SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sorry for the multiple threads of late! I just had to post this to get opinions if this is weird or not.

I'm keeping my options open at the moment regarding online dating. I do want a relationship eventually but I don't want to rush into anything with anyone or 'settle'. So I'm just trying to enjoy meeting new people, and see the 'dates' more as meet ups to get to know someone.

I had a message from someone earlier and we have chatted back and forth a bit this evening.

After a while, he asked if I would be interested in meeting this week but I told him that I probably wouldn't be able to as I have a lot on and said maybe next week.

Then he said, and I quote:

I might be able to next week. What do u work as?

And I have to ask ur not seeing someone at the moment. The last girl I met was still meeting guys from plenty of fish and im not into that.

It makes u feel like a twat

So I told him I had a date with someone 2 Saturdays ago which was more of a meet up than a date, and he went on to say that men and women are so different in Ireland (that's where he's from)and "Over here people are dating 3 people at once and sleeping with all three. Thats crazy to me."

He then went onto say that it might sound bad but he has only slept with three women and they were all girlfriends.

I have been talking to him maybe 4 hours?

He's nuts isn't he?

He is nuts. There are so many things wrong with his email, I wouldn't even respond.

Doesn't sound like a match for you. Not sure if he is crazy or just confused by the culture shock.

[This message edited by MovingUpward at 6:14 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

Clinger! Run!

Until you got to his second response, I was going to say to tell him just what you said, that you view dates as meeting someone for the first time - which it completely is. Sounds like you did that though, and he accused you of being a twat. I do wonder where he got the impression that everyone on OLD is sleeping with everyone they to on a date with, but it's hardly your responsibility to set him straight.

Big turn off.

He's dumping his frustrations and insecurities on you and I'm sure it doesn't feel good.

This is an example of a topic that is best discussed in the phone or in person, it sounds rude and lame in a message or text.

Urghhh!

What I don't get is, how can you meet someone for the first time and decide to 'stay' with that person to 'see how it goes'? I think that is what he is implying here. I'm hardly going to go meet someone for the first time and agree to not 'meet up' with someone else and see how it goes with them until I get sucked back into another crazy relationship again!

He seems harmless, just a bit lost and confused I think. He's told me that he isn't drinking atm because he is on anxiety meds because he's had a tough year. That's fine, but do you really offer that information up in the very first conversation?

When I said I wanted someone who was HONEST, I should have considered what I was really wishing for!

[This message edited by HURTAGAIN1981 at 6:25 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

There are a lot of people who aren't comfortable juggling dates, even at the conversation stage. It gets complicated when you meet someone whose comfort level with "multi dating" is different from yours.

Some people are okay with emailing multiple people but not dating; some people draw the line with 2 or 3 dates; some people are comfortable with indefinite overlap until exclusivity is mutually established with one person - and everything in between. It's important to figure out where YOUR line is. Don't let anyone pressure you to make your line something it's not, whether they want you to be okay with them dating other people or want you to not; consider what you're comfortable with and hold your head high on it. That said, if someone else has a different boundary, IMO as long as they are honest and up front about it and don't try to force it on others, let them have their own choices too, not forcing your standards on them.

It'll be natural with someone if it's going to work out.

In my opinion, the use of the word 'twat' in a chat with a woman you hardly know is completely inappropriate. (Unless, of course, you are posting on an infidelity support website. Then it's totally fine.)

In short, I say 'Run!'

What is it with men from different cultures? One of my first OLD email experiences, the man was from Australia, but lived on the coast. We emailed back and forth, but he sent emails that were a page long with all of these deep philosophical profiles and requirements for the woman he was looking for. He even put in the email, "you should know something about the man you are communicating with...and probably spend the rest of your life with"....

I had not talked to him on the phone, I had not met him, and we had not set up a time or place to meet. I mean, I didn't even know what his favorite color was! LOL.

I sent a message that we were not communicating well at all and that we were not a match at all.

It was scarey, but it was a good learning experience. I am learning what not to do, which includes not marrying someone who I've never met. LOL!!

[This message edited by Bombshell at 12:05 AM, August 23rd (Friday)]