SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi Friends,

STBX and I are in the process of exchanging "settlement offers". He made the first offer; then I made an offer; and now he has made another offered. I feel like we are heading for a trial (since it appears he doesn't want to be responsible for half of the children's expenses) and wanted a few questions answered:

1. Does the judge care if stbx lies? Does it really matter?

2. If STBX owes me money but doesn't want to pay me back because he says he doesn't have it, does it matter?

He is an abled bodied person who can work over time or take on a part time job. Or he could take out a personal loan. Is it my problem? Will the judge say "Sorry dmari, he just doesn't have the money to pay you back what he rightfully owes you"? Could that really happen?

3. If it goes to trial, does that mean each of us will be on the stand?

He has given me physical custody of the kids ~ he never wanted joint physical custody anyway. Hasn't tried to contact them for a while either. I feel he should at least be financially held accountable. Is that too much to ask?

At least in my case, my STBX has lied and perjured with absolute impunity, both during the parenting evaluation as well as on the witness stand under oath. I have documentation & proof of his lies, but no one to present it to. It does not matter in the slightest.

It's hard to say if your judge will be willing to put what your STBX owes you on the chopping block. Yes, it could happen that the judge decides not to make your STBX pay back what he owes. Or maybe he'll only make your STBX pay back half. How good a liar is your STBX? And how good is his attorney? In my case STBX owes me thousands that he'll never pay me. Never.

If this goes to trial, yes, both of you will be on the witness stand. Whoever is the plaintiff usually goes first. My first divorce trial lasted all f-ing day. I was on the stand for hours in the morning, we broke for lunch, then got back on the witness stand after lunch. OMFG, I was ready to collapse by the time his lawyer was done with me.

FYI, I went into that trial date fully prepared to tell everything, every disgusting detail, about STBX. I had all my evidence, photos, testimonies, everything, to back up what I was claiming (that he's a disgusting sex pervert). Instead his lawyer was successful in keeping STBX's sexual perversion entirely out of the trial. We were forbidden to even mention it. I cannot fully express my bitter disappointment at that, because I believe that the judge cannot make entirely fair & just rulings if he does not have extremely vital information. Oh well, that's what happened. It could happen to you, too.

Thank you NG! I was thinking about your case as I was writing my post. I think to myself that if that could happen to your case, then why not mine? My case doesn't involve custody so I don't have that type of serious concerns. You said, "In my case STBX owes me thousands that he'll never pay me. Never." How do you wrap your head around that? How do I get to the point of accepting that outcome? If there is a chance that he won't pay shit, then why bother going to court?

Thank you so much for responding NG! I think you are one of the few of us that actually had their case go to a trial.

If there's a chance that he might have to pay half what he owes you, would that make a trial worth it? You have to balance out how much he owes you versus how much you'll pay your lawyer to represent you in court. Plus court fees are steep. If you are awarded the full amount, will that be more than the trial will cost you? If you are awarded half the amount, will that be more than the trial will cost you?

As for how I accept this outcome? Well, for starters I don't have much of a choice. Also, every bit of pain & misery is just getting me that much closer to being divorced and done with him.

But you know what's really scary? No final judgment is necessarily final. This divorce trial has not all gone STBX's way. My attorney fully expects that when all is said & done, STBX is going to appeal the final verdict and drag me to court again to fight me again for custody and to avoid paying SS & CS. Plus he'll fight me over money again. I did not know you can appeal a final divorce judgment. Now I do. I'm destitute. If he does this I'll be going pro se. I just don't know the point of all of this. Why swear people in and then not hold them to the truth? Why bother with trials when the verdict can be appealed?

Oh boy. I'm going to be having a trial. The atty. was asked how much time would be needed during the pretrial conference we just had. He said at least a day and a half, maybe two.

I feel good that it is going to trial although it frightens me too. I'm not frightened by him, he doesn't have a lawyer and lost his marbles somewhere. So, the judge is already on my side and had the biggest silliest grin on his face when he had STBX taken away in handcuffs. I'm afraid of crying in the court. I'm afraid of being too emotional to be understood. I hope I can be strong while testifying. It's my only concern regarding that. I do not want to cry.

I'm so sorry for you having to face this dmari, it will be over and done with before you know just keep fighting the good fight and hold your head up. I think that a lot of these can go bad but just do the best you can for you and the babies. That's what this is worth, your babies future. Hugs dmari...

If the judge is an associate judge then the judgement can be over turned and you will have to go to a district judge which that verdict can not be overturned. We went straight to a district judge. In that courtroom they take care of all the drug and other cases before divorce cases. Then the will hear the smaller cases first before a trial. I went and paid my lawyer to sit for two days for our trial for nothing to ever be done. Finally our judge pulled the lawyers in his chambers to try and convince a settlement to happen. Trials are very expensive. Be prepared to not get everything you want. I'm sorry but it happens often.

1. Does the judge care if stbx lies? Does it really matter? No

2. If STBX owes me money but doesn't want to pay me back because he says he doesn't have it, does it matter? I don't know

3. If it goes to trial, does that mean each of us will be on the stand? We were both on the stand.

I know this says to respond only if you had to go to trial,, but,,,FYI

We were supposed to go to trial,

but the day before both attys convinced us to settle. I didn't want to bc I had everything on him. In the end, they gave me the house, the equity and NEVER have to refi, plus$$ out of 401K, plus he had to take on a loan of 30,000. The biggest part was that I knew where my children and I would be for 5 years til the youngest graduates. That was worth not going to trial for. My atty said the judge would absolutely not give me the house w/o a time limit to refi because it wasn't fair to XWH. So I went with the stability.

Additionally, the next day pre-trial I still got some things I wanted --boat in kids names and he has to keep Life ins on children and himself until youngest is 18, all because he didn't want to look like a loser in front of the witness he brought.

Just some thoughs,, because you could settle that day before court.

My divorce went to court; however, X did not show up, so that made things easy. I did have to answer basic questions before the judge, while under oath.

None of those questions was to determine if X was a liar.

Your estate will be settled. If X does not have the money currently, a payment plan can be established or he can take out a loan.

Thank you friends! You have given me a lot to consider. Thankfully, I have time on my side since court probably won't be for months.

I guess I need to weigh the continued costs of attorney fees versus what I possible be awarded.

The MAIN issues of court would be paying for half of the children's tuition. We have two teens with special needs.

The money he owes is for the last school year; current and future school year; and uncovered medical expenses.

I feel like this would be a no brainer. Wouldn't any judge order the parent to pay for half?

Joint property: We each have a car. It is supposed to be split 50/50. He doesn't want to split the car's worths. Again, isn't this a no brainer?

Other stuff is more "principle" related. He wants each of us to claim one child for taxes. I gave him that opportunity last year. He went and claimed both and my return was rejected. So, I went by IRS Residency Test and I re-filed and claimed both children.

I feel that since he is not willing to work fairly ~ then we have to go by the rules. The kids haven't seen him therefore have never spent the night with him so he fails the IRS Residency Test. Plain and simple. Actions meet consequences.

Another "principle" issue. He is offering to pay for 25% of son's tuition but only if "I" forward him school announcements, lunch menu, etc. He can get it himself. What the fuck. He has fingers and a phone. Call the school and make arrangements to get duplicates or go to the schools website dingleberry! I am not hand feeding him anymore!

Anyway, thank you for "listening" and for all the advice! I will be thinking about it and praying about it this weekend.

Heal&Deal: Thank you for this >>> "Your estate will be settled. If X does not have the money currently, a payment plan can be established or he can take out a loan."