SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I survived. Most of the things are agreed upon. I made some concessions just to be done.

At first we were in separate rooms, which i did fine with. Then lawyers "said we were so close" that we were all getting in same room to complete. That is when I lost it. Having to set across from STBXH was soooo hard. At one point I said i was leaving. I walked up and down the courthouse working in my mind the best way to get what I wanted. Came in and it was agreed upon.

There was credit card debt he was pissed about. But he conveniently forgets all the things I bought for us. Furniture, I paid his cell, the internet, tv etc. I don't like it that he feels I cheated him out of $.

At one point the lawyer was going to hold some things for 2 years (after child graduates) I said no, it needed to be resolved today. I stated I never wanted to deal with this or see STBXH ever again. He shouts, we have a son together you have to see me. I just looked at him. Cause I don't ever have to see him again if I don't want to. I started crying and I couldn't stop. I told my lawyer I needed to remove myself from the room. He tried keeping me there. No, I will be in another room. I so did not want to cry in front of my ex, but I couldn't stop it.

At the end in front of the judge, the judge asked questions. My lawyer said don't cry, you need to be of sound mind!!! I haven't been of sound mind since this damn thing started.

I hate that he saw me cry. There were a couple of verbal sparings and he just thinks I am so terrible.

He starts in on how is wants more time with DS(16). I told him it wasn't up to me, that it was up to DS when he wanted to spend time with his father. He is mad at me for that. I told him it is up DS when he wants to spend time with his father. I have no say in it. He say yes but....

I guess he thinks I am going to make DS see him.

Really, the financial end could have been a lot worse I suppose. But the emotional end has set back my healing. I had not seen him for 12 months. Complete nc.

Has anyone else cried during these sessions in front of x?

I think it shows I still care (I do, and I am so hurt still). My daughter says it just shows I have emotions.

At least I think the worse of it is over.

But gosh darn it I thought I was strong, guess the only person I fooled was myself.

Obviously I still have feelings for this man. Is it possible to still love someone, but no in you brain you can't.

[This message edited by Must Survive at 5:27 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

Don't feel bad. You're human, you hurt, D is killer stressful.

We had 2 mediation sessions. EXH walked out of the first one when he didn't get his way on an issue.

2nd one, face to face for 4 hours, him saying no to everything, then at the last possible moment, his L said, What he really wants is a reconciliation.

I got hysterical, sobbed for 2 hours AFTER he left the room. Cost me hundreds of dollars to have that meltdown (L billed me for the time I cried & so did the mediator)

You got through it! Feel good about that.

You did it!! The hard part is over! You got through it! You should be really proud of yourself.

Has anyone else cried during these sessions in front of x?

I think it shows I still care (I do, and I am so hurt still). My daughter says it just shows I have emotions.

You cried because it's an emotional, shitty, stressful, life-altering process and you were sitting across the table from the cause of it. And after all he's put you through, he continued to be unreasonable and make your life difficult. You faced him and it was hard. Really hard. But you did it.

Now you can breathe. This was a huge victory for you. Congrats Must Survive. Pat yourself on the back.

Yep, I cried at the final hearing because when the judge asked if there were anything that could be done to save this marriage and POS WS said, "hell, no". It hurt my feelings. I cried then and I was mad at myself.

Fast forward 6 months and I found out the OW is cheating on my POS XH, so ha ha ha.

There is life after D and I am going to have a grand life. I am sorry I cried in front of him, but I have tried to be really happy whenever I have to see him.

One of the other threads says we should stop and realize how deeply we have been wounded.