM me. So now, I'm empty. I don't know if it can be filled back up again but if it can, it feels like it will take forever.

I don't think he will be able to watch my unhappiness for as long as it will be here. After all, his happiness has always come first.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Sad, for this. I want to punch your WH and hug you.

Thank you for saying that so well. Like everyone else said, we understand you. We all feel exactly where you're coming from. And we're all mourning the loss with you.

Thank you so very much for this. I've re-read it four times in the last ten minutes. It is just so simply perfect. I have to go look in the mirror and puke now, but please know that this is a very poignant post for at least one WH. Thank you so much

Thank you for such an amazingly vivid emotional portrait.

This kicked me further down the road of empathy. I have tears rolling down my face, because what I gave away was mostly identical.

As a FWH I recognize the fog and narcissistic acting out of your WH.

I suggest you ask him to work on himself if he is to deserve you. Maybe you can get to a "new day", but he will have to figure out how he got to a place of that kind of sorry ass entitlement first.

You moved me. Thanks.

SO

This brought tears to my eyes. Beautifully written and heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing.