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General :
Staying so the OW can't "win"

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EtTuBrute ( new member #39792) posted at 5:47 AM on Tuesday, August 20th, 2013

If there are kids and joint custody and the OP becomes the new spouse of the WS, then the OP becomes a stepparent of your kids.

BW 41 WH 47 LTA/LD: EA 9 yrs / PA 14 days; 4 Kids: 7,5,2,2 OW: XGF 45 DDAY: 10-8-12 Broke NC 4 times, no known OW response.Began R 7/19/13
If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker. - Rounders

posts: 32   ·   registered: Jul. 10th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 6455448
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ImNellNow ( member #28753) posted at 4:28 PM on Tuesday, August 20th, 2013

If there are kids... then the OP becomes a stepparent of your kids.

That was my driving force behind trying actual R for over a year after the end of false R. The COW didn't think a thing of putting her biological kid in harm's way to satisfy her urges; I was sure as hell not going to allow her access to my babies so she could mess them up, too! It worked... she has never been in the same zip code as my children, as far as I know.

BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

posts: 2370   ·   registered: Jun. 9th, 2010   ·   location: Baby steps on my new path
id 6455858
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90Worthless90 ( new member #39855) posted at 1:39 AM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

This slightly reminds me of that beyonce song "ring the alarm"http://youtu.be/eY_mrU8MPfI

Me: 23

Him: 29

Together 6 years.

DS: 2yrs

Ow: 18 at the time. Our son's "God sister"

Doomsday: November 2nd 2012. A couple of days before our sons birthday

posts: 28   ·   registered: Jul. 18th, 2013
id 6458099
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OldCow18 ( member #39670) posted at 2:53 AM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

I feel the opposite. I feel they both "won" because no one lost anything, she stayed married to her BH, he stayed married to me, they keep their jobs. I'm the only loser in R. I often dream of divorce just to show them the true damage caused. She knows my children, knew what a great family we were, I know her well enough to know that she would feel like complete crap if their A broke up our marraige/family. They were the "it won't hurt anyone if they don't know" types...no emotions in their A, just lust. Her life has gone on just fine and dandy, no big deal, if we were to D it would be a dose of reality which she sorely needs.

But I will not let her dictate my R or D. It's simply not about her (as much as I obsess from time to time, ha).

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

posts: 620   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2013
id 6458188
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 strongerdaybyday (original poster member #40264) posted at 7:56 PM on Friday, August 23rd, 2013

It's simply not about her (as much as I obsess from time to time, ha).

You and me both!

Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 15 years
3 awesome and beautiful children
OC discovered on Dday - born in 2005
D-Day Summer 2013

working towards D...I can't pretend anymore

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**

posts: 509   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6460485
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